How do I get past waking up every morning filled with worry?

[StressedM0mma]

Right now I wake up every morning completely stressed, anxious, and worried as to what the day is going to hold with difficult child. I hate it. I hate the unpredictability of it all. I want to be able to take a deep breath and let it pass. But, it just seems impossible right now. I am hoping after we vivst with the psychiatrist on Tuesday that I will feel some relief. I am trying to find a therapist for her, but the wait list is so long, and some places do not take our insurance. Hopefully the psychiatrist will be able to get us in to see someone.
I guess I just need to vent. I hate this. I hate this disease. I hate that I can't take it away for my daughter. I hate that it is disrupting our family. I hate that family members don't understand. I hate that people tell me that God doesn't give you more than you can handle. Right now I sure don't feel like I am handling it very well. I feel like I am barely making it.
Those of you that have been dealing with this much longer than I have I commend you. It is such a difficult battle.
Sorry for the "downer" moment. Just needed to put it all out there, and not many people in real life understand.

 

[buddy]

OH NO!!! You mean you are HUMAN??? I am really not making light of this, just here to say I would be shocked if anyone didn't feel this at some point. The roller coaster that is always talked about??... this is the down part for sure. And the not knowing is about the worst place to be. I do believe you are handling it as well as anyone could or should. You are continuing to find help, you are waking and putting one foot in front of the other, and sometimes not doing that maybe, just resting when you need to. All of it is OK. Your family has been through a big stress and in my experience it can make us totally exhausted and at times unable to see the big picture. All the things you hate, they are legitimate issues. Parents want to take burdens off their children. It feels horrible not to have family and friends understand. And for all those who tell you that God doesn't give us more than we can handle, they may be right and well-intentioned, but they probably have no clue or are on the other side of things and have forgotten how it doesn't feel that way at times. However, for now, they are right, you ARE doing it and there is not a "right" way as long as you are doing anything toward finding answers. You are not alone in this. And it may seem simplistic to say this, there are bright moments, as you have stated a couple of times... she is in there, in my humble opinion.

keep sharing, it is one way to help cope, dont worry about it being a downer moment, that is real life. Ups and downs. You have a right to your feelings. Luv and Hugs, Dee (Buddy)

 

[exhausted]

Boy do I get it. I want to tell you that it gets easier but that isnt always true. I do find moments to be free of the worry. I have learned that I must do things for me and I have to put my brain on auto-pilot. We have 3 years of extreme stress. Even when difficult child has been in RTCs, we worried like crazy because the second place did not communicate and did not take care of her physical needs. However, as my difficult child continues down the wrong path, I find venting here, going to a NAMI meeting, talking to my friends (the few I can talk to about this), helps me stay functional. I do find that my anxiety is less as I now understand so much more about her mental illnesses. I keep hope because that is all I have right now. I also find that I have to focus on my husband and my older son once in awhile-we need each other and we are ok(even if they dont understand my daughter as well as I do). I have to take care of those relationships. I send a huge hug to you and hope you can find a few moments for you-a place that gives you a chance to be you again.

 

[StressedM0mma]

Thank you both so much. It is nice to hear that it is "normal" to not feel normal. It is hard, but I do hold out hope everyday that things will get better. I hate walking on eggshells. I try to hold everything together for the rest of the family. And my difficult child seems to like to blame everything that she feels is a slight to her, on me. She was angry at me all day yesterday because she needs to go to the psychiatrist on Tues. But, not my husband. Most of the time I can take the brunt of it, but sometimes it just becomes overwhelming. Makes me want to go to my room with a glass of wine and hide form everything.

 

[buddy]

Makes me want to go to my room with a glass of wine and hide form everything.

If she is safe, you are not chemically dependent, sounds reasonable to me! lol

 

[exhausted]

It's very normal for girls to blame everything on mom. They identify with us the most, we are often the center of things in a household, and we know their stuff(snicker, snicker). This made me crazy to begin with because I was the one trying to help. I was reading, going to appointments, volunteering to do music and cook at the RTCs etc. Why was I the target? It boils down to their desire to "not" be like us-yet identify more with us. We are easy targets because we are the emotional juice for them. We are also the enforcers more often. Conversely, we suffer more with our daughters because we know what it is to be a girl. We see the dangers only girls face, we have felt some of their social pains, and sometimes we complicate stuff by being too emeshed. I promise, this part will get easier.

 

[HaoZi]

Normal? WTH is normal? We all have times we'd like to run away from home with a good case of amnesia.

 

[exhausted]

Ha! Could run myself today! Only my kid beat me to it!
I just mean that in my experience and from my reading, this issue of girls blaming their moms and the fallout- happens often. Can't tell you how often it comes up in meetings I go to!
Dealing with this got easier for me.

