homeschooling for difficult child

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Jena, Dec 1, 2010.

  1. Jena

    Jena New Member

    is going remarkably well. it's amazing. tutor's come in, one on one time with-difficult child she is learning quick already thriving being the only one attention is on. she's met with-almost all of them this week, completed all hw assignments. her little brain is eating it up.

    she did french today was funny. she's rating each tutor how she likes them etc. i'm telling you wow this is the way to go, if i can find the socialization piece for her along with-her eating this is the way to go for this kid. she has so much less stress and anxiety due to it.

    she's still not sleeping yet that's just difficult child and her bipolar. she does get excited when tutors come in. yet she is doing so much better with the one on one assignments.

    we're trying to catch her up so she doesnt' get left behind which isnt' easy since she's missed so much almost 4 mos of school.

    yet so far she's gotten 100% on each session they rate them.

  2. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Making good progress with schoolwork has to help reduce her stress in other areas. It all helps.

  3. meggy1

    meggy1 Guest

    Jena, so glad to hear the homeschooling is working out. It does help relieve some of the stress the kids feel from missing school. My daughter had homebound instruction for 4 weeks last year and was back in the regular class by the end of the school year. She is currently suffering from her Interstitial Cystitis which make going to school unbearable so we have just requested homebound instruction for the next 4-8 weeks to get us through the holidays. I know my rule for when kids stay home sick from school is they are not allowed out and need to be resting in their beds. However when Megan has her flares she is allowed to continue with as many of her "normal" activities as possible to she keeps the socialization part. She luckily has one friend that lives within walking distance that has stuck around and spends alot of time at our house.
    The end result is what matters!
  4. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Glad difficult child is responding well to the one-on-one tutoring!
  5. svengandhi

    svengandhi Well-Known Member

    That's wonderful. When my son broke his ankle at the end of 7th grade, the tutors were a blessing. My H would take him to the library, where I'd book a small study room and he would meet with the tutors. My son was essentially immobile and in a wheelchair because the fracture was so bad so a trip to the library was a big thing. A good rapport with the tutor is a great thing.
  6. Jena

    Jena New Member


    libraries a great idea, we just didnt' wanna do that because we were secluding her due to the nasty kids in the neighborhood. her rapport isn't great with-all of them. she's just desperate i think for knowledge a bit of normalcy now after almost 6 mos it's been of craziness, hospitals, medications not eating. so now tutors are in, foods going in her mouth, now we just gotta fix the rest of it and get her totally functional. :)
  7. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    If you both go to the library at the same time - you look for your books, she looks for hers - then she should feel safer.

    Her reaction to the prospect of going back to school was interesting. I'm thinking that returning to school any time at all is too stressful a prospect for her. I do know that if we tried to get difficult child 3 back into mainstream, it would be a disaster. And yet socially he's not doing too badly at all and is quite confident about getting around on his own. He does better when he interacts with people in general, than when he has to interact with large numbers of children or teens.

    Society that we have to interact with in life, is a spectrum. In our lives, once we are adults, we are never expected to sit with a group of kids (as a kid ourselves) with one person, an adult, out the front in charge. A lot of the skills our kids need at school, may never be used again. Instead, if our children who are home-schooled can learn more general social skills, they will find more lasting value.

  8. Jena

    Jena New Member

    you found her reaction interesting?? why? and how does he get that socialization piece than?? i dont' want her to go back. she's driving me nuts at home let me not lie to you :) yet i think academic wise her being home to do it is much better.

    i told her if she eats all week next week she'll get her riding lesson. yet that's one on one. there aren't any services out here that lead to socialization groups that i can get into they all have a huge huge wait list.

    i thought what about a home schooled group meet up thingy? i haven't searched yet. thing is there are no kids on our block even remotely close to her age. it would be so great for both her and i if she had one. she's wearing me down bigtime!!

    you wouldn't even believe what my mom said to me today. i was like huh... she said i do not know how you do it and have done it since she's born. she is such a handful in so many ways and it never seems to change regardless how hard you work at boundaries, medications or doctors. she said you have a new husband an almost 18 year old kid and other children now i dont' know if i would continue letting her live at home. she infects too many ppl and things. WOW. is all i can say.

    yea she's a nightmare i won't lie. from the peeing the bed at almost 12 now to the screaming at night for me till 3 a.m. most nights now, to all the other things she does. yet put her out of home? no way. yet this is coming from a woman with whom had me put in a group home at age 13 because i was acting out bigtime.

    suffice it to say she's staying home :) someday i dont' know when i'll have my peace, our life, dinner's out, all of us will.

