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Have a feeling of impending doom
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<blockquote data-quote="Jabberwockey" data-source="post: 664178" data-attributes="member: 18238"><p>While I enjoy this quote, I couldn't disagree with it more! Freedom represents the opportunity to take risks that could cost or gain a little or a lot. I've felt like I had nothing left to lose and can assure you that I didn't feel free in any way, shape, or form.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Its an acknowledgement that they are adults and their lives are no longer ours to control. We've raised them, taught them, and now must free them to figure it out themselves. We WILL worry. As parents, that's a given. But at some point, preferably sooner rather than later, we MUST take the training wheels off the bike and watch our children climb on it with or without whatever safety gear THEY choose to wear if any at all. Then, WHEN they fall, we have to stand back and ignore it until IF they ask us for help. When they do ask us for help, we must keep it simple because too much advice is simply another way of trying to control their lives.</p><p></p><p>I'm almost 50 years old and my parents still worry about me. When we found out that our son was seriously stealing from us when he pawned my guitars, I freaked out and called my mom and dad. They came running and talked to me but they NEVER told me what to do or tried to force me to react in a certain way. They knew that I already knew the answer; already knew what to do. I just needed them there to help calm me down and center myself so I could see what I already knew. They trusted me to do what was right based not only on how they had raised me, but also on what I had learned beyond that as an adult on my own. </p><p></p><p>This is what we must do as parents now. To trust our children to eventually do the right thing in the face of their monumental frack-ups and in spite of their apparent refusal to acknowledge anything we ever taught them. They are trying to find their identity within society. We can't tell them what that is, cant even guide them towards it because in the end that is only a form of control for us, not the path to knowledge for them.</p><p></p><p>A lesson I learned a long time ago has served me well in dealing with all of this. I control NOTHING in this universe besides how I react to things around me and NOBODY else in this universe can control my reactions besides me. I could be driving home from work today and have a tire blow out, or a tie rod end go out, or have someone else hit me which causes a crash that kills me. Or not. My wife might stop by the gas station on her way home and win the lottery and leave me. Or not. Russia may chose to launch every nuclear missile in its arsenal at us. Or not. My son may start living his life to societies standards. Or not. He might find success in the lifestyle he's living now. Or not. He might, well I think you get the idea at this point. We cant control what happens or what they do, only then can. Quit trying.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Jabberwockey, post: 664178, member: 18238"] While I enjoy this quote, I couldn't disagree with it more! Freedom represents the opportunity to take risks that could cost or gain a little or a lot. I've felt like I had nothing left to lose and can assure you that I didn't feel free in any way, shape, or form. Its an acknowledgement that they are adults and their lives are no longer ours to control. We've raised them, taught them, and now must free them to figure it out themselves. We WILL worry. As parents, that's a given. But at some point, preferably sooner rather than later, we MUST take the training wheels off the bike and watch our children climb on it with or without whatever safety gear THEY choose to wear if any at all. Then, WHEN they fall, we have to stand back and ignore it until IF they ask us for help. When they do ask us for help, we must keep it simple because too much advice is simply another way of trying to control their lives. I'm almost 50 years old and my parents still worry about me. When we found out that our son was seriously stealing from us when he pawned my guitars, I freaked out and called my mom and dad. They came running and talked to me but they NEVER told me what to do or tried to force me to react in a certain way. They knew that I already knew the answer; already knew what to do. I just needed them there to help calm me down and center myself so I could see what I already knew. They trusted me to do what was right based not only on how they had raised me, but also on what I had learned beyond that as an adult on my own. This is what we must do as parents now. To trust our children to eventually do the right thing in the face of their monumental frack-ups and in spite of their apparent refusal to acknowledge anything we ever taught them. They are trying to find their identity within society. We can't tell them what that is, cant even guide them towards it because in the end that is only a form of control for us, not the path to knowledge for them. A lesson I learned a long time ago has served me well in dealing with all of this. I control NOTHING in this universe besides how I react to things around me and NOBODY else in this universe can control my reactions besides me. I could be driving home from work today and have a tire blow out, or a tie rod end go out, or have someone else hit me which causes a crash that kills me. Or not. My wife might stop by the gas station on her way home and win the lottery and leave me. Or not. Russia may chose to launch every nuclear missile in its arsenal at us. Or not. My son may start living his life to societies standards. Or not. He might find success in the lifestyle he's living now. Or not. He might, well I think you get the idea at this point. We cant control what happens or what they do, only then can. Quit trying. [/QUOTE]
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