Help! I think my child has ODD and I don't know what to do

[jessylittlej]

my 4 yo daughter....**SIGH** I don't know where to begin, she isvery defiant and she does things that she knows that she isn't supposed to do, thangs that she know that she wil get in trouble for but she just doesn't care. Sje will scream and kick and cry when it comes down to the punishment, then when i ask her why she did it or if she was supposed to do it and she will say no I know i'm not supposed to do it and that she doesn't know why she did it and that next time she won't do it!!! Then about 2 mins later she is reapeating the behavior, it has come to the point now where i don't like to have friends over and don't like to take her to the store or park, beacuse pople look at me like i'm a horrible parent, but they just don't understand that it does no good to spank her or put her in timeout. I spend most of my days crying beacuse i know that she does know better than what she is doing, but she acts like she just doesn't care!! I just don't know what to do or what will work for her, I have tried all different kinds of reward systems, different punishments....Please someone please help me

 

[helpangel]

This could be normal 4yo behavior (tantrums, testing boundaries etc.) or it could be beginning signs of something major. This site has a special forum for parents of kids under 5yo; my recommendation would be to read for about 1/2 hour then make a post there (put something about being new in heading).

What really helped with getting Angel proper help was my calendars. I didn't have time for true charting so I used month at a glance calendar with big squares that would fit in my purse and multi pens in different colors. Red/anger, Blue/sad, Purple/sexual stuff, Orange/stealing, green/food suspects, black/general notes & everything else. Use your own code for what you feel need to document; the fact I had purple ink for a 3-6yo was a big red flag to the psychiatrists!

Anyway the 3 years of calendars that went into the psychiatric hospital with her got an accurate diagnosis on a 6yo. Often young kids diagnosis's change as more info is gathered. I personally feel ODD is a symptom not a stand alone diagnosis. The early childhood forum will put you in contact with parents of your childs age group and probably be of more help.

A good book to read is The Explosive Child by Ross Greene gives you some strategies toward dealing with the day to day. The only other advise I have is if have to restrain a child in public - I use to sing to Angel (it helps keep do-gooders from calling the law). Also my response to people who said I should whoop her was "so what your saying is if she was blind I could make her see by beating her?" Hope some of this helps and glad you found the site.

 

[keista]

Welcome!

Angel made some great suggestions. Charting behavior is job #1. Many of us here do not believe that ODD is a true diagnosis. If it were, there would be some sort of treatment protocol for it. There is none because so many things can be causing that behavior that manifests as ODD. Start treating those things, and ODD may start to fade.

Can you tell us more about her? Is she your bio daughter? Any mental illness or behavior disorders on the family tree? (diagnosed or suspected) If adopted any info from biomom? Drinking or drugs during pregnancy?

What kinds of things does your daughter continue to do when told not to? Sometimes the best solutions to our children's opposition is the most obvious. Despite it being obvious, as the parent, we just don't see it. It's not a flaw in intelligence or parenting, jut a flaw in human nature.

Ex. Friend was complaining that EVERY TIME they wen out to eat, they had to leave early because her son would disrupt the meal. He was constantly getting up and checking out the other tables, "spinning" in his seat, being loud and restless. this is something they did all the time, so you think the kid would get with the program, right? Well, first, the kid was 3. Second, the kid already had a diagnosis of Asperger's and ADHD. Third, they NEVER brought him any portable entertainment. ??????? Yeah, this friend expected her 3y/o autistic child to behave like an 80 y/o in this wonderfully stimulating land where all the women were dressed alike, and there were so many tables and chairs, and it was so fascinating that every table had the same stuff on it, well, he thought it was all the same stuff, but no one let him get up and check it out to verify, so it was really bugging him that he couldn't be sure if all the tables were the same, and he got to sit on this bouncy bench by a big window that overlooked the road and he could see all the cars and trucks go by but only when he got up on his knees and turned around, but he wasn't allowed to do that and then they just had to sit and wait for the food and all they could do was talk and that's so BORING. So TANTRUM before the food ever arrives.

To me, the observer, it was obvious. Let the kid check out the tables before sitting down, let him look out the window, and bring his ds, or dvd player or whatever other toy kept him quiet and interested for a while. "But then he won't learn the proper way to behave" Sweetie, then be prepared to leave due to his tantrum before the food comes EVERY TIME.

So anyway, please share nitty gritty details. maybe someone will have a solution, if only for one particular situation, that'll put you ahead of where you are now. Might also help indicate a pattern of what kinds of things set your daughter off.