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heartbreak for me!!!!!!
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 288567" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Have you read "The Explosive Child" yet? It might help.</p><p></p><p>Thething is, the parenting methods you're trying to use might be the way we were raised (and tere's nothing wrong with us) and might be how you rasied other children who are now perfect model citizens, but for some kids, those methods just make them much worse and never produce anything of value. </p><p></p><p>Sometimes you need to change direction. Not because what you are doing is wrong, but because it's a bad fit for that child.</p><p></p><p>We often forget to focus on our long-term goal and instead get caught up and sidetracked by the competition that forms between us and the child, to not let the other party win and get away with bad behaviour. The trouble is, when you find yourself in that scenario you have already lost. You need to get away form competiton mode and into support mode. You think, how is tta possiblewhen he is constantly pushing the boundaries? Werll it's possible if you don't set up the boundaries in that way. It's like playing tug of war when there's nobody else on the other end of the rope. The game just doesn't happen.</p><p>And in tis case, it's not about te game, it's about your child learning self-discipline and respect. And he's not learning respect if you're constantly having to impose your will because he won't do as he's told. All he's learning is that to get what you want to happen, you have to impose your will. And when he sees parents working that way, he is learning that imposing your will on others is the acceptable way to negotiate.</p><p></p><p>The book helps, it provides better options that are also easier to use. Fewer bruises, all round!</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 288567, member: 1991"] Have you read "The Explosive Child" yet? It might help. Thething is, the parenting methods you're trying to use might be the way we were raised (and tere's nothing wrong with us) and might be how you rasied other children who are now perfect model citizens, but for some kids, those methods just make them much worse and never produce anything of value. Sometimes you need to change direction. Not because what you are doing is wrong, but because it's a bad fit for that child. We often forget to focus on our long-term goal and instead get caught up and sidetracked by the competition that forms between us and the child, to not let the other party win and get away with bad behaviour. The trouble is, when you find yourself in that scenario you have already lost. You need to get away form competiton mode and into support mode. You think, how is tta possiblewhen he is constantly pushing the boundaries? Werll it's possible if you don't set up the boundaries in that way. It's like playing tug of war when there's nobody else on the other end of the rope. The game just doesn't happen. And in tis case, it's not about te game, it's about your child learning self-discipline and respect. And he's not learning respect if you're constantly having to impose your will because he won't do as he's told. All he's learning is that to get what you want to happen, you have to impose your will. And when he sees parents working that way, he is learning that imposing your will on others is the acceptable way to negotiate. The book helps, it provides better options that are also easier to use. Fewer bruises, all round! Marg [/QUOTE]
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