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Parent Emeritus
Guilt - and getting over it.
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 569674" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>T&T, finding this group is a very clear step in the right direction, it was for me too. And, it does provide an opportunity to listen to and vent to others who are in the same boat. Other parents really have no clue what we go through and what this is about. They are usually never put in the unenviable position of having to detach from their children, so getting those "knowing looks" from others with judgement in their tone is something many of us know a lot about. Don't let it deter you, you're simply on a different path and now you are with us a bunch of wounded warrior parents doing the best we can under pretty horrible conditions...............but there is hope. It's a process of learning a whole new way of dealing with your adult children, it is not linear nor is it a step by step process which you can study and master, it's too filled with emotional responses from our hearts that feel as if we will break from the pain............but we don't..........we carry on.............we learn how to do it, for our kids and for ourselves. The one person who will likely judge you the harshest is you, measuring yourself with your own former definition of parenting that you now have to throw overboard and learn a new way. The old way doesn't work. Your suspicion that your son is bipolar or depressed likely has some truth to it, you as his mom will know that more then anyone, we know when our kids need help. However, he may not own that, he may not seek help, he may not do anything to help himself, particularly if you have enabled him up until this point. HE has to make those choices for himself. What you can do is seek that help for yourself and your husband. Learn how to set those boundaries, set a united front with your husband, learn how to take care of YOU, learn how to let go of the guilt and responsibility, learn to detach and learn to accept what is. It's tough, but with help and your own commitment, you can do it. We're here to support you and encourage you so keep talking, keep venting and take very good care of yourself. You've joined the ranks of the Warrior Moms, perhaps you didn't really want to join, neither did I, but here we are..................many hugs for you..............</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 569674, member: 13542"] T&T, finding this group is a very clear step in the right direction, it was for me too. And, it does provide an opportunity to listen to and vent to others who are in the same boat. Other parents really have no clue what we go through and what this is about. They are usually never put in the unenviable position of having to detach from their children, so getting those "knowing looks" from others with judgement in their tone is something many of us know a lot about. Don't let it deter you, you're simply on a different path and now you are with us a bunch of wounded warrior parents doing the best we can under pretty horrible conditions...............but there is hope. It's a process of learning a whole new way of dealing with your adult children, it is not linear nor is it a step by step process which you can study and master, it's too filled with emotional responses from our hearts that feel as if we will break from the pain............but we don't..........we carry on.............we learn how to do it, for our kids and for ourselves. The one person who will likely judge you the harshest is you, measuring yourself with your own former definition of parenting that you now have to throw overboard and learn a new way. The old way doesn't work. Your suspicion that your son is bipolar or depressed likely has some truth to it, you as his mom will know that more then anyone, we know when our kids need help. However, he may not own that, he may not seek help, he may not do anything to help himself, particularly if you have enabled him up until this point. HE has to make those choices for himself. What you can do is seek that help for yourself and your husband. Learn how to set those boundaries, set a united front with your husband, learn how to take care of YOU, learn how to let go of the guilt and responsibility, learn to detach and learn to accept what is. It's tough, but with help and your own commitment, you can do it. We're here to support you and encourage you so keep talking, keep venting and take very good care of yourself. You've joined the ranks of the Warrior Moms, perhaps you didn't really want to join, neither did I, but here we are..................many hugs for you.............. [/QUOTE]
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Guilt - and getting over it.
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