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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 74629" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Hi Indi, </p><p></p><p>It's incredible to me now that my son is 17, all the things that HE tells me he remembered when I thought I had sheltered him...apparently he's not psychic or we'd have our own tv show, but don't ever believe your kids are clueless about situations. </p><p></p><p>And as far as divorce? In a child's life that can be one of the most traumatic events ever. Even if Dad is good about visitation and support. It leaves a hole. </p><p></p><p>The thing you posted that caught my attention MOST was when you said that irregardless he does not listen to YOU. I used to belive with my son that he didn't listen to me beacause I was the only one that he knew really loved him so he felt he could be "himself" around me and I'd still be there unlike dad who "left". So it fell on me to "take it". This is crap. Get yourself into some parenting classes and individual counseling. If the other kids aren't there too, it's a good idea for everyone to work on problems together. </p><p></p><p>I can suggest that in good faith because I do it. It's the ONLY thing in 10 years that I got out of everything else I did. Counseling taught me: </p><p></p><p>How to detach and levy consequences and stick to it without feeling guilt. </p><p>How to assert myself without swinging from passive to militant parent and get results. </p><p>How to recognize the fact that genetically yes, his bio father's side of the family is the epitome of dysfunctional and had been for generations. </p><p>How to deal with the fact that my son is a budding sociopath, and let him go. ALL without guilt because I did everything I could to help him. </p><p>And last but not least. </p><p>How to recognize that I am worthy of respect. Knowing what I know now in how to talk and communicate effectively even though my son was fingers in ears going lalalalalal this is me not listening to Mom... I know I got my point across. </p><p></p><p>You've landed at a great place with a lot of wisdom. I have Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) myself and thought my whole life I had Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). Turns out I'm just highly sensitive to some things and now that I know that is what it is? I can cope a lot better, and...(sounding like a broken record) the family therapy helped. </p><p></p><p>My son is now 17 and on his own. I am way beyond natural consequences, I learned how to live my life and enjoy it. If difficult child wanted to be part of that equation? Fine!! If not? I'm taking the rest of my family and moving on. He can either catch up or do it all his way. Either way? I spent my time in counseling preparing myself all 11 years of it. </p><p></p><p>Hope this helps...don't take offense</p><p></p><p>Hugs</p><p>The Loan Ranger aka</p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 74629, member: 4964"] Hi Indi, It's incredible to me now that my son is 17, all the things that HE tells me he remembered when I thought I had sheltered him...apparently he's not psychic or we'd have our own tv show, but don't ever believe your kids are clueless about situations. And as far as divorce? In a child's life that can be one of the most traumatic events ever. Even if Dad is good about visitation and support. It leaves a hole. The thing you posted that caught my attention MOST was when you said that irregardless he does not listen to YOU. I used to belive with my son that he didn't listen to me beacause I was the only one that he knew really loved him so he felt he could be "himself" around me and I'd still be there unlike dad who "left". So it fell on me to "take it". This is crap. Get yourself into some parenting classes and individual counseling. If the other kids aren't there too, it's a good idea for everyone to work on problems together. I can suggest that in good faith because I do it. It's the ONLY thing in 10 years that I got out of everything else I did. Counseling taught me: How to detach and levy consequences and stick to it without feeling guilt. How to assert myself without swinging from passive to militant parent and get results. How to recognize the fact that genetically yes, his bio father's side of the family is the epitome of dysfunctional and had been for generations. How to deal with the fact that my son is a budding sociopath, and let him go. ALL without guilt because I did everything I could to help him. And last but not least. How to recognize that I am worthy of respect. Knowing what I know now in how to talk and communicate effectively even though my son was fingers in ears going lalalalalal this is me not listening to Mom... I know I got my point across. You've landed at a great place with a lot of wisdom. I have Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) myself and thought my whole life I had Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). Turns out I'm just highly sensitive to some things and now that I know that is what it is? I can cope a lot better, and...(sounding like a broken record) the family therapy helped. My son is now 17 and on his own. I am way beyond natural consequences, I learned how to live my life and enjoy it. If difficult child wanted to be part of that equation? Fine!! If not? I'm taking the rest of my family and moving on. He can either catch up or do it all his way. Either way? I spent my time in counseling preparing myself all 11 years of it. Hope this helps...don't take offense Hugs The Loan Ranger aka Star [/QUOTE]
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