Jungleland
Welcome to my jungle!
Hi family,
Just when I posted something positive about Aly (see laundry post on WC) it slaps me in the face!!
Yesterday, my sis had a foster care training and her husband was working, so I had to care for her kiddos (girls ages 8,7,5, boy age 3, the girls being J's bio sibs). My H and Aly came over to help me to keep track of them all as J and I now live on her horse ranch and I have no way of running around right now.
Day went along pretty well, just refereeing lots of little kid crappolla. After lunch, time for the 5 and unders to take a rest and the olders outside to play in the kiddie pool. H was washing dishes, I was resting/elevating my leg. H would go out every 10 minutes or so to check on the older girls.
He came in after checking on them, decided to watch a little TV with me (like 8 minutes worth). The girls came in on their own a few minutes later, all eating a piece of candy. RED flags went up because sis had NO candy on her property, can only mean that they found it in my apartment somewhere.
Girls had already been given strict instructions to stay out of my apartment, so they were questioned about who went in. Of course NO one would admit to it, so they all got a time out.
Fed them dinner, more outside playtime in the pool, with H outside with them.
They all came in pooped out so had them all get into jammies and lie down in the playroom with a movie.
Aly and the other 2 olders kept arguing about something and refusing to tell us what. Aly finally went screaming through the house begging to talk to H alone. They were gone a LONG time. H came back around the corner looking thoroughly shook up. He told me there was some "inappropriate behavior" between the olders earlier in the day.
About that time, sis got home. So we all sat down with the olders and had each one tell the story. Each one said something different, blamed the others, changed what they said many times.
Finally, Aly was the one to share the most accurate (as far as we can tell) info of what happened. OMG!! It was very inappropriate, thought out, manipulative, mean, horrible. There was inappropriate touching of each other, look out set up, blackmailing of the youngest of the 3 by offering her candy if she didn't tell, then the youngest said she was going to tell if they didn't let her "play their s*e*x game" with them.
These other girls are J's bio sibs who were all adopted from foster care, we adopted J, sis adopted older 3, all from a horrendously abusive, drugged filled home. At time of detention they were aged 4, 3, 1 and 3 mos. They were ALL abused in every way you can imagine by their Maternal G'pa and many other men.
Anyways, as you can see, their past was filled with talks and acts of s*e*x, it was an every day occurance for them. Their play is nearly always including a man raping a woman or a child, etc. So we do monitor them extremely closely. They had been improving sooooo much, they had finally been playing with baby dolls in the appropriate way the last few months.
We have NO idea of whose idea it was to play this little game, and, overall, it wouldn't bother me near as much as it does if there wasn't so much manipulation of younger children, lying, staking a watchout, AND their attitude while we were talking was beyond frightening. They had NO idea what was making us so upset, even though my sis and H were very calm, I tried hard but did cry a bit. Her oldest started screaming at Aly that Aly was "jealous of her and her mom, since Aly has to live away from HER mom". Sis nipped that one right away, but it still stung Aly and I very much.
Aly said she had never done anything like this before, but something makes all us adults doubt that as it was so well planned, so manipulative, so covered up.
I didn't get a wink of sleep last night, pain from my leg for being up way too much yesterday added to the sick, sick feeling of this situation didn't help!
Don't get me wrong, I understand that for "normal kiddos" this is probably just some normal exploration. Like I said, we wouldn't be nearly as upset if all these kids didn't have the past they had and that this wasn't presented to us in the way it way. Aly kept saying "I HAD to tell you first, Dad, so I wouldn't get into trouble", so basically she thought if she ratted out her cousins she would be free and clear. HOW scary is that?!?!?! And the only reason she did tell was because the oldest of the other kids was threatening her to be the one to tell if Aly didn't do it again with her in her room. That is when Aly came out screaming/crying for H.
So, so far our consequences are: sis is keeping her olders glued to her side until she can talk with their therapist tomorrow. They are basically on Mom-arrest. Aly will not be allowed over here for a very long time. Not sure I will even visit her for a long time either, she has been nothing but disrespectful most of the times we are together.
I am just sick. It is not just the act of what they were doing, it was that H and I actually had told them earlier that we trusted them to make good choices and good behaviors were expected from all of them or they would be losing all the priveleges of freedom. And then they pull this.
