He is still there....

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by toughlovin, Nov 21, 2013.

  1. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    So my difficult child is still at the long term program he is at!! It has been a month. We are visiting him every week and except for the first visit it has been good. We dont do a lot of talking but we play cards and it is fun and companionable. I have come to realize that at this point, at the age of 22, his treatment is in his hands and his business. So I am not pushing for him to sign releases, I am not asking for any information beyond what he tells me. I go to the parent support group they offer so I have a good sense in general of what goes on but am not asking specifics. I know to take what he tells me with a grain of salt!! Lol. He did get to the next level.... and then pretty quickly lost it. I know I dont have the whole story as to why but that is ok... at least he is still there!!! I feel like he is absolutely in the right place and I feel very good about the program. At this point I am done trying to ask him about his treatment or give advice (unless asked) or anything other than just having a relationship with him. It feels really good to have him in a safe place!!! And we are the emergency contact, so if he walks they will definitely call us.

  2. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    You sound like you are at peace.
  3. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    I'm so glad he's still there - that is huge for him! I think you're playing your cards right (no pun intended)! Sounds like you're in a very good place, and that you can exhale for the holidays - enjoy yourself - you deserve it.
  4. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    I am in a good place and hopefully I havent jinxed it by saying something. lol. I am enjoying the sense of calm but I still jump a bit when the phone rings worrying it will be bad news! One night early on the phone rang late at night after I was asleep and my heart starting pounding, it was my daughter at college with some issue she wanted to chat with mom about!!! So I need to remember that now late night phone calls may be from her not him in trouble!

  5. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    I send a bit of peace in you. My difficult child is 21 and I think I share a bit of it. They're not in the fire and it's enough for now. Not ideal but nowhere near escalating. Maybe I am reading into it too much; but for me it's about 45% resignation and 55% relief that it isn't getting worse.

    Love and hope to you XO
  6. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    For me right now I think it is 80% relief that he is not on the streets or in jail, 10% fear that he will do something and will leave or get kicked out, and 10% resignation that what happens happens.
  7. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm glad you are in a relatively good place right now TL. Boy those percentages change quickly with what is going on at the time. I think I'm about equal between resignation/worry/relief right now. Fingers crossed that he satys there long enough to want to change.
  8. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    Just a quick addition.... we went to the support group on Monday night and the house is on restriction as a way to deal with some issues coming up with the whole group. I am glad they are so strict and on top of things. So they didnt have visits but we dropped some stuff off and saw my son briefly. He didnt totally seem to get it but was not real negative either. And THEN we got a letter written a few days before telling us about the restriction and he ended with saying "this isnt an easy program, but it is not impossible either"!!!! That is a really positive comment coming from him!! So I am happy about that and very thankful that at least for now and this holiday he is in a safe place and seems to be doing ok.

  9. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

  10. scent of cedar

    scent of cedar New Member

    It's so nice to hear he is doing better, TL. You also sound good. I am happy for you and your family. You have much to be thankful for!

  11. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    Really heartening. Love!!