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Help...in need of understanding!!
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<blockquote data-quote="Hoping4answers" data-source="post: 187146" data-attributes="member: 5709"><p>Well were 2 sessions in to therapy so basically were still in the gathering stage. difficult child is still at gma's house but gma is a pushover who will buy her whatever she wants and allow her free reign for the most part. Her therapist suggested continuing her in dance but I'm worried that allowing this may hinder any progress. She doesn't love it by a long shot...in fact it has been our longstanding belief that she only continues so that her sister can't have the spotlight or have it for herself. I personally think that it only makes her angry and frustrated because she can't compete with her sister. difficult child has other talents but won't explore them because she can't see past her resentment towrads her sister. </p><p></p><p>I made the mistake of confiding in a friend who believes she should be home instead with me on her 24/7. Never allowing her to be with the other kids (which is obvious) never allowing her to be anywhere but right by my side...including the bathroom. I agree that her being alone with anyone is a mistake but if I'm dedicating all my time to keeping her right next to me how will my other children get what they need?? Her sister wouldn't even move back into their room until all her stuff was gone and begs not to see her. The dynamic changes completely whenever difficult child's around...her anger ***** the happiness out of every situation. In turn her siblings become very agitated. </p><p></p><p>I've been trying to continue taking the other kids to do fun things and maintain the family dynamic but of course I feel incredibly guilty for doing "family" things without the WHOLE family. difficult child is showing NO remorse of any kind and has started triangulating with her gma and the DOG! Is the need to be the center of attention so deep that any relationship is not ok?? The only thing she seems to feel is anger and the only time she has any feeling about the situation is when she heard we took the others bowling to which she complained it wasn't fair. Gma quickly reititerated that she had created the situation...to which she responded to by giving the silent treatment. When gma asks what her problem with siblings is she replies with "they need discipline and mommy and daddy don't discipline"...and she's right...if beating the kids black and blue is what she considers discipline then we DO NOT discipline!! Which is ironic as she's claiming we don't "discipline" at the same time that she's saying we abuse her. </p><p></p><p>I am already unsure of the way I've handled difficult child and my friend just struck a nerve there and set me back 2 weeks in the dealing process. I was starting to accept that we had to continue our lives while helping her...getting the family pics with pregnant belly even if she wasn't in them, taking our long weekend, going to the zoo, ect... </p><p></p><p>Thanks for listening!!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hoping4answers, post: 187146, member: 5709"] Well were 2 sessions in to therapy so basically were still in the gathering stage. difficult child is still at gma's house but gma is a pushover who will buy her whatever she wants and allow her free reign for the most part. Her therapist suggested continuing her in dance but I'm worried that allowing this may hinder any progress. She doesn't love it by a long shot...in fact it has been our longstanding belief that she only continues so that her sister can't have the spotlight or have it for herself. I personally think that it only makes her angry and frustrated because she can't compete with her sister. difficult child has other talents but won't explore them because she can't see past her resentment towrads her sister. I made the mistake of confiding in a friend who believes she should be home instead with me on her 24/7. Never allowing her to be with the other kids (which is obvious) never allowing her to be anywhere but right by my side...including the bathroom. I agree that her being alone with anyone is a mistake but if I'm dedicating all my time to keeping her right next to me how will my other children get what they need?? Her sister wouldn't even move back into their room until all her stuff was gone and begs not to see her. The dynamic changes completely whenever difficult child's around...her anger ***** the happiness out of every situation. In turn her siblings become very agitated. I've been trying to continue taking the other kids to do fun things and maintain the family dynamic but of course I feel incredibly guilty for doing "family" things without the WHOLE family. difficult child is showing NO remorse of any kind and has started triangulating with her gma and the DOG! Is the need to be the center of attention so deep that any relationship is not ok?? The only thing she seems to feel is anger and the only time she has any feeling about the situation is when she heard we took the others bowling to which she complained it wasn't fair. Gma quickly reititerated that she had created the situation...to which she responded to by giving the silent treatment. When gma asks what her problem with siblings is she replies with "they need discipline and mommy and daddy don't discipline"...and she's right...if beating the kids black and blue is what she considers discipline then we DO NOT discipline!! Which is ironic as she's claiming we don't "discipline" at the same time that she's saying we abuse her. I am already unsure of the way I've handled difficult child and my friend just struck a nerve there and set me back 2 weeks in the dealing process. I was starting to accept that we had to continue our lives while helping her...getting the family pics with pregnant belly even if she wasn't in them, taking our long weekend, going to the zoo, ect... Thanks for listening!!! [/QUOTE]
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