Heartbroken and sick,
Vickie
Just when I posted something positive about Aly (see laundry post on WC) it slaps me in the face!!
Yesterday, my sis had a foster care training and her husband was working, so I had to care for her kiddos (girls ages 8,7,5, boy age 3, the girls being J's bio sibs). My H and Aly came over to help me to keep track of them all as J and I now live on her horse ranch and I have no way of running around right now.
Day went along pretty well, just refereeing lots of little kid crappolla. After lunch, time for the 5 and unders to take a rest and the olders outside to play in the kiddie pool. H was washing dishes, I was resting/elevating my leg. H would go out every 10 minutes or so to check on the older girls.
He came in after checking on them, decided to watch a little TV with me (like 8 minutes worth). The girls came in on their own a few minutes later, all eating a piece of candy. RED flags went up because sis had NO candy on her property, can only mean that they found it in my apartment somewhere.
Girls had already been given strict instructions to stay out of my apartment, so they were questioned about who went in. Of course NO one would admit to it, so they all got a time out.
Fed them dinner, more outside playtime in the pool, with H outside with them.
They all came in pooped out so had them all get into jammies and lie down in the playroom with a movie.
Aly and the other 2 olders kept arguing about something and refusing to tell us what. Aly finally went screaming through the house begging to talk to H alone. They were gone a LONG time. H came back around the corner looking thoroughly shook up. He told me there was some "inappropriate behavior" between the olders earlier in the day.
About that time, sis got home. So we all sat down with the olders and had each one tell the story. Each one said something different, blamed the others, changed what they said many times.
Finally, Aly was the one to share the most accurate (as far as we can tell) info of what happened. OMG!! It was very inappropriate, thought out, manipulative, mean, horrible. There was inappropriate touching of each other, look out set up, blackmailing of the youngest of the 3 by offering her candy if she didn't tell, then the youngest said she was going to tell if they didn't let her "play their s*e*x game" with them.
These other girls are J's bio sibs who were all adopted from foster care, we adopted J, sis adopted older 3, all from a horrendously abusive, drugged filled home. At time of detention they were aged 4, 3, 1 and 3 mos. They were ALL abused in every way you can imagine by their Maternal G'pa and many other men.
Anyways, as you can see, their past was filled with talks and acts of s*e*x, it was an every day occurance for them. Their play is nearly always including a man raping a woman or a child, etc. So we do monitor them extremely closely. They had been improving sooooo much, they had finally been playing with baby dolls in the appropriate way the last few months.
We have NO idea of whose idea it was to play this little game, and, overall, it wouldn't bother me near as much as it does if there wasn't so much manipulation of younger children, lying, staking a watchout, AND their attitude while we were talking was beyond frightening. They had NO idea what was making us so upset, even though my sis and H were very calm, I tried hard but did cry a bit. Her oldest started screaming at Aly that Aly was "jealous of her and her mom, since Aly has to live away from HER mom". Sis nipped that one right away, but it still stung Aly and I very much.
Aly said she had never done anything like this before, but something makes all us adults doubt that as it was so well planned, so manipulative, so covered up.
I didn't get a wink of sleep last night, pain from my leg for being up way too much yesterday added to the sick, sick feeling of this situation didn't help!
Don't get me wrong, I understand that for "normal kiddos" this is probably just some normal exploration. Like I said, we wouldn't be nearly as upset if all these kids didn't have the past they had and that this wasn't presented to us in the way it way. Aly kept saying "I HAD to tell you first, Dad, so I wouldn't get into trouble", so basically she thought if she ratted out her cousins she would be free and clear. HOW scary is that?!?!?! And the only reason she did tell was because the oldest of the other kids was threatening her to be the one to tell if Aly didn't do it again with her in her room. That is when Aly came out screaming/crying for H.
So, so far our consequences are: sis is keeping her olders glued to her side until she can talk with their therapist tomorrow. They are basically on Mom-arrest. Aly will not be allowed over here for a very long time. Not sure I will even visit her for a long time either, she has been nothing but disrespectful most of the times we are together.
I am just sick. It is not just the act of what they were doing, it was that H and I actually had told them earlier that we trusted them to make good choices and good behaviors were expected from all of them or they would be losing all the priveleges of freedom. And then they pull this.
Heartbroken and sick,
Vickie
