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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 523745" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>it depends on the situation for me. someone i see often? i often try to kill with kindness. i still remember when a neighbor let their dog bark for hours every night - not a puppy or in a new house, but this went on for weeks. finally my mother made coffee, grabbed some muffins I made the day before, and at 3am rang their doorbell. she was so SWEET, offering coffee and homemade muffins because obviously they could not sleep through the dog barking either. they had been super rude about our dog barking for about 5 mn at someone who walked into our yard the week before she went over. just really jumped down my throat - and <em>our dog</em> stopped barking if anyone said 'be still' to her. all our neighbors knew it, too, even this one. Too add insult, this neighbor was a vet and wanted the business of all the neighbors and had really gotten pushy about how we <em>should</em> go to her because she was our neighbor. But she wouldn't make her own dog not bark all night long, not even after four tickets from the cops.</p><p></p><p>you really can't fix stupid or bigoted or mean though. i only go with sweetness when it can be done in such a way as to inconvenience them, as in 3 am muffins, and not if it can be written off as me being a weak ninny they can walk all over. </p><p></p><p>You have gone and told them why they were wrong. Now you can either act as though of course they are sorry for their rudeness, or you can start to ignore them, or you can just get in their face next time and point out some shortcoming of theirs, as in 'well, at least my yard isn't half dead' if it is something about the yard, or 'at least my child uses good manners nad doesn't slurp and chew with his mouth open like he was born in a barn' - which is a line i used with a pta mom who kept telling me all the problems that my daughter had. Mostly she wanted me to feel bad because my daughter weighed a few more pounds htan hers, not overweight, just not skinny as a rail because that is not our heredity. Her daughter had the most atrocious table manners and this was not a child who was clumsy or had motor skill problems - her mother harped on weight, makeup -for a 7yo - and being in the 'right' after school activities. Think beauty pageant skills, except the chld's manners were appalling and not just at the table. </p><p></p><p>Everyone has somethng they are unhappy about - figure flaw, acne, something. If they try to bully you, point this out and often you can be seen as someone not to mess with. I don't reach out to bully, and if bullied i try to reach out with friendship and understanding first. But if they won't take that, i am fne wiht teachng them I am not someone to mess with for fun. It owrks better with mean girls (even grown up ones) than turning the other cheek.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 523745, member: 1233"] it depends on the situation for me. someone i see often? i often try to kill with kindness. i still remember when a neighbor let their dog bark for hours every night - not a puppy or in a new house, but this went on for weeks. finally my mother made coffee, grabbed some muffins I made the day before, and at 3am rang their doorbell. she was so SWEET, offering coffee and homemade muffins because obviously they could not sleep through the dog barking either. they had been super rude about our dog barking for about 5 mn at someone who walked into our yard the week before she went over. just really jumped down my throat - and [I]our dog[/I] stopped barking if anyone said 'be still' to her. all our neighbors knew it, too, even this one. Too add insult, this neighbor was a vet and wanted the business of all the neighbors and had really gotten pushy about how we [I]should[/I] go to her because she was our neighbor. But she wouldn't make her own dog not bark all night long, not even after four tickets from the cops. you really can't fix stupid or bigoted or mean though. i only go with sweetness when it can be done in such a way as to inconvenience them, as in 3 am muffins, and not if it can be written off as me being a weak ninny they can walk all over. You have gone and told them why they were wrong. Now you can either act as though of course they are sorry for their rudeness, or you can start to ignore them, or you can just get in their face next time and point out some shortcoming of theirs, as in 'well, at least my yard isn't half dead' if it is something about the yard, or 'at least my child uses good manners nad doesn't slurp and chew with his mouth open like he was born in a barn' - which is a line i used with a pta mom who kept telling me all the problems that my daughter had. Mostly she wanted me to feel bad because my daughter weighed a few more pounds htan hers, not overweight, just not skinny as a rail because that is not our heredity. Her daughter had the most atrocious table manners and this was not a child who was clumsy or had motor skill problems - her mother harped on weight, makeup -for a 7yo - and being in the 'right' after school activities. Think beauty pageant skills, except the chld's manners were appalling and not just at the table. Everyone has somethng they are unhappy about - figure flaw, acne, something. If they try to bully you, point this out and often you can be seen as someone not to mess with. I don't reach out to bully, and if bullied i try to reach out with friendship and understanding first. But if they won't take that, i am fne wiht teachng them I am not someone to mess with for fun. It owrks better with mean girls (even grown up ones) than turning the other cheek. [/QUOTE]
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