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how to calm a easy child/difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 398987" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>There is a category of child called child carer. Because of my physical disability, plus difficult child 3's autism, I have children who are also carers. Some of those children are themselves in need of being cared for. It can be complex.</p><p></p><p>Years ago I was doing volunteer charity work and was put in touch with an Aussie organisation that organised camps for kids who were carers. The Young Carers camps were born. Initially they only included kids who cared for a disabled adult, but in later years it expanded to cover kids with a disabled family member (child or adult).</p><p></p><p>At these camps the kids got to do stuff they otherwise tended to miss out on. The organisers also included group counselling sessions where these kids could debrief and share their stories. Usual counselling rules of confidentiality applied. The kids shared contact details and strong friendships were born. Both my girls married boys they met at Young Carers. easy child met SIL1 at the very first Young Carers camp ever held. SIL1 was sole carer for his partial quadriplegic mother, and had been sole carer since he was 5 years old. THAT'S doing it tough. </p><p></p><p>It's not easy when you have a disabled family member. Disability need not be physical, but it takes resources away from the family as well as prevents the family from doing so well as a unit - socially, financially, emotionally. And of course there is resentment. With no other issues, easy child/difficult child is going to be angry and resentful. She will need support and counselling, even if there is no other underlying problem. Anything else is just that much more to complicate the picture.</p><p></p><p>easy child's problems need to be acknowledged; she clearly feels not heard. I do think a long frank talk with her is warranted, but I'm not sure how well that will work right now, given that things are happening in a rush. You do have to be careful of not seeming to take easy child for granted. I think right now that is how she is feeling. Rightly or wrongly.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 398987, member: 1991"] There is a category of child called child carer. Because of my physical disability, plus difficult child 3's autism, I have children who are also carers. Some of those children are themselves in need of being cared for. It can be complex. Years ago I was doing volunteer charity work and was put in touch with an Aussie organisation that organised camps for kids who were carers. The Young Carers camps were born. Initially they only included kids who cared for a disabled adult, but in later years it expanded to cover kids with a disabled family member (child or adult). At these camps the kids got to do stuff they otherwise tended to miss out on. The organisers also included group counselling sessions where these kids could debrief and share their stories. Usual counselling rules of confidentiality applied. The kids shared contact details and strong friendships were born. Both my girls married boys they met at Young Carers. easy child met SIL1 at the very first Young Carers camp ever held. SIL1 was sole carer for his partial quadriplegic mother, and had been sole carer since he was 5 years old. THAT'S doing it tough. It's not easy when you have a disabled family member. Disability need not be physical, but it takes resources away from the family as well as prevents the family from doing so well as a unit - socially, financially, emotionally. And of course there is resentment. With no other issues, easy child/difficult child is going to be angry and resentful. She will need support and counselling, even if there is no other underlying problem. Anything else is just that much more to complicate the picture. easy child's problems need to be acknowledged; she clearly feels not heard. I do think a long frank talk with her is warranted, but I'm not sure how well that will work right now, given that things are happening in a rush. You do have to be careful of not seeming to take easy child for granted. I think right now that is how she is feeling. Rightly or wrongly. Marg [/QUOTE]
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