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how do you handle explosions in front of friends?
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 254299" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>I would remove my child, even if it risked meltdown, because to allow it to continue is telling everyone else that I will put up with it and that I apparently expect them to as well. Removing difficult child meant removing the probllem from other people too, which was only good for them.</p><p></p><p>I would try to get an apology, but only if it had a chance of working. Usually I would have to 'get through' to my child, to make it clear that what they were doing was unaccptable. If my kid was not getting the message, or was still screaming in defiance that everyone else was being mean and he/she wasn't the problem, then I had to be prepared to remove the child all the way to home, if necessary.</p><p></p><p>Any apology has to be sincere. If that means having to wait until the next day - so be it. But if you have to wait, you sometimes need to get your child to apologise in writing.</p><p></p><p>Sometimes little kids just are too tired to keep maintainng the good behaviour. Kids push each other's buttons, especially if there is another kid invading their space or handling their things. Somtimes they just can't hold things togeter for very long. That's another reason sometimes to be prepared to stop the event and cancel things from that point.</p><p></p><p>It happens sometimes.</p><p></p><p>When difficult child 3 had a friend over one day, I had been working hard to keep things on an even keel. The young friend (I suspect has ADHD) was very upset when difficult child 3 tried to hold his hand or give him a hug. BOys don't touch each other, clearly was how he was brought up. difficult child 3, on the other hand, was still very socially immature and had no problem with touching or hugging a friend. Apart from this they were getting on very well, I just had to keep stopping difficult child 3 from crossing physical boundaries.</p><p>They were eating ice blocks (icy poles) while climbing the big gum tree in our front yard, when I suspect difficult child 3 tried to hold his friend's handagain. Next thing, difficult child 3 is out of the tree head first, crying. I worried about him having concussion (which he did) but he wascrying because in the fall he'd dropped his ice block and it took him a couple of minutes to find it again.</p><p>Friend, meanwhile, climbed back down out of the tree in a hurry, looked terribly upset (and worried, in case I was angry with him for pushing difficult child 3) and tried to comfort difficult child 3, without having to touch him.</p><p></p><p>So although nobody had done anything wrong (as far as Icould determine or wanted to do anything about), I still had to call the other boy's mother to come fetch him, because I needed to take difficult child 3 to the doctor to get him checked out. He was 5 years old and had just fallen 3 metres out of a tree and landed on his head in the rockery.</p><p></p><p>I think the other boy might have thought he was being punished, being sent home, but in the rush I did try to make it clear, I wasn't sending him away angry, I just couldn't keep him at our house any more because I now had a possible medical emergency to deal with.</p><p></p><p>The other thing you can always do, is what I did in this situation - when things were not so hectic, I made ap oint of talking to this boy and explaining things to him, that I had sent him home so I could put all my attention on difficult child 3 when he needed it. difficult child 3 wouldn't have been permitted to keep playing, because when we got back from the doctor's he had to go have a rest and have quiet time.</p><p></p><p>So in a crisis, you not only have your difficult child to deal with, but te other kid needs to be kept safe and also understand that they are not being punished. They often can take it to heart. If you can explain that perhaps difficult child is just tired andcranky, needs to be taken out of the situation so he can rest up and calm himself, most kids will understand. Often it's at that point that I can begin to explain about my difficult child, to recruit the other kid as a friend or support.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 254299, member: 1991"] I would remove my child, even if it risked meltdown, because to allow it to continue is telling everyone else that I will put up with it and that I apparently expect them to as well. Removing difficult child meant removing the probllem from other people too, which was only good for them. I would try to get an apology, but only if it had a chance of working. Usually I would have to 'get through' to my child, to make it clear that what they were doing was unaccptable. If my kid was not getting the message, or was still screaming in defiance that everyone else was being mean and he/she wasn't the problem, then I had to be prepared to remove the child all the way to home, if necessary. Any apology has to be sincere. If that means having to wait until the next day - so be it. But if you have to wait, you sometimes need to get your child to apologise in writing. Sometimes little kids just are too tired to keep maintainng the good behaviour. Kids push each other's buttons, especially if there is another kid invading their space or handling their things. Somtimes they just can't hold things togeter for very long. That's another reason sometimes to be prepared to stop the event and cancel things from that point. It happens sometimes. When difficult child 3 had a friend over one day, I had been working hard to keep things on an even keel. The young friend (I suspect has ADHD) was very upset when difficult child 3 tried to hold his hand or give him a hug. BOys don't touch each other, clearly was how he was brought up. difficult child 3, on the other hand, was still very socially immature and had no problem with touching or hugging a friend. Apart from this they were getting on very well, I just had to keep stopping difficult child 3 from crossing physical boundaries. They were eating ice blocks (icy poles) while climbing the big gum tree in our front yard, when I suspect difficult child 3 tried to hold his friend's handagain. Next thing, difficult child 3 is out of the tree head first, crying. I worried about him having concussion (which he did) but he wascrying because in the fall he'd dropped his ice block and it took him a couple of minutes to find it again. Friend, meanwhile, climbed back down out of the tree in a hurry, looked terribly upset (and worried, in case I was angry with him for pushing difficult child 3) and tried to comfort difficult child 3, without having to touch him. So although nobody had done anything wrong (as far as Icould determine or wanted to do anything about), I still had to call the other boy's mother to come fetch him, because I needed to take difficult child 3 to the doctor to get him checked out. He was 5 years old and had just fallen 3 metres out of a tree and landed on his head in the rockery. I think the other boy might have thought he was being punished, being sent home, but in the rush I did try to make it clear, I wasn't sending him away angry, I just couldn't keep him at our house any more because I now had a possible medical emergency to deal with. The other thing you can always do, is what I did in this situation - when things were not so hectic, I made ap oint of talking to this boy and explaining things to him, that I had sent him home so I could put all my attention on difficult child 3 when he needed it. difficult child 3 wouldn't have been permitted to keep playing, because when we got back from the doctor's he had to go have a rest and have quiet time. So in a crisis, you not only have your difficult child to deal with, but te other kid needs to be kept safe and also understand that they are not being punished. They often can take it to heart. If you can explain that perhaps difficult child is just tired andcranky, needs to be taken out of the situation so he can rest up and calm himself, most kids will understand. Often it's at that point that I can begin to explain about my difficult child, to recruit the other kid as a friend or support. Marg [/QUOTE]
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