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<blockquote data-quote="Mamaof5" data-source="post: 490778"><p>*lol* the co worker advice made me giggle because they are an ALL female team!!</p><p></p><p>This is what I have planned for the new year - The job (yay, I feel much better with that prospect lined up), I'm going to take tai chi from the local activities group (they accept all ages despite being a senior center) that is 3 bucks a class and the yoga\pilates classes at the dance studio are 8 bucks a class. Cheap and awesome, I need to get back to my prime I was in as a teen - that was the healthiest I've ever been in my life! I was ripped and healthier than a horse then.</p><p></p><p>I'm also going to see if the local Bushido dojo is still running in town. Another thing I wanted so desperately to get back into was martial arts. I probably won't do that until the tai chi & yoga\pilates classes firm up my health a bit. I can't even walk up stairs without getting breathless and tachycardia right (not life threatening by the way, found out it was supra ventricular tachycardia which is usually something they don't even have to treat with surgery, just medications for some cases and not all, it's like having mitral valve prolapse, another non threatening cardiac condition...normally).</p><p></p><p>I want nothing to do with counselling, I went to 4 sessions that left me super depressed and those sessions didn't focus on marriage counselling primarily. Maybe I didn't connect with the person but this sh.. hole town has very little to offer in the way of services unless you are dying or a child.</p><p></p><p>I am going to set a new "due date" like I did last year. Same day I discovered the infidelity. What you all have described is what marriage builders and talk about marriage call the "180" method. I already started doing some of that method. Now, in the new year I can do the rest.</p><p></p><p>I'll continue with my writing, I may even join the local writer's group again. I'm giving it another 12 months and if 180 doesn't work then I'm outtie because I can't live like this for another 14+ years. I just can't do it but I'll give it my best go to fix what I can on my side, he can either follow with me or fall on his face. I'm done talking to him about it, I'm done begging, I'm done feeling like a piece of poo poo over it. I'm done being second to people now...</p><p></p><p>Honestly, my new life anthem for the last 12 months has been "Rolling in the Deep" (Adele)..now it's time to change that anthem to something more appropo.... "f'ing perfect" (pink) perhaps! Screw this poo poo, I'm putting me first because I haven't put me first in 14 years!</p><p></p><p>Time to hook my inner by.tch back up and start doing for me for a change.</p><p></p><p>I just wanted to add, I'm over the infidelity part really. It's the fact that I've given him a blueprint to fix our relationship issues before\after the infidelity happened that will prevent such a situation from happening again. I've literally modeled what I want by DOING for him what I want done for me. The love letter, I wrote him one to show him how...his response "I would never be able to do that like that". He doesn't even try, makes me wonder if he is afraid of me either laughing at him for it or just total utter failure at it.</p><p></p><p>The date night thing...honestly I threw it at him and said (frustrated) do it or don't but reap what you sew if you don't. I wanted him to make the effort to set it up and get a babysitter and set a date for it. He did set a date 4 months after the fact and just never did it. Money is tight, I get that but dude come on I got a girlfriend in town that will babysit for free and 10 bucks of gas plus a pool hall that does 2 buck games...We don't even drink....</p><p></p><p>Maybe I should just set them up and say this date, this time, don't you be late.</p><p></p><p>There's another thing that really bugs me, like last night after I posted this thread. I have no respect for this behavior either, absolutely unattractive behavior all the way...</p><p></p><p>He can be so immature. I swear some days he's 16 years old. Prank calling the taxi company with *67 wasting another person's time and money (which in this society is everything these days). When he was working for the taxi company he complained ALL the time about this kind of behavior and yet he's doing it to someone else. They pay for the mileage, the gas and that can get pricey these days. Such a lack of respect for another human being....</p><p></p><p>Dump runs turn into three hour power picking sessions. I sent him to the dump last week to get rid of crud that came from the dump picking runs and he does drop off that HUGE load but comes back with more crud too. DUDE! Okay okay I'm being petty...that is small compared to other stuff honestly.</p><p></p><p>too much information alert here:</p><p></p><p>Bedroom, lately...BLAH. Twice now I've been left hanging while he gets the goodies. One wasn't his fault (grumble*darn 9 yr old and boundaries issues for my bedroom*grumble) but dude, can ya get back to where you left off later in the day...the second time...well...lets just say blah.</p><p></p><p>Also he's taking to being lazy about it. THAT DOES NOT WORK FOR ME. Don't be lazy cause sure as sht I ain't lazy in that department. Not one bit. I'd go into more detail but this is a G rated forum board. Lazy is about all I can describe without being really too much information.</p><p></p><p>Yeah okay maybe I'm just so frustrated that I'm seeing nothing but fault so let me say this:</p><p></p><p>He's an awesome father, he loves his kids. He cares about his kids to the point that he'll do without before them. Always has, has sacrificed his own things and even health for them. Always has.</p><p></p><p>Normally, 98% of the time, I'm bedroom satisfied (as in the big o I mean). I'm one of the lucky few in that department. Don't beat me please....It took us 2 or 3 years to figure each other out in that department so it wasn't always like that. I guess he just figured out which buttons to push and how is all. Just wish he'd be a little more romantic about it at times.</p><p></p><p>I'm a nym.pho, he's not. We're quite the opposite in that department. I'm the alpha in that department honestly...I guess sometimes I like being beta as well (read submissive). It's rare but it's there.