Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
How Do You Know.....?
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="busywend" data-source="post: 350881" data-attributes="member: 391"><p>Jo gave you great advice. </p><p> </p><p>I, too, have actually heard my words come from my difficult children mouth in recent months. It is quite a relief, too! LOL! </p><p> </p><p>Do NOT try to 'fix' her. One thing my difficult child said that helped me detach: "Why can't you just accept me for who I am, why are you always trying to change me?" </p><p>I stopped in my tracks and pondered that question. I was not really trying to change her. I was just trying to teach her. But, she viewed it as she was not good enough the way she was, in my eyes. </p><p> </p><p>To detach in the situation you described might be to calmly ask her if she would like your opinion. Tell her you value her opinion, too, and it is OK if they are different. That is detaching. It is just having a conversation rather than a teaching moment or trying to convince her that your way of thought is correct (which it is! LOL!). </p><p> </p><p>Try to be less 'fix it'. If she is hyped up about something you could say you would love to share your thoughts on the topic, but you will do so later when she is in a state of mind to consider it and discuss your differences. </p><p> </p><p>Sometimes the differences will not be so important in your priorities, so let them go. You can not have a discussion on every topic. If she talks about hating people that get piercings, don't try to teach her that she doesn't really hate them, but she disagrees with them. Just accept her thought and move on - without a word. A few days later when she has a new friend with piercings you might ask her about her previous hatred and she might deny even saying it.....so you get where I am going with the ignoring some things. It was not important enough to use your breath or let it take up space in your mind. </p><p> </p><p> I hope that helped.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="busywend, post: 350881, member: 391"] Jo gave you great advice. I, too, have actually heard my words come from my difficult children mouth in recent months. It is quite a relief, too! LOL! Do NOT try to 'fix' her. One thing my difficult child said that helped me detach: "Why can't you just accept me for who I am, why are you always trying to change me?" I stopped in my tracks and pondered that question. I was not really trying to change her. I was just trying to teach her. But, she viewed it as she was not good enough the way she was, in my eyes. To detach in the situation you described might be to calmly ask her if she would like your opinion. Tell her you value her opinion, too, and it is OK if they are different. That is detaching. It is just having a conversation rather than a teaching moment or trying to convince her that your way of thought is correct (which it is! LOL!). Try to be less 'fix it'. If she is hyped up about something you could say you would love to share your thoughts on the topic, but you will do so later when she is in a state of mind to consider it and discuss your differences. Sometimes the differences will not be so important in your priorities, so let them go. You can not have a discussion on every topic. If she talks about hating people that get piercings, don't try to teach her that she doesn't really hate them, but she disagrees with them. Just accept her thought and move on - without a word. A few days later when she has a new friend with piercings you might ask her about her previous hatred and she might deny even saying it.....so you get where I am going with the ignoring some things. It was not important enough to use your breath or let it take up space in your mind. I hope that helped. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
How Do You Know.....?
Top