Wes,
In some ways difficult child is doing well, others not so much. Socially he's great; that's never been a problem for him. Bright, funny, many nice friends. School is really up & down, depending on his interest level. If he's engaged, he gets A's; if he couldn't care less, or if he doesn't like the teacher, he gets terrible grades because he just doesn't do the work. Family is where the problems generally occur. He is still extremely defiant -- adolescence and ADHD/ODD do not make a happy combination!
He often is antagonistic, mean-spirited and generally doesn't do anything he doesn't want to do. On the bright side (if you can call it that), his bullying is less physical and more verbal. It used to be the other way around.
Getting the right medications helped. The techniques in The Explosive Child helped (sometimes, not always). Counseling helped a bit, but he quit going about a year ago because he didn't see the results and said it was "boring." Teaching him to do something physical when he was angry helped when he was younger -- going out & shooting baskets was a good one. Acknowledging appropriate behavior (e.g., catching himself before he said something horrid) helped.
I don't want to sugar coat it. This is a long, difficult, demanding journey that requires lots of trial-and-error. There are many days when I just want to run from the house screaming. (Yesterday was one of them, in fact!)
But there are also many small triumphs along the way, and tender moments to savor. I'm seeing lots of good advice on this board. It's important to remember that what works well for a easy child will not necessarily work for a difficult child, so don't be surprised if you have to try a lot of methods before you find the ones that suit your unique difficult child.
Wishing you the best!
Grace