 

[StressedM0mma]

Thank you for the laughs. It makes things seem a little better.

 

[Bunny]

And my difficult child seems to like to blame everything that she feels is a slight to her, on me. She was angry at me all day yesterday because she needs to go to the psychiatrist on Tues. But, not my husband.

My difficult child does that, too. It's all MY fault. Not his father's. Mine. I just love that. NOT!!

I have had the same feelings that you are having. I still have them quite a bit, especially when I see things coming down the pike that I think will send difficult child into some type of tail spin. I wish I had an answer for you. I can say that as difficult child has slowly improved, those feeling have decreased a little. But they are still there, and I think sometimes that they will ALWAYS be there. It's a sucky way to live, but it is what it is.

I do try to make time every day for me. I do alot of needlework and I love to read, so I try my best to take some time each day for things that are for me and me alone. It helps to calm by head and my heart (especially reading! I love getting lost in a book) and I can sort of re-group, if that makes any sense.

I hope that it gets better for you.

 

[shellyd67]

Oh gosh, I have only felt this way a gazillion times. It is a horrible way to go thru existence and lately I have more bad days than good. I am so sorry you are going thru all of this too.

HUGS

 

[DammitJanet]

let me tell ya, the teen years were awful. I wouldnt raise another teen for a million bucks. Especially not a difficult child teen. I truly didnt think I would live through it. You know how people lament turning 40? I used to count down until I turned 43. People thought I was nuts and asked me why I would ever want to be 43? I told them that was when my youngest would be 18. LOL. Little did I know it didnt end at 18.

Parenting these kids is so hard and I dont know if we were chosen specially or not. I dont feel very special. I think I was just too stupid to give up.

 

[klmno]

I think I was just too stupid to give up.

Oh, Lord- don't I know that feeling! Actually, I give up then turn right around because I can't leave him in a worse situation.

 

[StressedM0mma]

Janet- I thought I was the only one that counted the days!! And I have also said that I never want to parent teens again. There are times I am not sure how we will make it until she is 18. She will be 15 in Feb. But, then there are the good times. Right now she is in the kitchen sauteing vegis to go with dinner. When things are good they are very good, and when things are bad... They are REALLY REALLY BAD. But, I love her. And, I make sure I tell her multiple times a day. Even when she is horrid and miserable.

 

[Nomad]

I'm so sorry. I agree with the others, what you are experiencing is normal!
When we were new to this and even years later during particularly turbulent moments, I often felt frantic trying to cope with the extreme unertainty of it all, the great worries, the actual danger my difficult child was often in, the weird ridicule and stigma our family faced, the exhaustion, frustration...etc. It is mind boggling. And then to top it off, as you mentioned, not many people out there "get it."
I personally often went to see a therapist. I went on medication briefly. I did everything and anything I could to get myself back in balance. In is a tall order, but an absolutely necessity. This burden is huge.
At the same time, I did what I could for my difficult child...getting her the right therapists, medications, teachers, etc. As she got older, I pulled back my involvement. Today, she is in her twenties and my involvement in her life is very limited. She knows that she has to try her best in life. And if she acts appropriately and respectfully around me, from time to time, we can enjoy wonderful family time together.
PLEASE take time for yourself and get whatever help you might need to get the strength you need to face each morning. How old is your child? Is she 14? Remember, that age is particularly tough. There is a book called "Yes, your teen is crazy" that I find really helpful. Try to act unemotional around your child when they are behaving inappropriately. Refer them to professionals for mental health and/or substance abuse issues.
Again, nurture your own needs and if you are married...make sure that you don't forget to nurture that relationship as well.
In time, you will be able to tface the mornings happily again.

 

[Malika]

I love her. And, I make sure I tell her multiple times a day. Even when she is horrid and miserable.

You are a great momma. And I think that one day your daughter will really know that and thank you. There are SO many changes between adolescence and adulthood - so many former anti-social monsters become integrated, reasonable adults. There is hope but sometimes it is hard to hold onto, I know, in the darkest days.

 

[DammitJanet]

I cant help but remember that little ditty that I used to hear.

There was a little girl
who had a little curl
right in the middle of her forehead.

And when she was good
She was very very good
but when she was bad
she was Horrid!

 

[StressedM0mma]

If she had a curl, it would fit perfectly!!

 

[DaisyFace]

Stressed--

I think that you are willing to "take the brunt of it" is part of the problem (said by another Mom who spent years "taking the brunt of it" herself - LOL!).

I have gotten much more respect from difficult child by NOT being willing to take the brunt of it. When you feel like leaving the room? Go! Better yet - send HER out of the room. Sorry! You can't be in my kitchen (or living room, or bedroom or whatever) with that attitude! You are welcome back when you can treat me with respect.