Oh, Susiestar, where were you tonight? (Wish you were here in my house on my shoulder) I wish I would have read your post prior to this evening.
Wintak, I am completely having pretty much the same issues as you are; however my child is 16 and in 10th grade.
This semester I've let the school handle all the missing homework (told them I would at the end of last semester), as it was creating so much chaos at home, it was never pleasant to be here.
Alas, here my gfg16 sits with- THREE F's, one of which is in her General Ed (Special Education I think) class - hth you can fail that class is beside me. The school has not followed through on their part with her IEP in regards to keeping up on the assignments, and yet again this semester is con-sequencing her the LAST 3 weeks (late school/detention each week). Never mind you, that I called them 3 weeks in to the semester to inform them (shouldn't they know) that she was missing work, and was kindly informed that they were going to wait it out and see if she could turn it around. HA!
So, end of semester, it's Finals. Gfg16 was given a TAKE HOME final, told she can use whatever means to answer it. Has until Tuesday. I say okay, 30 minutes each day working on it. "Sure Mom! I will do it later." HAHAHAHA - the baloney that comes out of these kids' mouths really bites! 'Later' arrived as it was an hour til bedtime, she refused, told to go to room (upstairs), she refused, told to go to the dining area (can't see tv), she refused. I was trying to watch American Idol, I rarely watch tv programs I want (maybe 1 or 2 hrs a wk). So I pick up the tv (tube and heavy) and haul it into my room, hunt down another cable cord, get everything plugged in, sit down, and WTH, 3 minutes left of the show! Man was I angry!
Now, after reading this thread, and SusieStars response, I sit here and go - man was I stupid! I'm NOT going to stress over this stuff again. It's her EASY final exam, if she wants to NOT do it, so be it, then she will fail that class even more so (already and F, but exam could raise it hopefully to a D). Because, like SS said, I truly am the only person who cares, not only about a letter grade, but about the fact that I want my difficult child to have some knowledge in her bank - but screw it, why care? Why, when all it did was infuriate me soooo much that I wasn't able to be a nice parent to my other two kids.
(sorry wintak to post all my gunk in here, but both posts are related. Homework has ALWAYS been an issue with this, at least this semester I've avoided the physically violent rages over homework issues)
With all that said and done, Can you really have an IEP that says NO HOMEWORK? Seriously? How? Tips? Please? Does that go for High School too?
<phew, by the way, I DO feel a little less stressed after letting all of that out>
Chances are he was NOT thinking of that though. Have you stopped to think about WHY this is such a hot button for you? I am NOT throwing stones - it was a huge hot button for me but our schools don't give homework other than spelling words and reading for twenty minutes a night until middle school. My kids have always chosen to read at least an hour a day on their own (other than rent and food and utilities, books are usually the single biggest item in our budget - and we rarely buy new ones!) and none of my kids ever needed to do much more than read over the spelling list, so homework is always a shock in middle school. But to me, homework was super important. It was a chance to show what you know and get an easy A. Wiz NEVER saw it that way.
Many of us have to accept that if school does not give a sh** then there is NO way to get our kids to care. I hated the way some teachers felt that the district guideline of 1 hr of homework per night for middle and jr high grades meant that EACH teacher should give that much homework. Kids spend at least 8 hrs at school, many sleep 8 hrs and that leaves 8 hrs for transportation, homework, activities, and family time. Of COURSE family time is what school and coaches don't care about, so often they try to fill those hours also. I have ALWAYS resented that, both as a student and as a parent. It is a major reason we limit the kids to one after school activity.
WHAT is your child getting from homework? He clearly knows that you are the ONLY one who cares what is written down. SO mostly it is just a battleground. Is it really worth ruining the evening to battle of whether his closet is near his bed? Consider the stress many of our kids are under at school. They are different. Everyone knows it - and they are invariably teased about it. Regardless of how they handle teasing, kids are cruel and many teachers simply close their eyes to it unless something really outrageous happens. Plus the socially aware kids know to save the meanness for times when the teacher is not paying attention. so our kids struggle to learn, to fit in, to do everything in an intense pressure cooker all day. Then they come home - and often fall apart. Homework is usually NOT going to teach them anything except that the torture doesn't end when you come home. Think back to your WORST year in school. Then figure that your child is like that or worse every single day. Think about what they are supposed to learn from an assignment that no one bothers to even look at as long as something is written down. in my opinion no one expects them to really do the work, it is just a waste of time as far as learning is considered. Kids are trained to worry about what is on the test - it is how schools are now set up. So there is no learning for learning sake. Add that to the mental and emotional overload our kids are on after a day of school and there is little hope for peaceful homework.
Consider if your relationship with your child is worth trashing over assignments taht clearly his school does not give a sh** about. Or is it a better idea to let him do as he pleases with it, and save the battling for issues that will matter in the long run? Clearly homework doesn't matter to school, even in the short run. I am all for supporting education, but not busywork given for no real learning purpose. Why not save the fight and use the time/energy to read a book outloud to each other. You read a paragraph, he reads one. Or you read it all. I recommend "Zombie Butts from Uranus" for kids his age. They are a RIOT and totally on the right age level - and far more interesting than those awful Captain underpants books!! Or get a book on CD and listen to it while you snuggle or fix dinner together. Your relationship will improve and you will save the fighting for issues you can make a difference on. Homework is NOT going to matter as long as no one else at school cares. Or get his IEP changed to read that he does NOT have homework at all. MANY of us do this because it isn't reasonable to expect ten hours of work out of a kid with our kids' problems. They struggle enough with-o the added battles that serve no purpose.
