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Have you ever *really* thrown your kid out?
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 368369"><p>It is so hard.... just as background my son did a wilderness program and then a TBS for 16 months. He did great his first year home and then started to go down hill.... and started using drugs again which just complicates his other issues.</p><p></p><p>One thing that was really helpful when we kicked him out was my therapist. My husband and I both went to see her. My initial thinking was we had to think and agree under what conditions we would let him come home. She stopped me right there and said no you should not even think about him coming home. It is not good for him or for you. It is time to find his own way. Think instead about the ways you are willing to help him and ways in which you are not. So we have kept in touch, did not bail him out of jail, did give him a ride to court another time, did bring him his bike and I have agreed to take him shopping for some clothes. However under no circumstances will I give him cash. I would buy him food to eat and possibly groceries. But I had to change my initial thinking which was that he would end up coming home.... but the therapist pointed out we would just end up in the same cycle.... which it sounds like ahs sorted of happened to you.</p><p></p><p>And yes it is not just about what is good for her, it is also about what is good for the rest of you. However I don't think it is good for her to live in a place where she gets away with breaking the rules.</p><p></p><p>One thing I think about my son, who is ODD, is he has to learn to obey the rules! You can't get along in life if you don't. Hopefully he is starting to learn that as in the last month he has been arrested twice, and will be summonsed on yet another set of charges. In life if you don't obey the rules you get arrested. He has always had to learn things the hard way.</p><p></p><p>I do wish I had found this site years ago.... it is wonderful to hear others stories and to know there are people out there who really understand what we are going through. My son has always been difficult and sometimes it was pretty lonely being his mom.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 368369"] It is so hard.... just as background my son did a wilderness program and then a TBS for 16 months. He did great his first year home and then started to go down hill.... and started using drugs again which just complicates his other issues. One thing that was really helpful when we kicked him out was my therapist. My husband and I both went to see her. My initial thinking was we had to think and agree under what conditions we would let him come home. She stopped me right there and said no you should not even think about him coming home. It is not good for him or for you. It is time to find his own way. Think instead about the ways you are willing to help him and ways in which you are not. So we have kept in touch, did not bail him out of jail, did give him a ride to court another time, did bring him his bike and I have agreed to take him shopping for some clothes. However under no circumstances will I give him cash. I would buy him food to eat and possibly groceries. But I had to change my initial thinking which was that he would end up coming home.... but the therapist pointed out we would just end up in the same cycle.... which it sounds like ahs sorted of happened to you. And yes it is not just about what is good for her, it is also about what is good for the rest of you. However I don't think it is good for her to live in a place where she gets away with breaking the rules. One thing I think about my son, who is ODD, is he has to learn to obey the rules! You can't get along in life if you don't. Hopefully he is starting to learn that as in the last month he has been arrested twice, and will be summonsed on yet another set of charges. In life if you don't obey the rules you get arrested. He has always had to learn things the hard way. I do wish I had found this site years ago.... it is wonderful to hear others stories and to know there are people out there who really understand what we are going through. My son has always been difficult and sometimes it was pretty lonely being his mom. [/QUOTE]
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Have you ever *really* thrown your kid out?
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