All kids lie at some stage. As individuals in society, we all generally lie, even as adults. I saw something in passing on Dr Phil yesterday, he was quoting stats that everyone lies on average at least 5 times a week. I wasn't paying close attention, I must admit. A lot of the problems in Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) come because they are really bad at lying, as a rule, so over time they learn to NOT lie. But only if they get caught regularly and called on it.
The thing with Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD), is that they will try to lie like all kids do, but make a hash of it, as a rule. I mean - you say your child lies all the time, but how do you know? [yeah, I know, the lips are moving...] Seriously - you know he's lying, because he's so obvious with his lies, it screams at you. And that's the thing. Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kids are generally not able to be creative with their lies. It's partly the lack of social skills, partly the delay in development of empathy and theory of mind (to be a good liar, you need to be able to see things from the other person's point of view to know what 'sells') and also partly the extreme difficulty they often have with inventing an imaginary narrative.
So a Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) child will try to lie by saying, "I haven't got any homework," but will probably not be able to say, "While walking to school today, a big dog ran out of the neighbour's yard and chased me down the road. I was not able to run fast enough and the dog grabbed my backpack, ripped the bottom of it and my homework fell out. The dog ripped it to pieces. That's why I haven't got my homework." A Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kid possibly might still tell something that creative, but would then falter when asked, "Where are the torn pieces of homework? Where is your backpack, I want to inspect it for rips." But generally, they will keep their lies simple. "I didn't hit him." Often their lies tell more truths than they realise. "It wasn't me who tripped Danny over and then took his bag." That immediately tells you that the child knows that Danny was tripped over, and had his bag taken, and if they know that much, they know a lot more.
If a child is able to lie cleverly, creatively and successfully, often you won't know it. You only know, when you catch them out. And the liars you catch are the unsuccessful ones. If a child with a diagnosis of Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) is able to lie successfully, then the Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) is either very mild or the child has successfully adapted and has learned to successfully mask the Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) to the point of being able to blend in. That does not mean "cured" because there will always be the need to work at it, to blend in. There is always the underlying stress despite the semblance of coping, like the swan gliding serenely on the lake hides the furious activity beneath the surface that makes such semblance of serenity possible.
A Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kid might also seem to not care about others - this is still compatible with Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) because these kids do find empathy more difficult. But it is still not sociopathy. A Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) child often doesn't know how to respond empathically, but may want to. Example - difficult child 3 was arriving at school one day (grade 4) and saw a classmate crying. The classmate was with his mother (a teacher at the same school). difficult child 3 did not understand the situation (classmate being chastised by his mother) and went over to comfort the boy. The classmate did NOT want anyone else to notice his tears, and certainly not the "class dummy" so he stiff-armed difficult child 3 as he approached and yelled at him to go away. difficult child 3, who had intended his attentions kindly, was offended. Then the other boy's friends stepped in and threatened difficult child 3 to make him go away. This all ended nastily, with difficult child 3 hitting another boy who shoved him away. difficult child 3 got detention out of it (imposed by the classmate's mother, the teacher). A mess. But it came about because of difficult child 3's social clumsiness.
Where I have had a lot of trouble working out the truth, has been because what difficult child 3 perceives in a situation can be confusing. It is not him lying, but more what he recalls of a situation which of course is influenced mainly by what he considers important enough to remember in an event. Often until I ask, "who else was present?" he hasn't mentioned anyone else. I had to learn to ask questions concretely, with absolutely no hint of what answer I want or expect. I could not get the staff to do this - teachers want answers, fast. So the class teacher would often say, "Why did you hit Danny?" or perhaps "Did you walk over to Danny and punch him in the face?"
A Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kid, faced with someone asking such a question angrily, will either immediately confess (even if he didn't do it) or (if he's had past experience of being in trouble for hitting someone) will automatically deny. What should be done - you say, "What happened here?" You ask each child to describe the sequence of events. You only prompt with, "And then what happened?"
A teacher saying to a Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kid, "Did Johnny hit Danny?" is likely to get a yes, if the child thinks that is the answer the teacher wants.
In summary - effective lying is a complex social skill. If your child has a diagnosis of Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) but is able to fool you with his lies, then chances are, the Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) is either very mild and the child is now doing really well, or the diagnosis is wrong.
Law-abiding - they aren't always. But only if they are supported in breaking the law, by others. For example, a Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kid we know (young adult, now) has a police record because he has been running with the wrong crowd. They use this guy to do their dirty work, then let him take the fall. He's been involved in drugs, especially in being the courier. He's got his record because a rival gang member was beaten up badly, then the weapon handed to the Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) guy to hide in his backpack when the police arrived to arrest the culprit. But when the police searched more widely than the gang had expected, they found the weapon in the Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) boy's backpack and charged him. They expected him to roll on the thug, but Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) loyalty and law-abiding tendencies were now skewed towards loyalty to mates and 'the code' of not dobbing on your mates (even though they were letting him take the rap for the weapon).
I've seen this happen as this boy has grown up. He used to be best friends with difficult child 1, which is how I know so much. That, and I am friends with his parents who have been frantic to help their son, but did not do the one thing he needed when he was younger - totally remove him from the circle of friends he was with. Here, it could have been done. But that is with 20:20 hindsight. They didn't know the friends were that bad. Mind you, there were clues. But like a lot of adults, they did not pay enough attention to the bad behaviour towards one another that these kids showed, but merely let it slide as kids learning to get along. But in this case, it was kids who knew how to get along, and were using bullying and control to do some really nasty things. "Boys will be boys" is not a good thing to allow around a Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kid, or even an ADHD kid. If it's the Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kid or ADHD kid doing it, that is different, they will make mistakes. But other kids who are socially more capable - it is generally NOT impulse control, but deliberate choice for nefarious reasons.
Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kids will gravitate to rules and laws. If they are not given access to the right rules, they will learn and follow the wrong ones. You need to surround them with truth and rightness and ensure it is also logically correct. It gives them a much better chance.
Does this help? Or have I only added to the confusion?
Marg
it's not easy i know, hang in there.
