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Hour in the bathroom with-a blanket, pillows, magazine and cell ph, therapist on speed dial
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<blockquote data-quote="Giulia" data-source="post: 531499" data-attributes="member: 14306"><p>Are there any subtle signs that he will rage earlier and later ? </p><p>Like how he uses his hands, agitation, starting to cry... Even a much more subtle sign.</p><p>You know him better than I know him. </p><p>But in every person who risks to rage, there are subtle signs a parent does learn know by living with a person.</p><p></p><p>I suggested the calming box, and you make him buy this idea, in order to even prevent the rages. </p><p></p><p>I think that the most important point in all this is making him <u>acknowledge and recognize</u> his feelings, and teach him to ask help when he will rage. </p><p>The most important is teaching him to redirect the behavior before it escalates in a rage. </p><p>I know it is much easier said than done, but it is the key point to avoid rages/make them much less violent than they are. </p><p></p><p>If I were you, I would prepare a plan on what he <u>can</u> do to quiet himself. You prepare it with him, and make him buy and practice the strategy.</p><p>Instead of focusing on what he cannot do (the natural instinct, but it does not sound to work with him, as it generally does not work with a difficult child), we focus on what he <u><em>can</em></u> do to quiet himself.</p><p>Prepare it ahead, when he is neither agitated, nor angry. </p><p>Practice it over and over with him <em>when he is neither angry nor agitated</em>. The more you practice it with him, the better. </p><p>At the moment you see a subtle sign of possible rage, you redirect on what he learnt to calm himself in a positive way, like : "Come on, DS. It seem you need a break. Let go get some music like we did practice together". </p><p></p><p>I notice you focus a lot on consequences for doing something wrong. And it seems that it does not work that well. </p><p>In this case, I always say : "let shift our focus to get the same result". </p><p>You want him to avoid rages and violence. I wish the same for you. </p><p>You tried to get him consequences for it, and he does not get it. </p><p>So I suggest you that instead of teaching him by punishment, something that he does not catch nor make the link, we do teach him what he <u>can</u> do when he feels angry/frustrated. </p><p></p><p>My way of thinking as a difficult child is : he would do well if he could do. </p><p>So let focus on what skills we can give him to avoid a rage. A prevention instead of a cure. </p><p></p><p>It does not mean we permit rages. But instead of curing after he raged, we try to proact before he rages.</p><p></p><p>The teaching with consequences after he raged has limited results. So let focus on another mean to prevent the rages. </p><p>Let focus on which skills we can give him, and practice over and over, in order to avoid a rage. </p><p></p><p></p><p>I know it is much easier said than done. It is difficult to switch from an old patter to a new pattern. </p><p>But from what I can read from you, it looks like you need to change your pattern : teaching him skills to avoid the rages, in order to prevent them from happening. </p><p>You can tell me that it's too good to be true, but a teen with Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) who rages does rages because he does not know how to do otherwise. Let teach him the otherwise, it will be much more productive. </p><p>It won't solve all the problems overnight, but it will pay much more on the long term. </p><p></p><p></p><p>Hang in there</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Giulia, post: 531499, member: 14306"] Are there any subtle signs that he will rage earlier and later ? Like how he uses his hands, agitation, starting to cry... Even a much more subtle sign. You know him better than I know him. But in every person who risks to rage, there are subtle signs a parent does learn know by living with a person. I suggested the calming box, and you make him buy this idea, in order to even prevent the rages. I think that the most important point in all this is making him [U]acknowledge and recognize[/U] his feelings, and teach him to ask help when he will rage. The most important is teaching him to redirect the behavior before it escalates in a rage. I know it is much easier said than done, but it is the key point to avoid rages/make them much less violent than they are. If I were you, I would prepare a plan on what he [U]can[/U] do to quiet himself. You prepare it with him, and make him buy and practice the strategy. Instead of focusing on what he cannot do (the natural instinct, but it does not sound to work with him, as it generally does not work with a difficult child), we focus on what he [U][I]can[/I][/U] do to quiet himself. Prepare it ahead, when he is neither agitated, nor angry. Practice it over and over with him [I]when he is neither angry nor agitated[/I]. The more you practice it with him, the better. At the moment you see a subtle sign of possible rage, you redirect on what he learnt to calm himself in a positive way, like : "Come on, DS. It seem you need a break. Let go get some music like we did practice together". I notice you focus a lot on consequences for doing something wrong. And it seems that it does not work that well. In this case, I always say : "let shift our focus to get the same result". You want him to avoid rages and violence. I wish the same for you. You tried to get him consequences for it, and he does not get it. So I suggest you that instead of teaching him by punishment, something that he does not catch nor make the link, we do teach him what he [U]can[/U] do when he feels angry/frustrated. My way of thinking as a difficult child is : he would do well if he could do. So let focus on what skills we can give him to avoid a rage. A prevention instead of a cure. It does not mean we permit rages. But instead of curing after he raged, we try to proact before he rages. The teaching with consequences after he raged has limited results. So let focus on another mean to prevent the rages. Let focus on which skills we can give him, and practice over and over, in order to avoid a rage. I know it is much easier said than done. It is difficult to switch from an old patter to a new pattern. But from what I can read from you, it looks like you need to change your pattern : teaching him skills to avoid the rages, in order to prevent them from happening. You can tell me that it's too good to be true, but a teen with Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) who rages does rages because he does not know how to do otherwise. Let teach him the otherwise, it will be much more productive. It won't solve all the problems overnight, but it will pay much more on the long term. Hang in there [/QUOTE]
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