disappointment and resentment? It's almost a year since my discovery of his infidelity and while he has been transparent and has deleted all of the accounts that were involved with the online emotional affair as well as we stopped using facebook (I now refer to it as f--kbook, use your imagination if you will) I feel like he hasn't done enough "heavy lifting" to repair the damage. I tried going to counselling, 4 sessions but it only left me worse off than it helped and I've come to realize that counselling doesn't work if it's one person going and the other person refusing to or denying they don't need it. It rugsweeps it, doesn't initiate talk about it, doesn't seem to want to. I feel like all he wants to do is go back to the way it was when it can never be that again. The holidays are utterly depressing (they already were for me, I hate Christmas...my own issues but still can't help it, it's emotional baggage from childhood - I have improved over the years). Most days I'm okay but then there is the triggers and downward spiral into self loathing, why me pity party and the F my life feelings. I feel second best, I feel like a second choice, a fall back on kind of choice. I'm tired of asking for my emotional needs to be met, I'm tired of not seeing any hard work for what he's done. I'm tired of being ignored, unappreciated. I tired of no remorse shown. I keep thinking how many more years until the youngest is 16 and I can move on (yeah I know not the best thing to do) or "well I'll get through the holidays and then I can leave" feelings. I don't respect him or at least have extremely low respect for him. I'm still waiting for date night, that was almost a year ago I asked for him to take care of that need. I'm still waiting. I gave up asking. Rather frustrating. I've talked until I'm blue in the face and still no change. Not that he hasn't done things to or isn't trying but he's mostly excuses for the things he hasn't met my needs for (I forgot to, I was going to do but it slipped my mind, blah blah blah). I get the eye roll for when I want to discuss issues of needs not being met so now I don't bother. Now it's just frustration, resentment and disappointment...makes for a very undesirable husband and situation... What would you do? *sigh* On a brighter note: I start a new job (albeit for now part time with a promise of very real possibility of full time) in January. Yay me (freaking FINALLY).