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<blockquote data-quote="jbrain" data-source="post: 59162" data-attributes="member: 3450"><p>Hi,</p><p>I live in NY state too. When I kicked my 18 yr old dtr out she and the boyfriend went directly to Dept. of Social Services and told them I had kicked her out. As it was explained to me, if they provided services to her they would then take us to court to get child support since she was under 21 and we are financially responsible. However, they did tell me that if I had rules such as curfews, her having to get a job, etc., and she chose not to follow those rules then we did not have to allow her to live at home. Also, they would have their own set of rules she would have to follow in order to get help from them. </p><p></p><p>I think if you kicked him out and he called the cops you would then be on the road to getting help--no court is going to say he can just mooch off you til he is 21. You only have to provide the very minimum--a bed, basic food, necessities. You can have strict rules. In other words, you can try to make him want to move out by making life very uncomfortable for him--I think that is what the DSS social worker was trying to get across to me when my dtr went to them.</p><p></p><p>Turns out that DSS worked with her and us to come up with a plan--we would provide some support to her and she would not live at home. Of course, in our case she really did not want to live at home, but she wanted us to provide her with everything.</p><p></p><p>We have a happy ending in that she now is independent (age 19) and does not expect help from us and we don't provide it. She is much happier being able to take care of herself and she "gets it" that this is what she needs to do in order to live as an adult.</p><p></p><p>Good luck--remember, you can have lots of rules--he doesn't get to just live there and do nothing--even the state of NY doesn't go that far!</p><p></p><p>Jane</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="jbrain, post: 59162, member: 3450"] Hi, I live in NY state too. When I kicked my 18 yr old dtr out she and the boyfriend went directly to Dept. of Social Services and told them I had kicked her out. As it was explained to me, if they provided services to her they would then take us to court to get child support since she was under 21 and we are financially responsible. However, they did tell me that if I had rules such as curfews, her having to get a job, etc., and she chose not to follow those rules then we did not have to allow her to live at home. Also, they would have their own set of rules she would have to follow in order to get help from them. I think if you kicked him out and he called the cops you would then be on the road to getting help--no court is going to say he can just mooch off you til he is 21. You only have to provide the very minimum--a bed, basic food, necessities. You can have strict rules. In other words, you can try to make him want to move out by making life very uncomfortable for him--I think that is what the DSS social worker was trying to get across to me when my dtr went to them. Turns out that DSS worked with her and us to come up with a plan--we would provide some support to her and she would not live at home. Of course, in our case she really did not want to live at home, but she wanted us to provide her with everything. We have a happy ending in that she now is independent (age 19) and does not expect help from us and we don't provide it. She is much happier being able to take care of herself and she "gets it" that this is what she needs to do in order to live as an adult. Good luck--remember, you can have lots of rules--he doesn't get to just live there and do nothing--even the state of NY doesn't go that far! Jane [/QUOTE]
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