Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Gingernut, Aug 9, 2014.

  1. Gingernut

    Gingernut New Member

    Hi! I am new here...have just read around the forums on a few threads and already know this is a place I need to be. I am a mother of four...have had all four of my kids on the spectrum to some degree, but my youngest, who just turned 12, is affected the worst. I had him when I was almost 40 and I feel WWWAAAYYYY too old for this. I am also ill with a rare nerve disease that causes a lot of pain and fatigue and I feel like I already have too much to deal with, much less to have a child with all the problems my son has. So far he has been diagnosed with ODD, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), ADHD, Tourette's, and an anxiety disorder. His autism spectrum screening is coming up. He also has the same nerve disease I have and is in a lot of physical pain which adds to his behavior issues and general anxiety. He has had bad reactions to medications we have tried thus far, and his doctor said he cannot be on any of the SSRI's or similar medications. For right now, we are just trying to do behavior modification and CBT. My husband of many years never could handle our life with the disease, the behaviors, and he and I are getting a divorce so I am doing this solo. My soon to be ex does NOT and probably never will co-parent with me. On his weekends with our son there are no limits set, he fills him full of junk food and sugar, lets him stay up all hours and do whatever he wants, just to return him to me in a horrible state. I have no proof of this, and my husband just lies and says he follows the care plans I have shared with him....even if he doesn't. My son then covers for him and says that yes, his dad followed the plan....but his brother who also goes with him to visitation says that there is no plan and that his dad lets the youngest do whatever he wants. My ex is using the...what do you guys call him...the difficult child? Anyway, he is using the difficult child's selfish tendencies that are there to "get one over" on Mom and also my ex enjoys returning him to me in such a sugar filled mess! Then Mom's house is the one with limits, chores, expected behaviors, etc. It is what it is...I know that it is just something I have to deal with....but I am beyond tired. I feel like going to sleep and never waking up!
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi and I'm so sorry you are this overwhelmed and sad. Please...maybe your son can not take SSRIs (many children AND adults react badly to certain medication), but why can't he take other medications that may help him? Is he seeing a psychiatrist?
  3. runawaybunny

    runawaybunny Administrator Staff Member

    You have a lot of challenges in your life right now, especially with your ex not following the care plan. That's an unnecessary complication that has to add to your stress level.

    Please make sure that you take good care of you. Physically and mentally. You probably ought to get some therapy so you have somewhere to vent before you implode from all the stress you're under.

    There's no way that anyone wouldn't be frustrated and completely stressed out in your current situation. I'm glad that you found your way here. Hopefully we can be of some help and support to you.
  4. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome, I'm so sorry things are so rough right now. I definitely agree with runawaybunny about taking care of you. Being single I'm sure that is easier said than done. For me, during the darkest of days with my difficult child, exercise helped a ton or getting lost in a good book.

    Like MWM said, I am also wondering if he is regularly seeing a psychiatrist or a therapist.

    Glad you found us, sorry you needed to.
  5. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    It's sad to hear that your son's father would sabotage his own son in that way. He's hurting his flesh and blood and whole heck of lot more than he is hurting you. I never cease to be amazed at what lengths some adults will go.....

    I agree with MWM and Wiped Out, perhaps a regimented schedule with a psychiatrist could bring some relief in finding a medication that will work with the other things you are doing at home. While there is no "wonder pill", often the right medication and the right behavior/diet, etc., can make a difference.

    You are going through a very stressful time in your life, but so are your children. Their stress can be manifested in some not-so-desirable behaviors because of their inability to express their sadness and/or anger.

    Keep strong, keep those rules and consequences in place because they will pay off. Consistency is a gift for our difficult and challenging children.

  6. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Welcome, Gingernut.
    So sorry to hear about your family, especially your 12-yr-old and your ex-husband.
    Sounds like some genetics going on there ... Nerve issues from you, and personality issues from husband. So sorry!
    As LIttleDudesMom said, "sabotage" is what's going on.
    I wonder if a neuropsychologist or psychiatrist could prescribe medications that your other doctor doesn't know about? I'd keep looking.
    Also, I'd continue to keep a gluten-free, dairy-free, dye-free kitchen despite what your ex is doing, because at least your son is getting a healthy diet a few days out of the week. It's better than nothing.
    Let us know when the autism testing happens.