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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 112726" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Welcome, Mookie. Get the book Kitty recommended, it's darn good and could begin to turn things round for you, with both your older kids. It's a discipline method that I personally found was EASIER, it also seems to shortcut to teaching the kids self-determination at a much younger age. You can use it on PCs as well as difficult children. Your DEX will probably not want to use it - that will then become HIS problem.</p><p></p><p>If you can't afford to buy a copy, get it out of the library, or Google it and read up on what you can about it. There was some discussion on Early Childhood, it may have been archived by now. But there is plenty of discussion on this book (The Explosive Child) on this site, to give you an idea.</p><p></p><p>The techniques described in this book sound like you're spoiling the child, but it's not. It's learning when to give way and when to require compliance. It's learning to recognise meltdown triggers early enough to head problems off as best as you can. In the process, the child is learning that you are there to help, and not hinder.</p><p></p><p>ODD - I think it's too readily diagnosed. Too many kids actually have another underlying problem (there are a lot of different problems which if handled wrongly, can resemble ODD). When you treat the underlying problem and also change your discipline methods, you can find the ODD symptoms easing considerably.</p><p></p><p>I'm not saying that you are a bad disciplinarian - far from it. Most of us were brought up to be strict, and when dealing with a problem child, we tend to tighten the rules. For most kids, this works. For some kids, it makes them worse. You need to find another way. The book helped us with that. It's helped a lot of other people here. It's not a cure, it's not for everybody, but the odds are, you will find in some way it helps.</p><p></p><p>And I'm with everyone else regarding your boyfriend. The last thing you need right now is another unstable influence. You're already having another baby - but the baby can adapt to your own methods. Sounds like boyfriend cannot. I would be keeping boyfriend at arms length ("friends with benefits"?) until HE gets sorted out, develops a better understanding for the support you need and takes a positive role in helping, and doesn't stand on the sidelines criticising.</p><p></p><p>Look into your heart - why do you want boyfriend in your life? Analyse it. Then see if there is any other way to fill that need you identify, without having boyfriend living in your home and making your life more difficult. </p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 112726, member: 1991"] Welcome, Mookie. Get the book Kitty recommended, it's darn good and could begin to turn things round for you, with both your older kids. It's a discipline method that I personally found was EASIER, it also seems to shortcut to teaching the kids self-determination at a much younger age. You can use it on PCs as well as difficult children. Your DEX will probably not want to use it - that will then become HIS problem. If you can't afford to buy a copy, get it out of the library, or Google it and read up on what you can about it. There was some discussion on Early Childhood, it may have been archived by now. But there is plenty of discussion on this book (The Explosive Child) on this site, to give you an idea. The techniques described in this book sound like you're spoiling the child, but it's not. It's learning when to give way and when to require compliance. It's learning to recognise meltdown triggers early enough to head problems off as best as you can. In the process, the child is learning that you are there to help, and not hinder. ODD - I think it's too readily diagnosed. Too many kids actually have another underlying problem (there are a lot of different problems which if handled wrongly, can resemble ODD). When you treat the underlying problem and also change your discipline methods, you can find the ODD symptoms easing considerably. I'm not saying that you are a bad disciplinarian - far from it. Most of us were brought up to be strict, and when dealing with a problem child, we tend to tighten the rules. For most kids, this works. For some kids, it makes them worse. You need to find another way. The book helped us with that. It's helped a lot of other people here. It's not a cure, it's not for everybody, but the odds are, you will find in some way it helps. And I'm with everyone else regarding your boyfriend. The last thing you need right now is another unstable influence. You're already having another baby - but the baby can adapt to your own methods. Sounds like boyfriend cannot. I would be keeping boyfriend at arms length ("friends with benefits"?) until HE gets sorted out, develops a better understanding for the support you need and takes a positive role in helping, and doesn't stand on the sidelines criticising. Look into your heart - why do you want boyfriend in your life? Analyse it. Then see if there is any other way to fill that need you identify, without having boyfriend living in your home and making your life more difficult. Marg [/QUOTE]
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