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Hi, I'm exhausted!
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 229198" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Welcome. I havne't time to post much in detail, it's midnight here and I desperately need my sleep.</p><p></p><p>Read the book ASAP. IN the meantime, check out some discussion on the book in Early Childhood (stickies at the top), it will give you a few clues.</p><p></p><p>Don't let yourself feel guilty. None of us are perfect, on this site we help each other with collective info but we still fall into traps. Hey, it happens. It's impossible to raise a perfect child, so when faced with a difficult child we have to accept we'll make mistakes. Take note and move on.</p><p></p><p>Also be aware, right now on top of whatever else your son is dealing with, is testosterone. It starts early and takes them by surpriase, so it's not surprising it's causing you trouble also.</p><p></p><p>Has ODD being officially diagnosed? Or is it something you feel fits his description? Be aware, ODD doesn't generally travel alone. Or to be more accurate, there are often situaitons which can look like ODD but which are caused by an underlying problem coupled with a parenting style which normally would work, but which with some kids seems to make them worse. For example, the usual conservative, strict parenting style held up to us as the ideal way of parenting (and which 'never did us any harm') can really aggravate ODD-like aspects in difficult children. RThis doesn't mean that the problem is caused by bad parenting - this isn't about blame. But changing parenting styles to something that is a better 'fit' can make a positive difference.</p><p></p><p>A fine distinction, perhaps, but with your admitted tendency to blame yourself, I wanted to make it clear - no blame is appropriate here.</p><p></p><p>If he's unhappy, if he feels he 'can't win', then he's likely to have outbursts. There are many prongs of attack here. The first steps include what you are doing now. Also looking to study him, what triggers him, what calms him, what underlying problems there may be.</p><p></p><p>Others will be along (including me, when I've had some sleep!). You've come to a good place and taken a positive step.</p><p></p><p>Welcome!</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 229198, member: 1991"] Welcome. I havne't time to post much in detail, it's midnight here and I desperately need my sleep. Read the book ASAP. IN the meantime, check out some discussion on the book in Early Childhood (stickies at the top), it will give you a few clues. Don't let yourself feel guilty. None of us are perfect, on this site we help each other with collective info but we still fall into traps. Hey, it happens. It's impossible to raise a perfect child, so when faced with a difficult child we have to accept we'll make mistakes. Take note and move on. Also be aware, right now on top of whatever else your son is dealing with, is testosterone. It starts early and takes them by surpriase, so it's not surprising it's causing you trouble also. Has ODD being officially diagnosed? Or is it something you feel fits his description? Be aware, ODD doesn't generally travel alone. Or to be more accurate, there are often situaitons which can look like ODD but which are caused by an underlying problem coupled with a parenting style which normally would work, but which with some kids seems to make them worse. For example, the usual conservative, strict parenting style held up to us as the ideal way of parenting (and which 'never did us any harm') can really aggravate ODD-like aspects in difficult children. RThis doesn't mean that the problem is caused by bad parenting - this isn't about blame. But changing parenting styles to something that is a better 'fit' can make a positive difference. A fine distinction, perhaps, but with your admitted tendency to blame yourself, I wanted to make it clear - no blame is appropriate here. If he's unhappy, if he feels he 'can't win', then he's likely to have outbursts. There are many prongs of attack here. The first steps include what you are doing now. Also looking to study him, what triggers him, what calms him, what underlying problems there may be. Others will be along (including me, when I've had some sleep!). You've come to a good place and taken a positive step. Welcome! Marg [/QUOTE]
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