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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 245985" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Hi and Welcome! I really think it sounds like more going on than just ODD. A test that is just for marijuana is not very complete. You may need to have the court order a complete drug test or take him in to his doctor for a physical and a complete checkup (have them include the drug test with-o telling him if possible - call ahead.</p><p></p><p>If he is in a gang even "a little bit" it is SERIOUS and possibly life threatening. Sadly, unless he wants to change you have little recourse but to keep working with the cops. </p><p></p><p>Keep reporting him. Refuse to take him home when the police call you after he runs away (may need to consult an attorney about this - see if your benefits from work include a prepaid legal package and try that).</p><p></p><p>He also needs a complete workup by a neuropsychologist. The diagnosis ODD is pretty useless. It describes behaviors but doesn't tell you WHY they are happening. Whereas a bipolar or mood disorder or even drug addiction diagnosis tells you more of what is going on and what to do to help. ODD diagnosis's come with most other psychiatric problems our kids have, so they are not as useful. </p><p></p><p>As for wilderness camps, I don't have much faith in them. They may turn your son around for a little while (IF he wants to change or it is hard enough on him) but when he comes home there will be little support to encourage the changes. </p><p></p><p>I would call the cops ON the girlfriend's family as harboring a runaway/fugitive minor/whatever EACH time you know he is there. See if you can press charges against the adults in that house so you cut off his "escape route" a little bit. Each time he finds someone to take him in, you may need to do this.</p><p></p><p>But be CAREFUL because the gang involvement. Not sure what they would do to YOU. And if he is involved with a gang, and if there is any drug involvement, then there is probably some involvement with dealing or being a "mule" for the gang. That is bad news.</p><p></p><p>When he isn't home go through his room. Remove EVERYTHING but his mattress, some clothing (does NOT have to be what he LIKES to wear, just stuff to cover his body). Provide food that is basic and nourishing but do not go out of the way to provide what he likes. He isn't following the rules so he should have no 'goodies'. Tkae tv, game systems, etc away from him. tv in main room and/or your room for YOU. No video games, no computer games, no cell phone (he may be using a cell phone to further drug involvement), no mp3 player, nothing. Just a mattress on the floor and some clothing to cover his body. When he needs new clothes go to Goodwill or the Salvation Army until he EARNS the privilege of having clothing he likes. </p><p></p><p>He will be very angry. This is tough to do. But it is one step to trying to turn things around. If it were me, his stuff would not be stored in the house. I would either get rid of it or get a storage unit that he does not know about to keep the stuff in. It will be a big job, so other than pawning video games and valuables, I would use freecycle or a thrift store to get rid of some of the stuff.</p><p></p><p>I also STRONGLY recommend al anon or narc anon or families anonymous. You will find support there (inperson support) and more ideas.</p><p></p><p>I am so glad you found us, but so sorry you needed to.</p><p></p><p>Gentle hugs,</p><p>Susie</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 245985, member: 1233"] Hi and Welcome! I really think it sounds like more going on than just ODD. A test that is just for marijuana is not very complete. You may need to have the court order a complete drug test or take him in to his doctor for a physical and a complete checkup (have them include the drug test with-o telling him if possible - call ahead. If he is in a gang even "a little bit" it is SERIOUS and possibly life threatening. Sadly, unless he wants to change you have little recourse but to keep working with the cops. Keep reporting him. Refuse to take him home when the police call you after he runs away (may need to consult an attorney about this - see if your benefits from work include a prepaid legal package and try that). He also needs a complete workup by a neuropsychologist. The diagnosis ODD is pretty useless. It describes behaviors but doesn't tell you WHY they are happening. Whereas a bipolar or mood disorder or even drug addiction diagnosis tells you more of what is going on and what to do to help. ODD diagnosis's come with most other psychiatric problems our kids have, so they are not as useful. As for wilderness camps, I don't have much faith in them. They may turn your son around for a little while (IF he wants to change or it is hard enough on him) but when he comes home there will be little support to encourage the changes. I would call the cops ON the girlfriend's family as harboring a runaway/fugitive minor/whatever EACH time you know he is there. See if you can press charges against the adults in that house so you cut off his "escape route" a little bit. Each time he finds someone to take him in, you may need to do this. But be CAREFUL because the gang involvement. Not sure what they would do to YOU. And if he is involved with a gang, and if there is any drug involvement, then there is probably some involvement with dealing or being a "mule" for the gang. That is bad news. When he isn't home go through his room. Remove EVERYTHING but his mattress, some clothing (does NOT have to be what he LIKES to wear, just stuff to cover his body). Provide food that is basic and nourishing but do not go out of the way to provide what he likes. He isn't following the rules so he should have no 'goodies'. Tkae tv, game systems, etc away from him. tv in main room and/or your room for YOU. No video games, no computer games, no cell phone (he may be using a cell phone to further drug involvement), no mp3 player, nothing. Just a mattress on the floor and some clothing to cover his body. When he needs new clothes go to Goodwill or the Salvation Army until he EARNS the privilege of having clothing he likes. He will be very angry. This is tough to do. But it is one step to trying to turn things around. If it were me, his stuff would not be stored in the house. I would either get rid of it or get a storage unit that he does not know about to keep the stuff in. It will be a big job, so other than pawning video games and valuables, I would use freecycle or a thrift store to get rid of some of the stuff. I also STRONGLY recommend al anon or narc anon or families anonymous. You will find support there (inperson support) and more ideas. I am so glad you found us, but so sorry you needed to. Gentle hugs, Susie [/QUOTE]
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