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<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 421151" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>Actually, I'm beginning to see a few issues as the kids begin to relax more.</p><p></p><p>One that really bugs me.........is that M has attempted to "train" Alex to be just like him. I know this is true not only from many of Alex's actions/attitudes but M fully admitted it. Unfortunately we're not talking good character traits here or good behaviors. Seems M has Alex convinced that showing gangsta "signs" is not only cool but funny. Problem is, the boy does it at school.....or around other kids.......especially certain kids who have wandered into town from cincy or dayton........(and we do have some) can get him brutally beaten up. And even if those kids don't see it, could get him beaten up by our rural tough farm kids who neither think such things cute nor intimidating nor cool. Alex, of course, who's social skills are no where near his age group is innocently copying his dad. ugh This is only one of many things. But hopefully he gets a chance to learn more appropriate behavior in the future. He does have the ability and the desire depending on who he is dealing with. Katie couldn't get him convinced to do the taste everything big bite deal no matter what she tried. I slipped the ol' guilt trip.......look how you've got the little kids acting routine.......and because it was me......he suddenly ate his food. Didn't just taste it, ate it. </p><p></p><p>Evan, I have to say is surprising me lately. He's become quite affectionate, especially with me. Both boys are eager to please, especially with me. lol (but that's always the way with grandparents) Evan seems to be actively looking for guidance/acceptance....and it's gearing him to more appropriate behavior. Can't say if Katie is seeing it at home......but we certainly have been. With M not around 99 percent of past behavior issues with Evan have vanished. </p><p></p><p>Kayla........is simply enjoying being a kid. Without M in the picture......there is no more Kayla watch your brothers.......no more brothers treating her like crud under their shoe. Ok there are some issues with Alex going into her room when he's not supposed to.......but I told Katie in front of Alex that Cinderfella duty (especially cleaning the toilets) was enough to cure Travis of that one.</p><p></p><p>Katie is constantly seeking both advice and reinforcement with the kids. I have no trouble giving her reinforcement. But I'm leery of giving too much advice. One because I'm not comfortable doing so with my adult kids......I've done a rather good job training myself to keep my mouth shut. Two because while if those kids were living with me I'd just expect them to follow rules and respect family members......and would just do whatever needed to be done to see that they did, as I did while they stayed here..........That's a far cry from trying to tell a parent how to turn from non active parenting (oh c'mon there was no parenting going on at all) to actively parenting her kids. Just since she moved into the apartment I've lost count of how many times I told her to sit down and right the rules/consequences and follow through no matter what.....even when at first it doesn't seem to be working and you have kids sitting in time out every 5 mins or whatever. You know the same things we tell each other here. </p><p></p><p>But reality? How on earth do you get 3 kids, and really the 2 older ones, to listen when their whole life you never bothered 99 percent of the time unless you totally lost it? Me? I have no clue on that one. When I'm around a child I simply expect that child to behave properly. I don't care if it's mine, a grandchild, a friend's child, a neighbor's child....or a complete stranger's child. I don't think about it........I just do when something needs to be done. I've done it so long it's automatic. </p><p></p><p>Sounds weird but I think some of it is sheer attitude. easy child and Nichole have it. Katie......nope. We're still trying to break her of you don't have to respond every time they speak, because it drives us insane. lol They don't even have to be talking to her and she'll respond. <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/sigh.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":sigh:" title="sigh :sigh:" data-shortname=":sigh:" /></p><p></p><p>Maybe she'll learn by osmosis. Or maybe she'll be getting the Ross Greene books for xmas. lol</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 421151, member: 84"] Actually, I'm beginning to see a few issues as the kids begin to relax more. One that really bugs me.........is that M has attempted to "train" Alex to be just like him. I know this is true not only from many of Alex's actions/attitudes but M fully admitted it. Unfortunately we're not talking good character traits here or good behaviors. Seems M has Alex convinced that showing gangsta "signs" is not only cool but funny. Problem is, the boy does it at school.....or around other kids.......especially certain kids who have wandered into town from cincy or dayton........(and we do have some) can get him brutally beaten up. And even if those kids don't see it, could get him beaten up by our rural tough farm kids who neither think such things cute nor intimidating nor cool. Alex, of course, who's social skills are no where near his age group is innocently copying his dad. ugh This is only one of many things. But hopefully he gets a chance to learn more appropriate behavior in the future. He does have the ability and the desire depending on who he is dealing with. Katie couldn't get him convinced to do the taste everything big bite deal no matter what she tried. I slipped the ol' guilt trip.......look how you've got the little kids acting routine.......and because it was me......he suddenly ate his food. Didn't just taste it, ate it. Evan, I have to say is surprising me lately. He's become quite affectionate, especially with me. Both boys are eager to please, especially with me. lol (but that's always the way with grandparents) Evan seems to be actively looking for guidance/acceptance....and it's gearing him to more appropriate behavior. Can't say if Katie is seeing it at home......but we certainly have been. With M not around 99 percent of past behavior issues with Evan have vanished. Kayla........is simply enjoying being a kid. Without M in the picture......there is no more Kayla watch your brothers.......no more brothers treating her like crud under their shoe. Ok there are some issues with Alex going into her room when he's not supposed to.......but I told Katie in front of Alex that Cinderfella duty (especially cleaning the toilets) was enough to cure Travis of that one. Katie is constantly seeking both advice and reinforcement with the kids. I have no trouble giving her reinforcement. But I'm leery of giving too much advice. One because I'm not comfortable doing so with my adult kids......I've done a rather good job training myself to keep my mouth shut. Two because while if those kids were living with me I'd just expect them to follow rules and respect family members......and would just do whatever needed to be done to see that they did, as I did while they stayed here..........That's a far cry from trying to tell a parent how to turn from non active parenting (oh c'mon there was no parenting going on at all) to actively parenting her kids. Just since she moved into the apartment I've lost count of how many times I told her to sit down and right the rules/consequences and follow through no matter what.....even when at first it doesn't seem to be working and you have kids sitting in time out every 5 mins or whatever. You know the same things we tell each other here. But reality? How on earth do you get 3 kids, and really the 2 older ones, to listen when their whole life you never bothered 99 percent of the time unless you totally lost it? Me? I have no clue on that one. When I'm around a child I simply expect that child to behave properly. I don't care if it's mine, a grandchild, a friend's child, a neighbor's child....or a complete stranger's child. I don't think about it........I just do when something needs to be done. I've done it so long it's automatic. Sounds weird but I think some of it is sheer attitude. easy child and Nichole have it. Katie......nope. We're still trying to break her of you don't have to respond every time they speak, because it drives us insane. lol They don't even have to be talking to her and she'll respond. :sigh: Maybe she'll learn by osmosis. Or maybe she'll be getting the Ross Greene books for xmas. lol [/QUOTE]
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