Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by drichards, Oct 9, 2013.

  1. drichards

    drichards New Member

    My sixteen year old daughter asked me months ago about going to a concert in a major city about an hour away from where we live in a small town... she has only had her license for a few months.. anyway, my answer was no.. she proceed s to by a ticket for her and a friend snd insists that she is going.. we have been fighting for 2 days.. she will go... I have no doubt she will sneek out to do so.. so I feel my only option is to take the car out of the equation. .. unreasonable? The concert is tech9 .. not nice!
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi there. You may want to tell us a little more about your daughter. I certainly wouldn't let her have any access to my car if my daughter threatened to use it in ways I didn't approve of. I had taken the car from my daughter when she was a teenager. If she does take it, you can call the police. It's YOUR car. You can also call the parents of the kids she is going with and tell them she does not have your permission to go and that you will have to take legal action if anyone else takes her. But you can take her keys. Does she pay for her own insurance? Her gas? How did she get money for the concert tickets? Does she have a part-time job?

    Is your daughter normally a problem? Personally, I'd probably let my own younger daughter go to a concert because she is very well behaved and I could trust her. Now my older daughter was different as a teen and she took drugs and we had to treat her differently. She was in three car crashes and even when we took her driver's license and our car from her, her friends let her drive their cars. Are drugs a part of your daughter's problem?

    Welcome to the board, but sorry you have to be here.
  3. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    You have already told her she can't go, I don't see the question here. She can't sneak out if you know about it.

    There could have been some room here for compromise at the beginning such as you offering to drive her (and a friend) to the show but her disobedience in going ahead and buying the tickets and telling you she was going would be big deal breakers in my house.

    Stay strong and follow through on this. If you fold it can set up a pattern.

  4. I would insist that I took them there and got them again. I would under no circumstances allow them to ride on their own. Not only could their drinks be spiked with them ending up a car crash. You would also have zero chance of knowing who else would ride with them. It is not that teenagers in general are poor drivers but with friends in the car they are easier distracted talking, texting, music etc.

    As for locking her up and prevent her from going - We have no contact with our daughter and it has been so since she moved out. She cut us off due to an intervention we did on her years back. I guess the best method is to be there and observe. I don’t like the music today either, but our parents didn’t like the music we listened to, so it will always be like that.
  5. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Just to confuse the issue, lol, IF she has consistently been a good kid I'd rethink the situation. The face that she asked permission months in advance makes me assume she does not have a history of defiance. Only you, of course, know how the first sixteen years have gone.

    Although I don't know your family I have raised eight teens and "revisiting" choices with them strengthened our reltionship. So....I'd consider taking her somewhere like Dairy Queen (change of venue from the familiar helps) and then tell her that you've been thinking about the concert and understand it is important to her. Tell her it is 100% normal for Moms to worry about awful things that "could" or "sometimes do" happen to lovely young innocent girls.
    Ask her to consider a compromise that you both can accept.

    Maybe she and her friend could "live with" being driven to the location so long as you don't insist on dropping them at the gate. Maybe she would agree to text or call you for pick up when the concert is over. (This worked for me with both the teen girls and the teen boys so long as nobody saw me, lol.) You can make a good case for her not taking the car alone. Most importantly you want to convey that you understand her position and you are not trying to have a power war. This first "battle" choice may determine how the next few years go. I wish you luck. DDD
  6. drichards

    drichards New Member

    I guess I could have included more information hehe , when she told me about the concert she pretty much told me she was going and I said we would discuss it later she got her license and decided that she was going to go and purchase the tickets without permission, we've had a lot of trouble with her in the last 2 years sneaking out, not coming home, and lying, to top it off a few days ago her report card showed up with for F's. They're just doesn't seem to be any compromise that I can see and in her eyes there is nothing I can do about it. I have decided to stand my ground and asure that she will not be attending. Thank you all so much your words are very comforting!
  7. drichards

    drichards New Member

    She has had some issues with marijuana and alcohol, also lying and is now failing in school
  8. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    I don't blame you for not letting her go. Four F's? Lying, alcohol, and marijuana? She hasn't earned the privilege of going to a concert, in my opinion. I wouldn't be letting my teenage daughter go either. You are doing the right thing. Stay strong!
  9. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Frankly, with the alcohol and marijuana use - I wouldn't be letting her use the car for ANYTHING!

    Don't know where you live, but in my state, parents can actually have their minor child's driver's license revoked. Driving is a priviledge and not a right.
  10. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Wow...the "new" info changes my advice. I can't tell you how genuinely sorry I am that you have substance abuse issues etc. to deal with at this age. I thought from your post that she was a easy child who wanted to test out her wings.
    Not. Once the difficult children have crossed the line of appropriate behavior then you usually have to stand your ground and be prepared for years of conflict. Rats! I wish you well and am so sorry that it doesn't fall into a "teen thing" where you can salvage a changing but working compromise situation. Many hugs. DDD