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<blockquote data-quote="diasbox" data-source="post: 229339" data-attributes="member: 6573"><p>Oh my gosh! I'm overwhelmed by all of the feedback and support! WOW. I'm in tears, I feel so relieved to hear from parents who understand.</p><p></p><p>In answer to some of your questions:</p><p></p><p>W has been in and out of family therapy for years for tantrums, which tend to come in cycles (a couple of months about once a year). It's never made much difference and in fact I'm discovering that one therapist that I felt was really smart had me doing something that I think made things a lot worse: restraining W when he became destructive. I did that on occasion from age 6 until recently (he's 13), when W ended up pulling a knife on me. So I feel terrible about that and even more confused as to what to do. Do you just let your kid burn the house down?</p><p></p><p>Our current family therapist is a young, very warm and smart guy, but he doesn't do behavioral coaching -- he's more of a feelings guy (my daughter gets a lot out of sessions with him, esp. now that she's on Prozac). I've talked with him a couple of times about ODD and ADHD, and the family propensity for depression, and while he seems to think ODD and low-level ADHD is "likely", he insists that W's problem is based in my parenting style and/or some sort of trauma. I've asked him now three times to arrange for a full work-up, and each time he says, no no no, it's about feelings. I'm giving him one more chance. I'm kind of at his mercy because it's Kaiser and he's the referring doctor.</p><p></p><p>As far as W's dad goes, sighhhhhhh. He's strictly a weekend dad, and refuses to make any waves with W, ever. There are no rules, no responsibilities, no boundaries, and anything goes. He blames W's problems on me, and he thinks therapy is a waste of time (he has said these things to W, and since then W also blames his behavior on me). He may have depression issues but I'm not sure.</p><p></p><p>I can't tell you all how much your support and experience means to me! I am on my way to the library right now to pick up "The Explosive Child".</p><p></p><p>Thanks so much!!!<img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/redface.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":redface:" title="redface :redface:" data-shortname=":redface:" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="diasbox, post: 229339, member: 6573"] Oh my gosh! I'm overwhelmed by all of the feedback and support! WOW. I'm in tears, I feel so relieved to hear from parents who understand. In answer to some of your questions: W has been in and out of family therapy for years for tantrums, which tend to come in cycles (a couple of months about once a year). It's never made much difference and in fact I'm discovering that one therapist that I felt was really smart had me doing something that I think made things a lot worse: restraining W when he became destructive. I did that on occasion from age 6 until recently (he's 13), when W ended up pulling a knife on me. So I feel terrible about that and even more confused as to what to do. Do you just let your kid burn the house down? Our current family therapist is a young, very warm and smart guy, but he doesn't do behavioral coaching -- he's more of a feelings guy (my daughter gets a lot out of sessions with him, esp. now that she's on Prozac). I've talked with him a couple of times about ODD and ADHD, and the family propensity for depression, and while he seems to think ODD and low-level ADHD is "likely", he insists that W's problem is based in my parenting style and/or some sort of trauma. I've asked him now three times to arrange for a full work-up, and each time he says, no no no, it's about feelings. I'm giving him one more chance. I'm kind of at his mercy because it's Kaiser and he's the referring doctor. As far as W's dad goes, sighhhhhhh. He's strictly a weekend dad, and refuses to make any waves with W, ever. There are no rules, no responsibilities, no boundaries, and anything goes. He blames W's problems on me, and he thinks therapy is a waste of time (he has said these things to W, and since then W also blames his behavior on me). He may have depression issues but I'm not sure. I can't tell you all how much your support and experience means to me! I am on my way to the library right now to pick up "The Explosive Child". Thanks so much!!!:blushing: [/QUOTE]
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