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HI! Newbie here. I have a 9 yr old boy diagnosed with ADHD
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 389562" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>If it's Asperger's there is a lot you can do. But you need to reinforce right and wrong, but he has to SEE the rules for himself. It's no good to say, "Don't break the rules" if he then sees those same rules broken all the time by others. The rules re what these kids work out that they are, and if he sees consistency in application of those rules, he will learn to obey rules scrupulously. So once he learns "Do not plan to kill anybody, it is wrong and this is why," he is unlikely to ever get caught up in that again. But if his peers ARE making such plans and he sees it as the thing to do in order to stay 'in' with his peers, he will do it. So yo might need to control his exposure to kids who don't always do the right thing.</p><p></p><p>difficult child 1 had a good friend who we now realise has Asperger's. They used to spend a lot of time together playing computer games. But this boy had other 'friends' who anted to take advantage of the boy having wealthy parents (I suspect). The boy was given a choice - be our friend and be seen as one of the 'cool' kids, or be friends with difficult child 1. You can't be both. Now, difficult child 1 was a noted nerd. Friend had to choose, and then follow through on his choice. He was made to telephone difficult child 1 to set him up for a bullying session. I happened to be the one who answered the phone so i know how it went down. End result - difficult child 1 was invited round to play with all his games and game system, to be met with hoses and water pistols (not good for games and gaming system). difficult child 1 lost it big time, did some damage but boy's parents forgave him considering what their son had done. They didn't get it at the time, but we worked it out between us years later when the new friends had dragged their son deeper and deeper into delinquency and also into supporting their gang activities. Aspie friend is the one who is asked to hide the stash, conceal the weapon or carry the supplies and so he now has a record because he's been caught with stuff he shouldn't have. But the rule is, you don't tell. But we know, because other kids have told us; they saw it.</p><p></p><p>Two kids, total contrast. difficult child 1 by this boy's act was actually cut off from the bad kids in town. Only direction - straight and narrow. He's an upstanding citizen. But he was also friends with these bad kids too at one stage. it so easily could have gone the other way with us. But I kept reinforcing what was right, what was wrong and why. We talked a lot. Often. Constantly. I listened, too. It helped. I would ask, "How do you think X felt when this happened?"</p><p>Another good question is, "If that had happened to you, how would you have felt?"</p><p></p><p>You have to work it constantly, to get it home.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 389562, member: 1991"] If it's Asperger's there is a lot you can do. But you need to reinforce right and wrong, but he has to SEE the rules for himself. It's no good to say, "Don't break the rules" if he then sees those same rules broken all the time by others. The rules re what these kids work out that they are, and if he sees consistency in application of those rules, he will learn to obey rules scrupulously. So once he learns "Do not plan to kill anybody, it is wrong and this is why," he is unlikely to ever get caught up in that again. But if his peers ARE making such plans and he sees it as the thing to do in order to stay 'in' with his peers, he will do it. So yo might need to control his exposure to kids who don't always do the right thing. difficult child 1 had a good friend who we now realise has Asperger's. They used to spend a lot of time together playing computer games. But this boy had other 'friends' who anted to take advantage of the boy having wealthy parents (I suspect). The boy was given a choice - be our friend and be seen as one of the 'cool' kids, or be friends with difficult child 1. You can't be both. Now, difficult child 1 was a noted nerd. Friend had to choose, and then follow through on his choice. He was made to telephone difficult child 1 to set him up for a bullying session. I happened to be the one who answered the phone so i know how it went down. End result - difficult child 1 was invited round to play with all his games and game system, to be met with hoses and water pistols (not good for games and gaming system). difficult child 1 lost it big time, did some damage but boy's parents forgave him considering what their son had done. They didn't get it at the time, but we worked it out between us years later when the new friends had dragged their son deeper and deeper into delinquency and also into supporting their gang activities. Aspie friend is the one who is asked to hide the stash, conceal the weapon or carry the supplies and so he now has a record because he's been caught with stuff he shouldn't have. But the rule is, you don't tell. But we know, because other kids have told us; they saw it. Two kids, total contrast. difficult child 1 by this boy's act was actually cut off from the bad kids in town. Only direction - straight and narrow. He's an upstanding citizen. But he was also friends with these bad kids too at one stage. it so easily could have gone the other way with us. But I kept reinforcing what was right, what was wrong and why. We talked a lot. Often. Constantly. I listened, too. It helped. I would ask, "How do you think X felt when this happened?" Another good question is, "If that had happened to you, how would you have felt?" You have to work it constantly, to get it home. Marg [/QUOTE]
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HI! Newbie here. I have a 9 yr old boy diagnosed with ADHD
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