    I want to add so i dont' offend that there are circumstances i strongly believe where out of home is KEY. just now for her, not now at least.
  9. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Mine was doing girl scouts for a while. She quit this year, I've been trying to find something more up her alley, but her interests are so narrow and not many her age have much clue what she's talking about. Come to that... a lot of adults get a bit lost on some of her topics of interest.
    Maybe there's some kind of volunteer work that could help her socialize more? Should be plenty this time of year that you can do together to ease her into it. Or maybe there's an arts/crafts club? Kid's book club? There's times I halfway consider trying to start a small special interest group for mine, but I could never handle everything involved with it.
  10. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    It was a gut reaction from me, Jena. It struck me as mature of her (in a way) to show some level of emotional self-awareness, even while expressing some fear too - I think she realises she's not emotionally ready to go back, yet knows she needs to work on her education. I do think stress has been a big factor in a lot of her problems, and (I could be wrong) I got the vibe that she seemed aware of the role school had been playing in her stress levels.

    As far as other social options - we found a lot of benefit just from going shopping for groceries. difficult child 3 would come too and help me by finding stuff on the list, or at the check-out. As he got more confident I would send him to a different shop to buy one particular item. At first I would be in the background supervising, ready to rescue if necessary. For example, if he wanted a cheese roll for lunch, I could hand him a few coins and say, "Go choose your own." I might be at the same shop counter buying a loaf of bread, being served by a different shop assistant. He's gained more and more confidence interacting with shopkeepers, even to the point now of shopping around for the best price for something he wants to save up for. We've found that as he has gained confidence interacting with people in general, he has brought that back to his interactions with others of his own age, and he handles it a lot better. He needed examples of behaviours to copy, and too often the other kids around him were not setting good examples - they were either being mean to him, or ignoring him. But shopkeepers pay attention to you if you're a customer and it has taught him to pay attention to other people when he interacts.

    I'm glad she's doing a lot better academically with home-bound. I'm not surprised though. She has a lot of drive and the capacity to really focus intently when she has to. This form of study is going to be teaching her to identify her weaker areas and actually dig in and solve the problems. Too often in mainstream, kids get away with avoiding the problems, trying to slide by. But you can't get away with that, with tutors. And learning to identify and resolve your weaker areas is a much-needed lifelong skill.

    Try to not let your mother's words upset you. I think she was trying to say (perhaps in a hamfisted way) "You are a strong, compassionate person, especially considering how long you have struggled with this." Yes, it is an ongoing struggle, but as you know (and your mother probably doesn't get, since she doesn't live with it) the kind of struggle does change. These kids do make progress. OK, we end up with new problems to deal with, but the progress is what keeps us going. Your mother is worried about you, primarily.

    Other kids her age being around would be good, but there are other options. You might well find some good contacts in a local home-schooling group. We've had that option here but not to a huge extent; difficult child 3 is not your daughter, it means less to him perhaps, to meet up with other home-scghooled kids. The library could be good in a lot of ways. The thing is, while she's home-bound, you and she are much more in control of social interactions. You have the option of leaving if an interaction is not working out to your liking. Being in control at such times has to be reassuring to someone with anxiety issues. It all works towards longer-term goals of increasing social contact on a broader scale.

    HaoZi's idea about volunteering might be good. There are all sorts of opportunities she could help with. You could even manufacture volunteer options which could give her more social contact - one favourite of mine is to take the kid with tape recorder and a set of interview questions into an old folks home, and record some interviews with people. Once the interview subject gets talking, there can be some wonderful stories which she can then transcribe. The family members often love the chance to have a permanent record of such valuable memories. When you show the interview subject the printed notes it often triggers more discussion and gaps get filled in. Seriously - there is an entire career (lucrative on) waiting there potentially. Plus there are a lot of other ways to get out, meet people and feel useful.

    Jena, it really does sound like she has turned a number of corners. That is to me, justification that you ARE doing the right things for her.

  11. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    I'll second that. And tell her that her board aunties are proud of her (and you!).