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Hope the rest of the day goes better
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<blockquote data-quote="SRL" data-source="post: 491819" data-attributes="member: 701"><p>Good morning JJJ. I'm so sorry he's been such a disappointment (translation: big jerk). My experience with males who have little regard for needs/wants is that in the long run it's been healthier for me to adjust expectations than to sit around waiting for them change. It means giving up some dreams and changing the way I do things, but the tradeoff is that I'm not faced with year after year of unmet expectations and disappointment. </p><p></p><p>Next year maybe do away with all stockings for adults, or just pick up what you really want and making your own nice stocking would be the way to go. If this problem has been going on for years, maybe totally release him from buying and wrapping for you (he'll be shocked and wonder what's going on!). I'm not saying it won't hurt, but perhaps it would help you get to a better place when it comes to facing an annual letdown from a man who doesn't get it, and apparently isn't showing any signs of wanting to try and get it. Just some food for thought served with gentle hugs. <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/consoling.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":consoling:" title="consoling :consoling:" data-shortname=":consoling:" /></p><p></p><p>Also, I want to mention a book to you and anyone else who is facing gift giving/receiving disappointments. Gary Chapman has written a book called The Five Languages of Love which talks about how people give and express love and how that plays out very differently for people. For some people gifts are a very important aspect of feeling and expressing care but for others they really aren't a big deal. We tend to express care int he methods we'd like it to be expressed to us and often we miss the mark. For example, gifts are really meaningful to my daughter but I don't really care all that much, especially at obligatory holidays like Christmas and birthdays. I truly won't care if I don't have a present under the tree today (not because I'm better, just wired up differently) but she would be devestated so I make the effort to find something that will be really special for her. </p><p></p><p>Here's the book. There's a version for parents and children as well.</p><p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Five-Love-Languages-Heartfelt-Commitment/dp/B0035G04TI/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1324820605&sr=8-2" target="_blank">Amazon.com: The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate: Gary Chapman: Books</a></p><p></p><p>I hope the rest of the day goes better. <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/sorrysmiley.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":sorrysmiley:" title="sorrysmiley :sorrysmiley:" data-shortname=":sorrysmiley:" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SRL, post: 491819, member: 701"] Good morning JJJ. I'm so sorry he's been such a disappointment (translation: big jerk). My experience with males who have little regard for needs/wants is that in the long run it's been healthier for me to adjust expectations than to sit around waiting for them change. It means giving up some dreams and changing the way I do things, but the tradeoff is that I'm not faced with year after year of unmet expectations and disappointment. Next year maybe do away with all stockings for adults, or just pick up what you really want and making your own nice stocking would be the way to go. If this problem has been going on for years, maybe totally release him from buying and wrapping for you (he'll be shocked and wonder what's going on!). I'm not saying it won't hurt, but perhaps it would help you get to a better place when it comes to facing an annual letdown from a man who doesn't get it, and apparently isn't showing any signs of wanting to try and get it. Just some food for thought served with gentle hugs. :consoling: Also, I want to mention a book to you and anyone else who is facing gift giving/receiving disappointments. Gary Chapman has written a book called The Five Languages of Love which talks about how people give and express love and how that plays out very differently for people. For some people gifts are a very important aspect of feeling and expressing care but for others they really aren't a big deal. We tend to express care int he methods we'd like it to be expressed to us and often we miss the mark. For example, gifts are really meaningful to my daughter but I don't really care all that much, especially at obligatory holidays like Christmas and birthdays. I truly won't care if I don't have a present under the tree today (not because I'm better, just wired up differently) but she would be devestated so I make the effort to find something that will be really special for her. Here's the book. There's a version for parents and children as well. [URL="http://www.amazon.com/Five-Love-Languages-Heartfelt-Commitment/dp/B0035G04TI/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1324820605&sr=8-2"]Amazon.com: The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate: Gary Chapman: Books[/URL] I hope the rest of the day goes better. :sorrysmiley: [/QUOTE]
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