Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
How do U help a difficult child with- fixations?
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 250185" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>I don't blame him for beingupset, but he sounds like he's nnot good at explaining exactly what he is upset about. He seems to be saying he's upset because J grabbed the book he wanted, but I think it goes deeper - J disrespected him, badly, by grabbing the book like that.</p><p></p><p>Now some kids are like that. J probably didn't mean to be horrible, or even if he did - he probably doesn't realise the pain he's caused. </p><p></p><p>I would be sympathetic to him, let him know that he is allowed to be upset about being disrespected, but if he lets it continue to eat at him, he's going to have an even more miserable time than he needs to. Yes, that is the book he wanted - but because of the incident, he is now "stuck" in that moment and needs to move on, at least for a few days, to do something else instead. Then when J brings the book back, he can get it then. And maybe next time he won't show J the book that has taken his fancy!</p><p></p><p>Sounds to me like these two need supervising when together...</p><p></p><p>On the subject of J, I remember some otherwise quite decent kids who used to play together by grabbing each other's things and running off with them. Usually it was a more immature kid who didn't really do too well with social interaction and who was trying to fit in with a group, and who thought this was how you tease a friend good-naturedly. I remember one boy, I had to stop him because the kid he'd upset was REALLY upset. Teachers often didn't intervene because it was the sort of stuff they felt the kids could sort out for themselves. I also noticed that as these kids got a bit older and wiser, this behaviour stopped. They simply didn't know that it was unacceptable and hurtful.</p><p></p><p>I think what should have happened, is someone should have stepped in and sorted this out, maybe had a quickmediation session with the boys. J needed to know that it wasn't funny, it was hurtful' your son needed to kow that there are other choices and J probably didn't mean to be nasty, it was his hamfisted attempt to play.</p><p></p><p>As for what to do now - your son is going to be stuck, until he can get himself over his hurt. And maybe you need to talk to J, or talk to J's parent (if you know them well enough) to see if you can resolve things BEFORE they meet again.</p><p></p><p>As for the way our Aspie-ish kids use obsessions as a way to cope - I've learned to live with it. They do adapt as they get older, but with the degree of extreme anxiety they feel so often, ritual and sameness (as well as some comforting behaviours) do make it easier for thme to handle it. Cognitive Behaviour Therapy can also help; he needs to learn to recognise the somatic (body manifestations) signs of anxiety - the knot in the stomach, the rapid heartbeat, the muscle tension. Then he needs to learn ways of reducing his symptoms. difficult child 3 has been given a daily exercise before bedtime - breath in for six seconds, breathe out for six seconds. He's thensupposed to use this when he's feeling anxious - breathe in for six seconds, breathe out for six seconds.</p><p></p><p>An alternative handy obsession for when you can't find "scratchies" - bubble wrap. If you keep a few squares of it in your handbag, you can hand him a piece and let him pop the bubbles. It's really good for reducing anger and anxiety. But if you try to remove obsessions, you can be also removing coping strategies. The best thing you can do is direct him to coping strategies you find preferable.</p><p></p><p>For example, popping bubbles on bubble wrap is more acceptable than taking a chainsaw to people.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 250185, member: 1991"] I don't blame him for beingupset, but he sounds like he's nnot good at explaining exactly what he is upset about. He seems to be saying he's upset because J grabbed the book he wanted, but I think it goes deeper - J disrespected him, badly, by grabbing the book like that. Now some kids are like that. J probably didn't mean to be horrible, or even if he did - he probably doesn't realise the pain he's caused. I would be sympathetic to him, let him know that he is allowed to be upset about being disrespected, but if he lets it continue to eat at him, he's going to have an even more miserable time than he needs to. Yes, that is the book he wanted - but because of the incident, he is now "stuck" in that moment and needs to move on, at least for a few days, to do something else instead. Then when J brings the book back, he can get it then. And maybe next time he won't show J the book that has taken his fancy! Sounds to me like these two need supervising when together... On the subject of J, I remember some otherwise quite decent kids who used to play together by grabbing each other's things and running off with them. Usually it was a more immature kid who didn't really do too well with social interaction and who was trying to fit in with a group, and who thought this was how you tease a friend good-naturedly. I remember one boy, I had to stop him because the kid he'd upset was REALLY upset. Teachers often didn't intervene because it was the sort of stuff they felt the kids could sort out for themselves. I also noticed that as these kids got a bit older and wiser, this behaviour stopped. They simply didn't know that it was unacceptable and hurtful. I think what should have happened, is someone should have stepped in and sorted this out, maybe had a quickmediation session with the boys. J needed to know that it wasn't funny, it was hurtful' your son needed to kow that there are other choices and J probably didn't mean to be nasty, it was his hamfisted attempt to play. As for what to do now - your son is going to be stuck, until he can get himself over his hurt. And maybe you need to talk to J, or talk to J's parent (if you know them well enough) to see if you can resolve things BEFORE they meet again. As for the way our Aspie-ish kids use obsessions as a way to cope - I've learned to live with it. They do adapt as they get older, but with the degree of extreme anxiety they feel so often, ritual and sameness (as well as some comforting behaviours) do make it easier for thme to handle it. Cognitive Behaviour Therapy can also help; he needs to learn to recognise the somatic (body manifestations) signs of anxiety - the knot in the stomach, the rapid heartbeat, the muscle tension. Then he needs to learn ways of reducing his symptoms. difficult child 3 has been given a daily exercise before bedtime - breath in for six seconds, breathe out for six seconds. He's thensupposed to use this when he's feeling anxious - breathe in for six seconds, breathe out for six seconds. An alternative handy obsession for when you can't find "scratchies" - bubble wrap. If you keep a few squares of it in your handbag, you can hand him a piece and let him pop the bubbles. It's really good for reducing anger and anxiety. But if you try to remove obsessions, you can be also removing coping strategies. The best thing you can do is direct him to coping strategies you find preferable. For example, popping bubbles on bubble wrap is more acceptable than taking a chainsaw to people. Marg [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
How do U help a difficult child with- fixations?
Top