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<blockquote data-quote="slsh" data-source="post: 375617" data-attributes="member: 8"><p>Hmmmm, this makes the second SW today who seems to have found a crystal ball and can predict the future. EGADS! Your son is 6. That is so young... of course you're desperate to help him. That's in the mom job description and in my humble opinion absolutely positively appropriate. </p><p></p><p>"That he will be made fun of, unable to hold a job, and will never find a spouse. He will be bitter and unhappy for the rest of his life." This is such an utterly ridiculous statement that all I can think to say is, Are you kidding me?!?! This guy is in the wrong business if he can so calmly write off a 6-year-old. Personally, I'd be speaking with- his supervisor, because he's got some serious deficiencies in performing his job appropriately. </p><p></p><p>Your son is 6. I am a huge believer in early intervention, and in terms of LDs and mental illness, 6 is early. You have at least a solid 12 years in front of you to help your son learn to accommodate for whatever challenges may come up, to learn tools to use to manage his LDs/mood swings/whatever. There is such a huge amount of growth ahead for him. And kids are resilient and adaptive. </p><p></p><p>Yes, there is going to come a time when you are going to have to start learning to detach, not be as emotionally invested in your kid, but now is most definitely not that time. Now is the time to work hard to find him the very best services - school, therapeutic, recreational, medical, psychiatric - that you can. Now is the time to *advocate* (which I suspect your SW would also call "too emotionally involved"). Now is when you and your son work so that he can be a happy, healthy, law-abiding, and productive adult. Yes, maybe his future has changed but to be honest with- you, I think all of our kids' futures change as they grow up and become their own person. Not many adults fulfill *their* parents' fantasies of who they would be.</p><p></p><p>I think it's really hard to "be real" about where our kids are at, developmentally/emotionally, when there are definitely issues there. But I very strongly believe that at the end of the day, the parents know the kids best. They have a better feel than any professional out there for what their child's strengths are, what positive things they are capable of. I also believe that our kids show us their potential, and we see it far more clearly than any professional. </p><p></p><p>I know with- my difficult child, his diagnosis changed only about a gazillion times between the age of 6 and 16 - bipolar was always a constant, but I think we used every letter in the alphabet at some point during that decade for add-on diagnoses. Kids grow, mature, change. We have to take cues from them and adapt as well.</p><p></p><p>So... I'd take this SW's pronouncements with a whole lot of grains of salt. Maybe a whole salt mine. Find a good therapist in your community (if you don't already have one) so that you and your son and your family can get supports when he's home again. Get copies of the evaluations they do, when/if they define his learning challenges, and get it up to your school to request that he be evaluated for an IEP so that interventions can start now in school. Keep on being emotionally involved (it's foreign to me that anyone could think that is bad - I mean, you don't strike me as someone who is unhealthy in their attachment to their child). We'll chat about detachment in about 10-12 years, ok?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="slsh, post: 375617, member: 8"] Hmmmm, this makes the second SW today who seems to have found a crystal ball and can predict the future. EGADS! Your son is 6. That is so young... of course you're desperate to help him. That's in the mom job description and in my humble opinion absolutely positively appropriate. "That he will be made fun of, unable to hold a job, and will never find a spouse. He will be bitter and unhappy for the rest of his life." This is such an utterly ridiculous statement that all I can think to say is, Are you kidding me?!?! This guy is in the wrong business if he can so calmly write off a 6-year-old. Personally, I'd be speaking with- his supervisor, because he's got some serious deficiencies in performing his job appropriately. Your son is 6. I am a huge believer in early intervention, and in terms of LDs and mental illness, 6 is early. You have at least a solid 12 years in front of you to help your son learn to accommodate for whatever challenges may come up, to learn tools to use to manage his LDs/mood swings/whatever. There is such a huge amount of growth ahead for him. And kids are resilient and adaptive. Yes, there is going to come a time when you are going to have to start learning to detach, not be as emotionally invested in your kid, but now is most definitely not that time. Now is the time to work hard to find him the very best services - school, therapeutic, recreational, medical, psychiatric - that you can. Now is the time to *advocate* (which I suspect your SW would also call "too emotionally involved"). Now is when you and your son work so that he can be a happy, healthy, law-abiding, and productive adult. Yes, maybe his future has changed but to be honest with- you, I think all of our kids' futures change as they grow up and become their own person. Not many adults fulfill *their* parents' fantasies of who they would be. I think it's really hard to "be real" about where our kids are at, developmentally/emotionally, when there are definitely issues there. But I very strongly believe that at the end of the day, the parents know the kids best. They have a better feel than any professional out there for what their child's strengths are, what positive things they are capable of. I also believe that our kids show us their potential, and we see it far more clearly than any professional. I know with- my difficult child, his diagnosis changed only about a gazillion times between the age of 6 and 16 - bipolar was always a constant, but I think we used every letter in the alphabet at some point during that decade for add-on diagnoses. Kids grow, mature, change. We have to take cues from them and adapt as well. So... I'd take this SW's pronouncements with a whole lot of grains of salt. Maybe a whole salt mine. Find a good therapist in your community (if you don't already have one) so that you and your son and your family can get supports when he's home again. Get copies of the evaluations they do, when/if they define his learning challenges, and get it up to your school to request that he be evaluated for an IEP so that interventions can start now in school. Keep on being emotionally involved (it's foreign to me that anyone could think that is bad - I mean, you don't strike me as someone who is unhealthy in their attachment to their child). We'll chat about detachment in about 10-12 years, ok? [/QUOTE]
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