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Have you ever *really* thrown your kid out?
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<blockquote data-quote="CrazyinVA" data-source="post: 368231" data-attributes="member: 1157"><p>I threw Oldest out at 19. I had wanted her out for weeks, but she refused to leave because she had "nowhere to go." I couldn't "make" her leave without formal eviction proceedings, according to the folks I talked to at the Sheriff's department. Finally one night she blew, threw a chair at me, and I called 911. She was still so out of control when the police got there that she tried to run, and they tackled her and handcuffed her, right there in my laundry room, while she cursed at them. She left escorted by the deputies, with her then-boyfriend (who they'd let her call) and went to live with him and his parents for awhile. Prior to that night, living there had not been an option, but once she was actually "kicked out" of my place, they took her in. I worried for awhile what she had told them about me, what they must think, even knowing *I* was in the right to do what I did, it still bugged the heck out of me. I had to work hard to tell myself that what others thought of my decision didn't matter, especially those that didn't even know the real situation. Interestingly enough, I met her boyfriend's mother a few months later, and she let me know in a roundabout way that she "got it." Turns out the boyfriend's older sister was a lot like Oldest. </p><p></p><p>Here we are, seven years later. It's been a rollercoaster. She's had "nowhere to go" several times, even lived in her car for a couple days once when I refused to let her come back. There was one time I *did* let her come back for about a week, about 3 years ago.. a week was all it took, and I told her she had to go. She didn't fight this time. She found somewhere to go, although I don't remember where. She meets new guys/new friends, somehow convinces them to lend her money or let her "stay there" temporarily, or rent a room from them, it lasts a few months, and she's on to the next place. </p><p></p><p>I do know there are some kids that need extra help, and the "throwing out" without helping them find a place may not always be an option. I used to think Oldest was one of those, but I don't any more. I think she is firmly entrenched in her borderline thinking, and since she refuses to acknowledge it or ever get help for it, it's not likely to change, maybe ever. I think if I'd enabled her by calling places to see if they'd take her in, etc., it would have only made things worse, and would make her less likely to be self-sufficient. It's a crazy life she lives, not knowing where she's going next, but she manages to figure it out, somehow, so I still consider it "self-sufficient." As I've said in other threads, her behavior hasn't necessarily changed over all, the patterns continue to repeat themselves, but her treatment of me has changed/gotten better. I think with difficult children like mine, once we stand our ground with and take back OUR lives, this can happen, eventually. </p><p></p><p>I think you won't know just how capable your difficult child is of taking care of herself, until you let her try. </p><p></p><p>Hugs. And more hugs.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="CrazyinVA, post: 368231, member: 1157"] I threw Oldest out at 19. I had wanted her out for weeks, but she refused to leave because she had "nowhere to go." I couldn't "make" her leave without formal eviction proceedings, according to the folks I talked to at the Sheriff's department. Finally one night she blew, threw a chair at me, and I called 911. She was still so out of control when the police got there that she tried to run, and they tackled her and handcuffed her, right there in my laundry room, while she cursed at them. She left escorted by the deputies, with her then-boyfriend (who they'd let her call) and went to live with him and his parents for awhile. Prior to that night, living there had not been an option, but once she was actually "kicked out" of my place, they took her in. I worried for awhile what she had told them about me, what they must think, even knowing *I* was in the right to do what I did, it still bugged the heck out of me. I had to work hard to tell myself that what others thought of my decision didn't matter, especially those that didn't even know the real situation. Interestingly enough, I met her boyfriend's mother a few months later, and she let me know in a roundabout way that she "got it." Turns out the boyfriend's older sister was a lot like Oldest. Here we are, seven years later. It's been a rollercoaster. She's had "nowhere to go" several times, even lived in her car for a couple days once when I refused to let her come back. There was one time I *did* let her come back for about a week, about 3 years ago.. a week was all it took, and I told her she had to go. She didn't fight this time. She found somewhere to go, although I don't remember where. She meets new guys/new friends, somehow convinces them to lend her money or let her "stay there" temporarily, or rent a room from them, it lasts a few months, and she's on to the next place. I do know there are some kids that need extra help, and the "throwing out" without helping them find a place may not always be an option. I used to think Oldest was one of those, but I don't any more. I think she is firmly entrenched in her borderline thinking, and since she refuses to acknowledge it or ever get help for it, it's not likely to change, maybe ever. I think if I'd enabled her by calling places to see if they'd take her in, etc., it would have only made things worse, and would make her less likely to be self-sufficient. It's a crazy life she lives, not knowing where she's going next, but she manages to figure it out, somehow, so I still consider it "self-sufficient." As I've said in other threads, her behavior hasn't necessarily changed over all, the patterns continue to repeat themselves, but her treatment of me has changed/gotten better. I think with difficult children like mine, once we stand our ground with and take back OUR lives, this can happen, eventually. I think you won't know just how capable your difficult child is of taking care of herself, until you let her try. Hugs. And more hugs. [/QUOTE]
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Have you ever *really* thrown your kid out?
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