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Have my own broom closet-irritated.
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<blockquote data-quote="Mattsmom277" data-source="post: 334389" data-attributes="member: 4264"><p>Janet, I agree with whoever said if Tony wants to attend he should. But there is no reason for you to attend to celebrate an event with people you don't like, who don't like you, and who haven't ever done anything to celebrate your family milestones over the year.</p><p></p><p>My ex's family was much like your situation with Tony's family. From the get go I was "A wagonburner" , a foul disgusting term for the fact that I am aboriginal. Months before they met me, they waged an open campaign to have him dump me and find someone "more in keeping with his kind". They were blatant about it. To my face, whispered comments I was meant to overhear and pretend they didn't know I heard etc. As a matter of fact, the most painful thing they ever did was a direct shun of my children. They arrived in town en masse during Christmas holidays. On Christmas eve, they were all coming to MY house to have a family get together. They brought no hostess gift, they offered no contribution to the food table. They had told us their liquor and wine preferences ahead of time to ensure we'd have their drinks of choice (Knowing that I don't allow any consumption of alcohol in my childrens presence). Anyhow, there were about 12 people all together. They arrived each bringing a ton of gifts for the only child in the family, his cousins baby who was about 18 months old. When they arrived with overloaded bags and boxes of gifts, they slid them in front of our Christmas tree. My kids eyes lit up, not so much because of the contents of gifts, but because they thought his family had thought of them. So finally his cousin and her toddler arrive and the gifts start being brought out. Can you imagine a 18 month old baby getting 34 gifts (I still remember the number!) with my then 10 year old and 4 year old sitting there watching on Christmas eve? Not once of these adults looked at all embarassed or bothered by the obvious hurt to my children. I'll never forget that day. They also bought a gift for the other adults and they all exchanged. They all had a gift from us to them. Not one gift was purchased for my ex and I. Not even the typical hostess gift. And they thought nothing of behaving in that way while sitting by my Christmas tree, drinking pricey alcohol I purchased, eating the terrific food I prepared, etc. </p><p></p><p>Needless to say, that was the last time I ever allowed them into my own. All of them. My ex did go to a few family functions following that fiasco. I was never asked. From the day we met and even after moving in together, he was always asked alone, without the kids or me. I wouldn't have gone if I had been asked following that display of nastiness at Christmas. I didn't make excuses to my ex either. I was flat out open about the fact I wouldn't attend his families functions due to the fact that they were horribly cruel and hateful people towards me. I also told him, and meant it, that he should attend when he wants to attend. Just don't pressure me, as I've made my mind up. From then on, it wasn't an issue for us. I let him do his own thing with them, and I ignored them. </p><p></p><p>As for not being married to Tony, regardless of wether your state recognizes common law marriages or not, regardless of your name, you are Tony's wife. His spouse. Mother of his children. Life partner. </p><p></p><p>PS. When it comes to live in relationships, when I send a invite I do put Mr and Mrs. XYZ on the invite. Simply because to me, it is respecting the relationship as a committed one, which is what marriage really is</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mattsmom277, post: 334389, member: 4264"] Janet, I agree with whoever said if Tony wants to attend he should. But there is no reason for you to attend to celebrate an event with people you don't like, who don't like you, and who haven't ever done anything to celebrate your family milestones over the year. My ex's family was much like your situation with Tony's family. From the get go I was "A wagonburner" , a foul disgusting term for the fact that I am aboriginal. Months before they met me, they waged an open campaign to have him dump me and find someone "more in keeping with his kind". They were blatant about it. To my face, whispered comments I was meant to overhear and pretend they didn't know I heard etc. As a matter of fact, the most painful thing they ever did was a direct shun of my children. They arrived in town en masse during Christmas holidays. On Christmas eve, they were all coming to MY house to have a family get together. They brought no hostess gift, they offered no contribution to the food table. They had told us their liquor and wine preferences ahead of time to ensure we'd have their drinks of choice (Knowing that I don't allow any consumption of alcohol in my childrens presence). Anyhow, there were about 12 people all together. They arrived each bringing a ton of gifts for the only child in the family, his cousins baby who was about 18 months old. When they arrived with overloaded bags and boxes of gifts, they slid them in front of our Christmas tree. My kids eyes lit up, not so much because of the contents of gifts, but because they thought his family had thought of them. So finally his cousin and her toddler arrive and the gifts start being brought out. Can you imagine a 18 month old baby getting 34 gifts (I still remember the number!) with my then 10 year old and 4 year old sitting there watching on Christmas eve? Not once of these adults looked at all embarassed or bothered by the obvious hurt to my children. I'll never forget that day. They also bought a gift for the other adults and they all exchanged. They all had a gift from us to them. Not one gift was purchased for my ex and I. Not even the typical hostess gift. And they thought nothing of behaving in that way while sitting by my Christmas tree, drinking pricey alcohol I purchased, eating the terrific food I prepared, etc. Needless to say, that was the last time I ever allowed them into my own. All of them. My ex did go to a few family functions following that fiasco. I was never asked. From the day we met and even after moving in together, he was always asked alone, without the kids or me. I wouldn't have gone if I had been asked following that display of nastiness at Christmas. I didn't make excuses to my ex either. I was flat out open about the fact I wouldn't attend his families functions due to the fact that they were horribly cruel and hateful people towards me. I also told him, and meant it, that he should attend when he wants to attend. Just don't pressure me, as I've made my mind up. From then on, it wasn't an issue for us. I let him do his own thing with them, and I ignored them. As for not being married to Tony, regardless of wether your state recognizes common law marriages or not, regardless of your name, you are Tony's wife. His spouse. Mother of his children. Life partner. PS. When it comes to live in relationships, when I send a invite I do put Mr and Mrs. XYZ on the invite. Simply because to me, it is respecting the relationship as a committed one, which is what marriage really is [/QUOTE]
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