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Have you ever *really* thrown your kid out?
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<blockquote data-quote="emotionallybankrupt" data-source="post: 368071" data-attributes="member: 8226"><p>I didn't actually "throw her out," but I've refused to allow her to come back in. I have a close friend who did recently force her adult child to leave--finally--after enduring a lot of "junk," giving chance after chance, and paying a very high price physically, emotionally, financially--you know.</p><p> </p><p>At the time I took the stance I took with mine, my friend wasn't "there" yet, to be able to fully relate to me. Then she reached her personal breaking point. I think that's what we all have to do. She and I both--but differently--got to the point that we knew we HAD to make a change for survival's sake. For her, there was a single "defining moment" when she knew she had no option, and she made him leave immediately. For me, there were too many points of "chipping away" for me to isolate a single moment when the decision was clear and final. I think you'll know when you're "there," and you'll have a certain peace with the decision though not the situation.</p><p> </p><p>It's a heartbreaking place to be, but my friend and I both have a clear conscience, knowing that we absolutely checked EVERY reasonable option/intervention off the list before reaching that point of saying "no more." You say you've "been through this before," so I'm guessing you have a fairly good idea of how the scenario will play out if you make the same moves as before. Even if you are able to "hang on" for the ride and absorb the additional damage to yourself, do you think it would really help her? In my case--as in my friend's case--we came to the conclusion that we were each draining ourselves of everything we had to give, and it wasn't helping our children one bit.</p><p> </p><p>I heard a talk show recently, where the dad of a severely troubled son asked the host, "Let's play this out. What if I throw him out? Then what? Where will he go and what will happen to him?" The response was, "Well, what will happen if you don't?" I think that sometmes the only hope is change, and I'm not sure what options you have in the current setting that haven't been used up already.</p><p> </p><p>You DON'T owe it to your child to sacrifice EVERYTHING--putting yourself in the hospital or worse. My body was telling me very clearly that I was on a fast track to a heart attack or a stroke, and my PCP had already told me the same thing. I could have followed that path through, but it wouldn't have saved her.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="emotionallybankrupt, post: 368071, member: 8226"] I didn't actually "throw her out," but I've refused to allow her to come back in. I have a close friend who did recently force her adult child to leave--finally--after enduring a lot of "junk," giving chance after chance, and paying a very high price physically, emotionally, financially--you know. At the time I took the stance I took with mine, my friend wasn't "there" yet, to be able to fully relate to me. Then she reached her personal breaking point. I think that's what we all have to do. She and I both--but differently--got to the point that we knew we HAD to make a change for survival's sake. For her, there was a single "defining moment" when she knew she had no option, and she made him leave immediately. For me, there were too many points of "chipping away" for me to isolate a single moment when the decision was clear and final. I think you'll know when you're "there," and you'll have a certain peace with the decision though not the situation. It's a heartbreaking place to be, but my friend and I both have a clear conscience, knowing that we absolutely checked EVERY reasonable option/intervention off the list before reaching that point of saying "no more." You say you've "been through this before," so I'm guessing you have a fairly good idea of how the scenario will play out if you make the same moves as before. Even if you are able to "hang on" for the ride and absorb the additional damage to yourself, do you think it would really help her? In my case--as in my friend's case--we came to the conclusion that we were each draining ourselves of everything we had to give, and it wasn't helping our children one bit. I heard a talk show recently, where the dad of a severely troubled son asked the host, "Let's play this out. What if I throw him out? Then what? Where will he go and what will happen to him?" The response was, "Well, what will happen if you don't?" I think that sometmes the only hope is change, and I'm not sure what options you have in the current setting that haven't been used up already. You DON'T owe it to your child to sacrifice EVERYTHING--putting yourself in the hospital or worse. My body was telling me very clearly that I was on a fast track to a heart attack or a stroke, and my PCP had already told me the same thing. I could have followed that path through, but it wouldn't have saved her. [/QUOTE]
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Have you ever *really* thrown your kid out?
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