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HOW do I keep food in the house....RANT
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<blockquote data-quote="Mattsmom277" data-source="post: 318585" data-attributes="member: 4264"><p>I totally understand your frustration. It can't be easy, the frustration sounds like it builds and builds. I wish I had an answer.</p><p></p><p>I have always had food issues. It went back to my bio mom before my foster care years. Never enough to eat. her keeping special food for herself, unavailable to us. We could never eat when we wanted, only if and when she dictated. I had bizarre periods in foster care years of hoarding, then refusing to eat certain foods, or not eating at all and acting like food was the enemy. Then I went through binge eating, sneaky eating. I spent a few years as a teen eating secretly. I'd eat with everyone, in normal consumption levels. Then I'd eat on the sly. Always in teh cupboard, fridge, freezer. I had no boundaries either. Didn't matter if there was a good reason I shouldn't have a certain food item. My personal inner issues with food pushed me, against my normal character, to eat when I needed to. And need had nothing to do with being hungry. It wasn't a rebellion thing or meant as disrespecting others in the household. It was really a product of severe psychological damage. Once I lived alone at 16, I had complete control over my own food. I spent a LONG time refusing anyone to eat at my home. i had to control the food entirely. Once I got over that, I turned to just eating all the time. full or not, it was as if something inside me (irational as it was) felt like one day I'd be that kid denied food again, so eat while you can even if you are stuffed. Then when I got control of that, I had gastric bypass and reigned in my food consumption. But truly, I STILL have food issues. Now in order to not harm my health, I've ditched the other methods of food control. Instead, it now manifests as having to have certain food ALWAYS available. I can't do like others and shop a few days or week at a time. I have to have a fully stocked home ALWAYS. I have to be able to wake up in the morning and want something and have all I need for that meal without needing to run out to buy stuff. Other than fresh things like fruits, veggies, dairy etc I have a insanely full freezer of meat. I have a insane pantry stocked like its a fallout shelter for a family of 10. Crazy thing? From gastric bypass my stomache is the size of 4 grapes. Literally. I don't (and can't) over eat now. I can't have sugar so treats have no appeal to me. But I must have a mini grocery shop in my home to feel okay. </p><p></p><p>I have to wonder if this isn't something that your difficult child could use some intense counselling to recognize about himself?? Even then, it might not click. I didn't gain personal insight to the cause of all these quirks of mine until I was hitting 30. And then it was only because I forced myself to face the reality of why I had gotten so obese. And I did THAT because I was scared for my health. Had I been more active and not gained weight the way I did? I'd probably STILL be acting insane about food. As it is, I know its still horribly sad that I feel a need to buy the quantities of groceries that I do.</p><p></p><p>it is shocking the damage that can be done in our younger years in really unhealthy situations. It can least a lifetime. I also know the more my food issues were pointed out as years went by, the more it drove me to it. Not just overeating, but also the hoarding, secret eating, etc. When I was spoken to about my food habits to any degree it drew my attention unconciously even MORE to my need to control food. </p><p></p><p>I do hope your difficult child can find a way to work through this. I could be wrong, but given he has a history of having food withheld at a young age, I would hazard what I think is a pretty good guess that he's got some serious underlying damage that he probably isn't even aware of. We tend to think even ourselves with histories like this, that once we have access to food without it withheld, we can adapt and get past the history. But inside, where we often don't even know it, is a deep seeded fear and survival instinct. I truly think even the physical and sexual abuse I endured was easier handled emotionally over time than the food being withheld and used as a weapon. One can survive physical and sexual and verbal abuse. however we DIE without food. And have that tummy empty and painful and be powerless over it? Human need to survive is a powerful mind bending thing. </p><p></p><p>Best of luck. My heart goes out to your difficult child. I also know how hard it was for those who loved me in foster care etc to deal with my food stuff. Its hard on everyone.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mattsmom277, post: 318585, member: 4264"] I totally understand your frustration. It can't be easy, the frustration sounds like it builds and builds. I wish I had an answer. I have always had food issues. It went back to my bio mom before my foster care years. Never enough to eat. her keeping special food for herself, unavailable to us. We could never eat when we wanted, only if and when she dictated. I had bizarre periods in foster care years of hoarding, then refusing to eat certain foods, or not eating at all and acting like food was the enemy. Then I went through binge eating, sneaky eating. I spent a few years as a teen eating secretly. I'd eat with everyone, in normal consumption levels. Then I'd eat on the sly. Always in teh cupboard, fridge, freezer. I had no boundaries either. Didn't matter if there was a good reason I shouldn't have a certain food item. My personal inner issues with food pushed me, against my normal character, to eat when I needed to. And need had nothing to do with being hungry. It wasn't a rebellion thing or meant as disrespecting others in the household. It was really a product of severe psychological damage. Once I lived alone at 16, I had complete control over my own food. I spent a LONG time refusing anyone to eat at my home. i had to control the food entirely. Once I got over that, I turned to just eating all the time. full or not, it was as if something inside me (irational as it was) felt like one day I'd be that kid denied food again, so eat while you can even if you are stuffed. Then when I got control of that, I had gastric bypass and reigned in my food consumption. But truly, I STILL have food issues. Now in order to not harm my health, I've ditched the other methods of food control. Instead, it now manifests as having to have certain food ALWAYS available. I can't do like others and shop a few days or week at a time. I have to have a fully stocked home ALWAYS. I have to be able to wake up in the morning and want something and have all I need for that meal without needing to run out to buy stuff. Other than fresh things like fruits, veggies, dairy etc I have a insanely full freezer of meat. I have a insane pantry stocked like its a fallout shelter for a family of 10. Crazy thing? From gastric bypass my stomache is the size of 4 grapes. Literally. I don't (and can't) over eat now. I can't have sugar so treats have no appeal to me. But I must have a mini grocery shop in my home to feel okay. I have to wonder if this isn't something that your difficult child could use some intense counselling to recognize about himself?? Even then, it might not click. I didn't gain personal insight to the cause of all these quirks of mine until I was hitting 30. And then it was only because I forced myself to face the reality of why I had gotten so obese. And I did THAT because I was scared for my health. Had I been more active and not gained weight the way I did? I'd probably STILL be acting insane about food. As it is, I know its still horribly sad that I feel a need to buy the quantities of groceries that I do. it is shocking the damage that can be done in our younger years in really unhealthy situations. It can least a lifetime. I also know the more my food issues were pointed out as years went by, the more it drove me to it. Not just overeating, but also the hoarding, secret eating, etc. When I was spoken to about my food habits to any degree it drew my attention unconciously even MORE to my need to control food. I do hope your difficult child can find a way to work through this. I could be wrong, but given he has a history of having food withheld at a young age, I would hazard what I think is a pretty good guess that he's got some serious underlying damage that he probably isn't even aware of. We tend to think even ourselves with histories like this, that once we have access to food without it withheld, we can adapt and get past the history. But inside, where we often don't even know it, is a deep seeded fear and survival instinct. I truly think even the physical and sexual abuse I endured was easier handled emotionally over time than the food being withheld and used as a weapon. One can survive physical and sexual and verbal abuse. however we DIE without food. And have that tummy empty and painful and be powerless over it? Human need to survive is a powerful mind bending thing. Best of luck. My heart goes out to your difficult child. I also know how hard it was for those who loved me in foster care etc to deal with my food stuff. Its hard on everyone. [/QUOTE]
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