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Parent Emeritus
He's been in touch and I don't know what to do
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 636059" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>There will be strength for you in defining your boundaries and setting your course with your child. I hear a hesitance, a reluctance to mention anything that might offend or send your child off in the wrong direction.</p><p></p><p>If we trust them to be strong enough to hear the truth -- that we love them, that they are choosing a wrong path that we do not condone and will not support -- then we have given our kids something more valuable than kindness. </p><p></p><p>We've told them they are strong enough to turn this around any time they want to.</p><p></p><p>And that is the truth.</p><p></p><p>It helped us to list the things we would need to see before we would help in any way. Helping is giving a kind of permission. Helping is a kind of acknowledging that the child or young adult is a victim.</p><p></p><p>That is not what we want to teach the kids.</p><p></p><p>Addiction is a fatal disease. The kids are going to come face to face with that one day.</p><p></p><p>Better sooner than later.</p><p></p><p>What concrete things would you need to see from your child for you to believe he is ready to beat this thing?</p><p></p><p>That is a good place to begin.</p><p></p><p>We can work with you on how to figure out what you want your child to know, and on the best way to say it.</p><p></p><p>And on how to survive the feelings that kind of honesty with your child will call in you.</p><p></p><p>We have been where you are.</p><p> </p><p>I'm so sorry this is happening. </p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 636059, member: 17461"] There will be strength for you in defining your boundaries and setting your course with your child. I hear a hesitance, a reluctance to mention anything that might offend or send your child off in the wrong direction. If we trust them to be strong enough to hear the truth -- that we love them, that they are choosing a wrong path that we do not condone and will not support -- then we have given our kids something more valuable than kindness. We've told them they are strong enough to turn this around any time they want to. And that is the truth. It helped us to list the things we would need to see before we would help in any way. Helping is giving a kind of permission. Helping is a kind of acknowledging that the child or young adult is a victim. That is not what we want to teach the kids. Addiction is a fatal disease. The kids are going to come face to face with that one day. Better sooner than later. What concrete things would you need to see from your child for you to believe he is ready to beat this thing? That is a good place to begin. We can work with you on how to figure out what you want your child to know, and on the best way to say it. And on how to survive the feelings that kind of honesty with your child will call in you. We have been where you are. I'm so sorry this is happening. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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He's been in touch and I don't know what to do
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