help?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by NSangel, Aug 26, 2008.

  1. NSangel

    NSangel New Member

    Hi, new here too.

    My difficult child, is an 11 year old boy, that is ADHD/ODD. his adhd is under control thru medications, a very supportive school with an IPP for behaviour.

    So what's going on that prompted me here? since school let out, he is very oppositional. He sees a psychiatrist, and am currently waiting for *yet another* parenting course. which i have to take to see if it works before he'll see if there's anything else available.

    ok, so far tons of good things happened before school let out. he came home, graded with an A in health (A's in our house are worth $20..so rare). the week before he finished his reading tutoring program, was showered with presents from favorite tutor.. was awarded most improved cadet at navy leagues, and rec'd trophy. had party @ school and more presents from his EPAS.

    he came home, i told him i had to have a nap, was feeling sick. when i woke up maybe 30 mins later. he had completely destroyed his room by throwing paint EVERYWHERE. the wallpaper, floors and ceiling are ruined. it was all over toys, clothes, bed, furniture, computer..you name it.

    we stripped the room of everything but a mattress. and made him earn the stuff back.

    but as you guys arleady know, it's an on going battle.

    so last night (and this has happened half a dozen times), we went all the way to his taekwondo class. he's testing for blue belt on thurs..and he refused to go! so we sat class out in the car. and told him because he keeps refusing to go, he's not testing thrus. didn't phase him.

    don't know how to handle it, and expecting same thing with cadets in the fall.

    he really enjoys both of these activities, and he's going on his 3rd year in both. anyone have suggestions? good reads? something?

    pulling my hair out here. i am so hurt and frustrated. i feel like he's sucking the life out of me.

    his psychiatric wants him in these activites. and i find overall they help.
     
  2. ilovemykids

    ilovemykids New Member

    I understand...my son (6) has same issues...haven't found anything yet that works besides him wanting to do it (sometimes a little revearse psychology works)/// GL!
     
  3. Sara PA

    Sara PA New Member

    I'd say he isn't under control anymore.

    My take is that he has anxiety and self worth issues.

    I can remember my son at his worse always -- always -- did very badly when
    1. he was under pressure
    2. something good happened in his life.

    The first is anxiety related and pretty obvious. Taking a test for taekwondo class may be so stressful that he not only doesn't mind not being allowed to go to class, he could be grateful not to.

    The second is often a bit less obvious. We noticed the behavior when it was happening but couldn't believe it was what it was. A conversation with my son once he was better confirmed what we thought we were seeing -- he felt so unworthy that he had to sabotage his life whenever something good happened. Like proving he really wasn't worthy.

    Gotta ask, what medications is he taking. So many of them can make things worse.
     
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I have a few questions.

    1/WHat type of professional diagnosed him?
    2/Do you have any psychiatric issues or substance abuse on either side of the gentic family tree? Any possibly undiagnosed mood disorders? Suicide attempts?
    3/How was his early development--speech, eye contact, peer interaction, motor development, academic achievement, life skills, pottying?
    4/What kind of medications is he on? Obviously, they are not helping him. To me, it seems like a lot more is going on beyond ADHD/ODD. It could be behavior made worse and activated by stimulants or antidepressants (if he is taking them). You may want to do a signature like I did below.

    Others will come along with their .02 as well.
     
  5. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Just wanted to add my welcome (no advice tonight-it's late for me and my brain is ready for sleep), glad you found us. I'm sorry he is struggling so much right now. You are not alone and will find much support here.
     
  6. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Hi & welcome. How much do you think puberty may be rearing it's ugly head? That along with a possible growth spurt?

    Just a couple of thoughts off the top of my head.

    Again, welcome. Please visit often & keep us updated.
     
  7. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Welcome, NSangel.
    Sara, good insight. I hadn't thought of that.
    I feel for you, NS. been there done that, especially in regard to him destroying his rm.
    What else does he have besides ADHD and ODD?
     
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