Hoovering...what it is and how it is done

Discussion in 'Family of Origin' started by SomewhereOutThere, Jan 3, 2016.

  1. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hoovering is when a personality disordered human being tries to suck us back into fighting. This can be done, often after a lack of contact, by a phone call, a phony apology, postings on internet about you that she or he hopes you read (such as FB or some forum you are known to post on (cough) ), doing SOMETHING to engage you and then...zap...they have you in their web again. And the cycle repeats.

    I refuse to be hoovered anymore or drawn back in. Wondered if this rang a bell for anybody.

    There really don't need to be any answers here. This post was just FYI ;)

    have a great, serene day. I'm spending it with hubby, Jumper and FOOTBALL all day, all the time. I'm a huge football fan and am going to cry the last game of the season.
     
  2. TheWalrus

    TheWalrus I Am The Walrus

    My daughter is an expert. Was an expert. Then I educated myself and learned all about "hoovering" and the different methods of it. She is very smart, and now that her old "tactics" don't work, she is constantly inventing new ones. She is thrown off by my boundaries - something I never set before - and my new ways to communicate: refusing to engage, no longer defending, arguing or justifying my choices, walking away from her escalations, ending circular conversations...I have learned A LOT about what to expect and how to react/not react. It is hard because I feel like I have to be a different person around her. A robot almost, who isn't hurt by her words and doesn't react to her fits. It is exhausting, but it keeps that emotional distance and allows me to love her without complete resentment.
     
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Walrus, glad you learned how to defend yourself :) I don't see my hoovering sibling, but she tries to get to me by posting about me on a few sites (not this one...she tried to get me banned from here and reads my stuff). I learned not to read anything she writes and now I am dedicated to just staying on this forum and no other one. I also blocked FB, my phone, e-mail to spam, etc. If it were a child, it would be different. I would never cut off complete contact with a child...

    I'm glad somebody else knows what hoovering is!!! It is a very deadly weapon when people like us take them back only to have the same thing happen again. We don't need or deserve to keep being hurt.
     
  4. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Hoovering, is this in reference to the vacuum, or J. Edgar, because it really could be both. I understand J Edgar, was a pretty sick individual, and needed power and control, and just about spied on everyone under the sun.......leafy
     
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Interesting. I thought it was just named for the vacuum cleaner.
     
  6. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Could be....just rambling!.....Have a great day SWOT
     
  7. Quicksand

    Quicksand Member

    I was just "hoovered" via text by my son last night. He stopped contacting us, we haven't turned our backs on him. Your post is timely, because his text was puzzling, although my gut knew it was a "Hoover" just didn't know there was an actual name for it. I got hoovered, and it sucks!
     
  8. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    Hoovering.

    It's strange to know there are names for these behaviors that I thought were only happening to me. I do not have enough perspective to name the behavior pattern.

    Thank you for posting, Serenity.

    Cedar
     
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