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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 595114" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Hi Outtahere, welcome. You've arrived at a safe place where many of us can understand and have empathy for your plight. You may also want to put your post over in Parent Emeritus, where those of us who have adult kids spend most of our time............</p><p></p><p>I'm not sure there are any certain answers to your question, 'do they figure it out?'........each of us has their own complicated story with our kids and each of us has to learn ways to cope but more importantly ways to set boundaries and learn detachment skills. There is an article at the bottom of my post here about detachment which you may find helpful. </p><p></p><p>Having kids with issues, whether anger, mental illness, substance abuse, etc. throws all "normal" parent choices overboard and we have to recreate that role to fit the circumstances we find ourselves in. It's not easy, but usually it's necessary. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this, your son is at an age where you may really not be able to make a difference in whether he can "admit to his anger issues and recognize that he needs help." One of the interesting and dismal statistics about Bipolar disorder is that there is a very high percentage of folks who do not recognize that they have a disorder and if they do, they may or may not be medication compliant or in fact compliant in any way. </p><p></p><p>Part of the journey for us as parents is to not only understand the issues our kids face, but to realize that we in fact, may be powerless to change anything. We cannot control the behavior of another human being, even our own children. We all try so hard and for so long because we love them and want them to be safe and successful and happy. But, ultimately, we cannot force that upon them, they have to choose it. Many of us here get to the point of having to detach from our kids and their behaviors in very strong and clear ways. We have to do that to protect ourselves and the rest of our families. And, so we can find solace and joy in spite of another's issues.</p><p></p><p>It's a long road, it takes time to get through because of course we want to try every single avenue to help them...........and sometimes that leads to a dead end and we understand we can't go any further. You cannot help someone who is not willing to help themselves, all you will succeed in doing is making yourself very upset, angry, frustrated, resentful and sad. </p><p></p><p>I am really sorry you had to look for us, but now that you're here, let us know more about you...........if it feels right, put a signature at the bottom of your post, as you see in our posts so we can recall who you are and offer you the most support. It helps to vent and communicate with others who feel the same way you do. It helps to get yourself some outside help, either in groups like NAMI groups,( National Alliance on Mental Illness, you can access them online-they are an excellent resource for us parents)............or if it works for you, find a good therapist so you can learn tools to cope, detach, set boundaries and accept what you cannot change. It's tough. But you can find your way through it all. Keep yourself well supported, do things that make you happy and bring you peace. And, remember, at some point in your journey, you may need to distance yourself from your son, whether he forces a jail sentence or you decide you just don't want to live walking on eggshells in your home. I wish you peace................and send you hugs....</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 595114, member: 13542"] Hi Outtahere, welcome. You've arrived at a safe place where many of us can understand and have empathy for your plight. You may also want to put your post over in Parent Emeritus, where those of us who have adult kids spend most of our time............ I'm not sure there are any certain answers to your question, 'do they figure it out?'........each of us has their own complicated story with our kids and each of us has to learn ways to cope but more importantly ways to set boundaries and learn detachment skills. There is an article at the bottom of my post here about detachment which you may find helpful. Having kids with issues, whether anger, mental illness, substance abuse, etc. throws all "normal" parent choices overboard and we have to recreate that role to fit the circumstances we find ourselves in. It's not easy, but usually it's necessary. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this, your son is at an age where you may really not be able to make a difference in whether he can "admit to his anger issues and recognize that he needs help." One of the interesting and dismal statistics about Bipolar disorder is that there is a very high percentage of folks who do not recognize that they have a disorder and if they do, they may or may not be medication compliant or in fact compliant in any way. Part of the journey for us as parents is to not only understand the issues our kids face, but to realize that we in fact, may be powerless to change anything. We cannot control the behavior of another human being, even our own children. We all try so hard and for so long because we love them and want them to be safe and successful and happy. But, ultimately, we cannot force that upon them, they have to choose it. Many of us here get to the point of having to detach from our kids and their behaviors in very strong and clear ways. We have to do that to protect ourselves and the rest of our families. And, so we can find solace and joy in spite of another's issues. It's a long road, it takes time to get through because of course we want to try every single avenue to help them...........and sometimes that leads to a dead end and we understand we can't go any further. You cannot help someone who is not willing to help themselves, all you will succeed in doing is making yourself very upset, angry, frustrated, resentful and sad. I am really sorry you had to look for us, but now that you're here, let us know more about you...........if it feels right, put a signature at the bottom of your post, as you see in our posts so we can recall who you are and offer you the most support. It helps to vent and communicate with others who feel the same way you do. It helps to get yourself some outside help, either in groups like NAMI groups,( National Alliance on Mental Illness, you can access them online-they are an excellent resource for us parents)............or if it works for you, find a good therapist so you can learn tools to cope, detach, set boundaries and accept what you cannot change. It's tough. But you can find your way through it all. Keep yourself well supported, do things that make you happy and bring you peace. And, remember, at some point in your journey, you may need to distance yourself from your son, whether he forces a jail sentence or you decide you just don't want to live walking on eggshells in your home. I wish you peace................and send you hugs.... [/QUOTE]
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