</p><p></p><p>I'm rambling, I'll shut up now...</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mamaof5, post: 490778"] *lol* the co worker advice made me giggle because they are an ALL female team!! This is what I have planned for the new year - The job (yay, I feel much better with that prospect lined up), I'm going to take tai chi from the local activities group (they accept all ages despite being a senior center) that is 3 bucks a class and the yoga\pilates classes at the dance studio are 8 bucks a class. Cheap and awesome, I need to get back to my prime I was in as a teen - that was the healthiest I've ever been in my life! I was ripped and healthier than a horse then. I'm also going to see if the local Bushido dojo is still running in town. Another thing I wanted so desperately to get back into was martial arts. I probably won't do that until the tai chi & yoga\pilates classes firm up my health a bit. I can't even walk up stairs without getting breathless and tachycardia right (not life threatening by the way, found out it was supra ventricular tachycardia which is usually something they don't even have to treat with surgery, just medications for some cases and not all, it's like having mitral valve prolapse, another non threatening cardiac condition...normally). I want nothing to do with counselling, I went to 4 sessions that left me super depressed and those sessions didn't focus on marriage counselling primarily. Maybe I didn't connect with the person but this sh.. hole town has very little to offer in the way of services unless you are dying or a child. I am going to set a new "due date" like I did last year. Same day I discovered the infidelity. What you all have described is what marriage builders and talk about marriage call the "180" method. I already started doing some of that method. Now, in the new year I can do the rest. I'll continue with my writing, I may even join the local writer's group again. I'm giving it another 12 months and if 180 doesn't work then I'm outtie because I can't live like this for another 14+ years. I just can't do it but I'll give it my best go to fix what I can on my side, he can either follow with me or fall on his face. I'm done talking to him about it, I'm done begging, I'm done feeling like a piece of poo poo over it. I'm done being second to people now... Honestly, my new life anthem for the last 12 months has been "Rolling in the Deep" (Adele)..now it's time to change that anthem to something more appropo.... "f'ing perfect" (pink) perhaps! Screw this poo poo, I'm putting me first because I haven't put me first in 14 years! Time to hook my inner by.tch back up and start doing for me for a change. I just wanted to add, I'm over the infidelity part really. It's the fact that I've given him a blueprint to fix our relationship issues before\after the infidelity happened that will prevent such a situation from happening again. I've literally modeled what I want by DOING for him what I want done for me. The love letter, I wrote him one to show him how...his response "I would never be able to do that like that". He doesn't even try, makes me wonder if he is afraid of me either laughing at him for it or just total utter failure at it. The date night thing...honestly I threw it at him and said (frustrated) do it or don't but reap what you sew if you don't. I wanted him to make the effort to set it up and get a babysitter and set a date for it. He did set a date 4 months after the fact and just never did it. Money is tight, I get that but dude come on I got a girlfriend in town that will babysit for free and 10 bucks of gas plus a pool hall that does 2 buck games...We don't even drink.... Maybe I should just set them up and say this date, this time, don't you be late. There's another thing that really bugs me, like last night after I posted this thread. I have no respect for this behavior either, absolutely unattractive behavior all the way... He can be so immature. I swear some days he's 16 years old. Prank calling the taxi company with *67 wasting another person's time and money (which in this society is everything these days). When he was working for the taxi company he complained ALL the time about this kind of behavior and yet he's doing it to someone else. They pay for the mileage, the gas and that can get pricey these days. Such a lack of respect for another human being.... Dump runs turn into three hour power picking sessions. I sent him to the dump last week to get rid of crud that came from the dump picking runs and he does drop off that HUGE load but comes back with more crud too. DUDE! Okay okay I'm being petty...that is small compared to other stuff honestly. too much information alert here: Bedroom, lately...BLAH. Twice now I've been left hanging while he gets the goodies. One wasn't his fault (grumble*darn 9 yr old and boundaries issues for my bedroom*grumble) but dude, can ya get back to where you left off later in the day...the second time...well...lets just say blah. Also he's taking to being lazy about it. THAT DOES NOT WORK FOR ME. Don't be lazy cause sure as sht I ain't lazy in that department. Not one bit. I'd go into more detail but this is a G rated forum board. Lazy is about all I can describe without being really too much information. Yeah okay maybe I'm just so frustrated that I'm seeing nothing but fault so let me say this: He's an awesome father, he loves his kids. He cares about his kids to the point that he'll do without before them. Always has, has sacrificed his own things and even health for them. Always has. Normally, 98% of the time, I'm bedroom satisfied (as in the big o I mean). I'm one of the lucky few in that department. Don't beat me please....It took us 2 or 3 years to figure each other out in that department so it wasn't always like that. I guess he just figured out which buttons to push and how is all. Just wish he'd be a little more romantic about it at times. I'm a nym.pho, he's not. We're quite the opposite in that department. I'm the alpha in that department honestly...I guess sometimes I like being beta as well (read submissive). It's rare but it's there. I'm rambling, I'll shut up now... [/QUOTE]
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