I want to say thank you to you all for giving me lots to think about. This is a lot to absorb for those of us who are functioning, so I know that it will be difficult for M.
In the past I have let husband deal with things - ever since M went into the Residential Treatment Center (RTC). I don't think that husband is capable of helping M through this, though. I did tell M that I would ask my friends what they knew, and I am going to pass this information along to him. I know that I can't manage this for him, but I can give him some advice up front about marriage, cash on hand, income changes, etc., and hope that he will at least hear some of it. He gets so carried away with grandiose plans. I'm going to have to do this tomorrow, I guess.
I do think that he needs to get an apartment, and he and his girlfriend are talking about doing that, along with his 1/2 cousin on husband's side. He's been living with husband's mom for about a year now, and she is in pretty bad shape. It's good for her that someone is there. There's no doubt that without a companion of some sort that she will fail. But as I have mentioned before she is a hoarder, and she is stashing things all over the house with the exception of the main living area. She has an ill dog that lost control of it's bowels long ago that she will not get rid of, and when she does it will only lead to snatching more strays off of the street. She's also paranoid about M's girlfriend wanting her "stuff". Not that I blame her, really. M's girlfriend is a pretty grabby girl. We only met her the once, at our going away party, and she cornered me and asked "Can M expect anything from you when you move?" I was flabbergasted. She's been trying to get mother in law to give up the house, but I'm sure that there have been things hinted at before then that made mother in law even more suspicious than she normally would have been.
Anyway, I'll call him tomorrow and talk to him about what you all have said. I'll advise him to apply for SSDI, too, since he has worked, if only for a little bit. I'll encourage him to stay in touch with his CW, but to ask for information rather than to make decisions that he can't get out of.
You guys are the best!