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Guess who "may" be a great grandmother.
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<blockquote data-quote="DDD" data-source="post: 468313" data-attributes="member: 35"><p>It's a complex situation, klmno. There are so many factors that are unknown...including primarily whether or not it is true. If you completey disregard that he is a brain damaged alcoholic who is unemployed and has a bunch of unresolved issues there are other factors. Is the Mom still into substance abuse too? How vulnerable is the little girl? Is she securely attached to her Mom and grandparents and "friends" just think she should have a good looking Daddy and possibly some money with-o regard to the Mom's wishes? If the Mom contacted him directly it would be a diferent set of circumstances.</p><p></p><p>Also, as you may remember, his Daddy came into his life at around that age. The Stepmom insisted on a blood test and then played the role. difficult child#1 was incorporated into their life via church attendance weekly, inclusion in their dinner parties (they were so proud of his appearance, personality and manners) and then WHAMMO! Without any forewarning Daddy and family picked up and moved away with no forwarding address and no phone contact. This rejection coincided with other emotional traumas and in less than a year he was in juvie/drinking/smoking pot. When his Dad found out that he was on the verge of death he called and asked to "see his son". A year later they spoke on the phone for about an hour and that was it.</p><p></p><p>We have always believed he would be a good Dad. But he knows that being a Dad is not easy and that a poor Dad is worse than no Dad at all. Think of all the people in our CD family who have kids visiting difficult child non custodial parents. Sometimes it is better for a child not to have a Dad in their life. He is a self described "x up" who is strugging to make some improvements in his life. If Mom is struggling also the pressure would derail his minimal progress.</p><p></p><p>Bottom line....unless he decides to pursue it I'm leaving it alone. If he opts to make contact we will have his back. I absolutely know that he does not want to cause harm. Last night I found myself thinking "this could really help him make progress". Whamo. Then, very very quickly, I realized my thinking was skewed. The best interests of the child needs to be determined by the Mom. DDD</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DDD, post: 468313, member: 35"] It's a complex situation, klmno. There are so many factors that are unknown...including primarily whether or not it is true. If you completey disregard that he is a brain damaged alcoholic who is unemployed and has a bunch of unresolved issues there are other factors. Is the Mom still into substance abuse too? How vulnerable is the little girl? Is she securely attached to her Mom and grandparents and "friends" just think she should have a good looking Daddy and possibly some money with-o regard to the Mom's wishes? If the Mom contacted him directly it would be a diferent set of circumstances. Also, as you may remember, his Daddy came into his life at around that age. The Stepmom insisted on a blood test and then played the role. difficult child#1 was incorporated into their life via church attendance weekly, inclusion in their dinner parties (they were so proud of his appearance, personality and manners) and then WHAMMO! Without any forewarning Daddy and family picked up and moved away with no forwarding address and no phone contact. This rejection coincided with other emotional traumas and in less than a year he was in juvie/drinking/smoking pot. When his Dad found out that he was on the verge of death he called and asked to "see his son". A year later they spoke on the phone for about an hour and that was it. We have always believed he would be a good Dad. But he knows that being a Dad is not easy and that a poor Dad is worse than no Dad at all. Think of all the people in our CD family who have kids visiting difficult child non custodial parents. Sometimes it is better for a child not to have a Dad in their life. He is a self described "x up" who is strugging to make some improvements in his life. If Mom is struggling also the pressure would derail his minimal progress. Bottom line....unless he decides to pursue it I'm leaving it alone. If he opts to make contact we will have his back. I absolutely know that he does not want to cause harm. Last night I found myself thinking "this could really help him make progress". Whamo. Then, very very quickly, I realized my thinking was skewed. The best interests of the child needs to be determined by the Mom. DDD [/QUOTE]
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