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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 349835" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>School is more structured and the school day follows a pattern. These kids do better when they know what is going to happen. Change is one of the biggest challenges for them and if you think about it, a lot of your problems could be connected to a need to change - change what he is doing ("Come and have your bath now!"); change what the family is doing ("I know we usually have dinner at 6 pm, but tonight we're having it at 7 pm and it's meatloaf, not hamburger") or some other change in routine ("Tonight we're all going out to see grandma"). The problems are much worse if the child has no notice - school, by the very need to move a lot of kids form one place to another, give notice of impending change in task or routine.</p><p></p><p>difficult child 3 has a good friend who is younger but also has a diagnosis of autism. This boy's parents have not told the school of the diagnosis, plus the boy copes better at school than difficult child 3 did. Friend also copes better with bullies (because his dad is big and tough so the other boys are less willing to take on friend in a fight). Friend's mother has also been known to tackle bullies head on and threaten them. Not what I would do, but it has meant her son is less of a target than difficult child 3 was (my fault for doing what is right - doesn't always work).</p><p>Friend does take medications for ADHD (which like difficult child 3, he has as well as the autism) and this makes a huge difference to his performance in class. As far as the school thinks, friend's problem is primarily ADHD.</p><p></p><p>Every kid is different. difficult child 3's Grade 1 teacher has identical twins, one is autistic the other is not. She said to me at the beginning of the yer, "Don't worry about difficult child 3, I understand about autism."</p><p>I said to her, "Every kid is different - he will surprise you."</p><p>After the first day she said to me, "You're right, he IS different. I didn't expect that!"</p><p>By later in the year she was fuming at times and saying, "I'm certain he has ODD!"</p><p>difficult child 3 was becoming very oppositional in his determination to have as much control as he could wrest. Meanwhile her son was not doing anything like this, he was actually very malleable as long as his anxieties were kept damped down.</p><p></p><p>Anxiety is a problem with a lot of kids for a lot of reasons (not just autism). It also can manifest in different ways, even in the same child. If you can keep the anxiety under control, a lot of the other problems also improve.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 349835, member: 1991"] School is more structured and the school day follows a pattern. These kids do better when they know what is going to happen. Change is one of the biggest challenges for them and if you think about it, a lot of your problems could be connected to a need to change - change what he is doing ("Come and have your bath now!"); change what the family is doing ("I know we usually have dinner at 6 pm, but tonight we're having it at 7 pm and it's meatloaf, not hamburger") or some other change in routine ("Tonight we're all going out to see grandma"). The problems are much worse if the child has no notice - school, by the very need to move a lot of kids form one place to another, give notice of impending change in task or routine. difficult child 3 has a good friend who is younger but also has a diagnosis of autism. This boy's parents have not told the school of the diagnosis, plus the boy copes better at school than difficult child 3 did. Friend also copes better with bullies (because his dad is big and tough so the other boys are less willing to take on friend in a fight). Friend's mother has also been known to tackle bullies head on and threaten them. Not what I would do, but it has meant her son is less of a target than difficult child 3 was (my fault for doing what is right - doesn't always work). Friend does take medications for ADHD (which like difficult child 3, he has as well as the autism) and this makes a huge difference to his performance in class. As far as the school thinks, friend's problem is primarily ADHD. Every kid is different. difficult child 3's Grade 1 teacher has identical twins, one is autistic the other is not. She said to me at the beginning of the yer, "Don't worry about difficult child 3, I understand about autism." I said to her, "Every kid is different - he will surprise you." After the first day she said to me, "You're right, he IS different. I didn't expect that!" By later in the year she was fuming at times and saying, "I'm certain he has ODD!" difficult child 3 was becoming very oppositional in his determination to have as much control as he could wrest. Meanwhile her son was not doing anything like this, he was actually very malleable as long as his anxieties were kept damped down. Anxiety is a problem with a lot of kids for a lot of reasons (not just autism). It also can manifest in different ways, even in the same child. If you can keep the anxiety under control, a lot of the other problems also improve. Marg [/QUOTE]
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