How do YOU prioritize behaviors?

[TeDo]

Josey76 thought a thread about applying Ross Greene's technique might be helpful. That got me to thinking.....

What kinds of behaviors do you have in Basket C right now? You know, what behaviors do you tolerate/ignore because you're working on more important one? I know we all agree that anything to do with safety is a Basket A priority behavior but what kinds of things do you not even address really.

 

[ksm]

One of my ways to categorize is... who will be affected by difficult child's behavior. If it is mainly her and me... it will probably get ignored, depending what else is going on. If it affects her sister, then I usually say something, or give her a time out, etc. If it is affecting the whole row of people at church... then it is a priority. KSM

 

[InsaneCdn]

I also look at whether there are alternatives. If the setting causes problems for difficult child (for example, a late evening...), we find an alternative for difficult child to not have to be there. When the problem behavior has an avoidable trigger... it isn't fair to set difficult child up to fail and then punish.

After "safety", which applies everywhere, and includes keeping other family members safe...
The next priority on behaviors to work on is always things related to school, because that is the key to the future ... jobs, further education, etc.
Of those, anything that has working accommodations goes to bucket C. I don't care how long difficult child needs the accommodations, if there's other stuff to work on, those go to the bottom of the list.
So... independently producing a 5-page handwritten essay? forget it.
Doing his defined tasks, asking for help, using tools available, and handing in the assignment... work on. Bucket B.

And then... how big is bucket B? Ours usually overflows.
So, we get school to pick 3 that apply to them, and we pick one or two for outside of school. And the rest become Cs.

 

[Liahona]

Right now for difficult child 1 anything not in basket A (safety and sibling relationships) is in basket C. Housework, school work, hygiene, we'll work on after his emotions are more stable. Normally (when he isn't facing a huge stressor) school behavior and hygiene are basket C. I'll make sure the teacher knows but the behavior at school gets punished at school. (Hence, difficult child 1 will tell me things the teacher doesn't know about, so I'll tell the teacher and she gets to deal with it.) Housework and school work are in basket B.

difficult child 2's basket c include housework and anything sensory related (I'm not going to make him wear Sunday shoes to church). Basket B includes poop smearing, sibling relationships.

difficult child 3's basket c is very small. Most of his stuff is in basket b because he is so high functioning.

 

[AnnieO]

Right now... The inappropriate clothing is in basket C - as long as it does not affect, say, my parents, etc. So if she dresses appropriately for a family outing, then what she wears around her friends gets mostly ignored. We talked about advertising and the difference between, say, Cindy Crawford and Anna Nicole Smith, then I dropped it. And she seems to "get it". She even wears sleeved t-shirts under her work polo... Instead of spaghetti-strap tank tops. Jett... Wears shorts that should be entitled "sausage casings" - I thought we'd gotten rid of those, UGH! - etc. I mostly give up, there, too... Except when I see him in a polo and jeans for bed. I bought pajamas. I expect him to wear them.

 

[Malika]

He sounds like an honorary Moroccan, Step
Anything which comes down to my desire to have a child listen to me simply because I am the adult has been more or less jettisoned. This actually involves quite a lot of trivial stuff. Things involving safety, courtesy and consideration to others (always subjective what these things are, however), speaking and acting respectfully to others, including me, not hitting are lines in the sand. Nothing else, really. Life changes at this end of the horizon...

 

[helpangel]

For both girls anything I feel isn't going to matter in 40 years ends up in basket C

Angel basket B is focusing on transitioning to an adult

R basket B is getting pretty crowded with hygiene, weight, school issues, cigarettes & energy drinks