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How do you defuse meltdown towards friends?
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 441331" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Actually, I think you handled this as well as you could.</p><p></p><p>What happens especially when the boys are younger, is they get caught up in the adrenalin of the game and get out of hand in other ways. Especially if one or more of the boys are also a bit socially inept.</p><p></p><p>Your son may well have been right, the other boy being the culprit. It sounds like they were both behaving badly. As for the other boy calling you mean - sounds like guilty conscience to me. It's nice that your son defended you; a shame he felt he needed to. And I think that is what you work on with him, in the in between times when the other boys are not there. Or even if they are - just say to your son, "I am here, I have broad shoulders. Visitor boy, if you think I am mean, you come tell me to my face. Don't say things like that behind anyone's back. Tell me why you feel I am being mean and let's discuss it. And son - I am a big girl, I can fight my own battles. Let me defend myself, and let's do it politely and without making threats."</p><p></p><p>Rather than sending the other boys home, telling them that it's tim to stop playing video games and to instead go outside with a ball, can work. What they need, and what video games can give them, is structure. So if you send them out to play, be prepared to go out with them and organise a game of baseball or similar. You don't have to actually play, just organise them. "OK boys, the goal posts are here. You're each on your own team, you have to get the ball and dribble it through the goal posts. I'm the ref, I'll keep score for you." </p><p></p><p>Three kids playing together can be a problem. Try to keep the numbers lower in future - two at a time only. Failing that, you stay in the room with them and supervise. Even if all you're doing is your knitting, if you're there they will behave better.</p><p></p><p>And that boy who called you mean - watch him in future. He sounds like a sneaky troublemaker who was pushing your son's buttons. Another difficult child kid but one perhaps not identified or well-managed at home. Just watch and observe, in case it was just an isolated incident.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 441331, member: 1991"] Actually, I think you handled this as well as you could. What happens especially when the boys are younger, is they get caught up in the adrenalin of the game and get out of hand in other ways. Especially if one or more of the boys are also a bit socially inept. Your son may well have been right, the other boy being the culprit. It sounds like they were both behaving badly. As for the other boy calling you mean - sounds like guilty conscience to me. It's nice that your son defended you; a shame he felt he needed to. And I think that is what you work on with him, in the in between times when the other boys are not there. Or even if they are - just say to your son, "I am here, I have broad shoulders. Visitor boy, if you think I am mean, you come tell me to my face. Don't say things like that behind anyone's back. Tell me why you feel I am being mean and let's discuss it. And son - I am a big girl, I can fight my own battles. Let me defend myself, and let's do it politely and without making threats." Rather than sending the other boys home, telling them that it's tim to stop playing video games and to instead go outside with a ball, can work. What they need, and what video games can give them, is structure. So if you send them out to play, be prepared to go out with them and organise a game of baseball or similar. You don't have to actually play, just organise them. "OK boys, the goal posts are here. You're each on your own team, you have to get the ball and dribble it through the goal posts. I'm the ref, I'll keep score for you." Three kids playing together can be a problem. Try to keep the numbers lower in future - two at a time only. Failing that, you stay in the room with them and supervise. Even if all you're doing is your knitting, if you're there they will behave better. And that boy who called you mean - watch him in future. He sounds like a sneaky troublemaker who was pushing your son's buttons. Another difficult child kid but one perhaps not identified or well-managed at home. Just watch and observe, in case it was just an isolated incident. Marg [/QUOTE]
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