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Parent Emeritus
Hello my friends! I need advice....
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<blockquote data-quote="busywend" data-source="post: 67830" data-attributes="member: 391"><p>You give a hand up to a person that has earned it and worked hard for the respect that a hand up requires. Otherwise it is a gift - with no strings attached. And most likely is harmful more than helpful. If he does not earn it he learns nothing. </p><p></p><p>Tell him in one year if he is doing well - define that in your own standards; own place to live, own car, full time job, etc. You will help him X; get a car, go to college or whatever it is that seems impossible to him at this time. </p><p></p><p>He MUST make the decisions about his future. You see if he makes the decisions he has nobody to blame for the failures but himself. As long as you help or suggest or hand up - he can find blame in others; ie: YOU. And he never turns it on himself like he should. </p><p>He needs to know that his life path is in his own hands now. You should certainly explain to him that each decision he makes impacts his life - just as he has seen from this experience.</p><p>I would probably use his dad as an example of the way his life could be at 40. OR he can make better decisions.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="busywend, post: 67830, member: 391"] You give a hand up to a person that has earned it and worked hard for the respect that a hand up requires. Otherwise it is a gift - with no strings attached. And most likely is harmful more than helpful. If he does not earn it he learns nothing. Tell him in one year if he is doing well - define that in your own standards; own place to live, own car, full time job, etc. You will help him X; get a car, go to college or whatever it is that seems impossible to him at this time. He MUST make the decisions about his future. You see if he makes the decisions he has nobody to blame for the failures but himself. As long as you help or suggest or hand up - he can find blame in others; ie: YOU. And he never turns it on himself like he should. He needs to know that his life path is in his own hands now. You should certainly explain to him that each decision he makes impacts his life - just as he has seen from this experience. I would probably use his dad as an example of the way his life could be at 40. OR he can make better decisions. [/QUOTE]
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Parent Emeritus
Hello my friends! I need advice....
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