House Rules for Kitties

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by flutterbee, May 24, 2008.

  1. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    I made up a list of house rules for both kids this evening. MB was nice enough to help me.

    But, since the kitties have been being really bad, I came up with a list for them to:
    • No eating and/or digging up of my plants.
    • No breaking of my candles.
    • No climbing of the screens.
    • No walking on my head while I'm asleep.
    • No hissing, spitting or growling at each other.
    • All material deposited into the litter box is to be completely buried.
    • No pulling of claws on furniture or walls.
    • No bothering the dog while she's eating.
    • No attacking my feet in bed unless the comforter is over me (OUCH!).
    • No taking my chair when I get up to go potty.
    • No fighting over the windowsill. Take turns.
    • No sleeping in the basket of clean clothes. There is always a basket of dirty clothes. Sleep on those.
    Consequences for breaking these rules results in loss of catnip privileges.

    I'm going to whip everyone in this house into shape, including the animals. :warrior:

    Now, I just have to teach them to read.
  2. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Oh girl, cats can read.

    They can write too.

    See, I found a list of rules that they circulate among themselves:


    I. DOORS: Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get door opened, stand on hind legs and hammer with forepaws. Once door is opened, it is not necessary to use it. After you have ordered an "outside" door opened, stand halfway in and out and think about several things. This is particularly important during very cold weather, rain, snow, or mosquito season. Swinging doors are to be avoided at all costs.

    II. CHAIRS AND RUGS: If you have to throw up, get to a chair quickly. If you cannot manage in time, get to an Oriental rug. If there is no Oriental rug, shag is good. When throwing up on the carpet, make sure you back up so that it is as long as the human's bare foot.

    III. BATHROOMS: Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It is not necessary to do anything -- just sit and stare.

    IV. HAMPERING: If one of your humans is engaged in some close activity and the other is idle, stay with the busy one. This is called "helping", otherwise known as "hampering". Following are the rules for "hampering":

    a) When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook. You cannot be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being stepped on and then picked up and comforted.

    b) For book readers, get in close under the chin, between eyes and book, unless you can lie across the book itself.

    c) For knitting projects or paperwork, lie on the work in the most appropriate manner so as to obscure as much of the work or at least the most important part. Pretend to doze, but every so often reach out and slap the pencil or knitting needles. The worker may try to distract you; ignore it. Remember, the aim is to hamper work. Embroidery and needlepoint projects make great hammocks in spite of what the humans may tell you.

    d) For people paying bills (monthly activity) or working on income taxes or Christmas cards (annual activities), keep in mind the aim -- to hamper! First, sit on the paper being worked on. When dislodged, watch sadly from the side of the table. When activity proceeds nicely, roll around on the papers, scattering them to the best of your ability. After being removed for the second time, push pens, pencils, and erasers off the table, one at a time.

    e) When a human is holding the newspaper in front of him/her, be sure to jump on the back of the paper. They love to jump.

    V. WALKING: As often as possible, dart quickly and as close as possible in front of the human, especially: on stairs, when they have something in their arms, in the dark, and when they first get up in the morning. This will help their coordination skills.

    VI. BEDTIME: Always sleep on the human at night so s/he cannot move around.
  3. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    good luck!!!!!!
  4. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    I think it is funny that 2 of our favorite kitties (Big Bad Kitty and Meowbunny) are first to respond.

    :cheerleader: I think they are rooting for the kitties!
  5. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    Unless you are my dad/step-mom's cat. They have three but the one, Snuggles, will accompany you into the bathroom. Once there, he hops onto the sink (in the half bath) and places his front paws on your shoulders and just stands there. That is, of course, if he's not playing ball with you under the bathroom door with one of his little pom-pom balls. This is also the same cat who will sit in the window and bark at the birds and squirrells, and plays fetch with his toys.
  6. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    Awww...I want a kitty now.

    Actually, our supposedly stray cat (also named Abbey, but is really the neighbor's cat) is a master. I nearly had a stroke the other day as I saw her shoot straight up my backyard tree and snatch a little bird. I wanted to smack her up.

  7. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Abbey...repeat after me...people who have birds cannot have cats!

    This is an ongoing argument in my house because we raise the chickens. Jamie brought us the stupid pregnant we have two cats. Now grown chickens can take care of themselves against chicks cant. You cant punish or teach a cat not to hunt little birdies. Its the nature of the beast. Baby chicks arent the smartest of all creatures. We have bells on the cats hoping the mommy chicken will beat the tar out of them before they can get to the babies...sigh.

    We really shouldnt have cats. This is also why we cant have retriever type dogs. Bird
  8. 'Chelle

    'Chelle Active Member

    LOL I don't think they'll listen to your last rule. If we want to find our two we look: in the hamper with the dirty clothes, on the shelf with the clean towels, in the cupboard with easy child's clean shirts & pj's (one door doesn't stay closed) or in my closet on the shelf with my clean t-shirts (no close door). If they're not one of those 4 places, they're probably under the couch if easy child has been "playing" with them a lot. My kitties are good sisters though, they share and never fight over the window sills. Of course we live in an old house with large window sills LOL.

    Janet - you'd have to have been at my sis's house to believe it. A few years ago she had 4 dogs, a cat, a cockatiel and a guinea pig. All open cage, allowed where ever. Never fought, never tried to eat each other LOL. My sis is some kind of animal whisperer or something. They all love her and will do whatever she wants, it's amazing sometimes.
  9. Christy

    Christy New Member

    Don't forget to add stay off the keyboard while your owner is typing!