This is likely to be a jumbled mess of thoughts, ideas, plans, progress...or lack thereof...so bear with me, please! Tried to explain it to husband this morning and he just didn't quite "get it". Having trouble sleeping, working, thinking, etc. No surprise there. I am, however, exercising, taking vitamins and my blood pressure medications, eating fairly well, and keeping alcohol to a minimum, ha. I get done what I can get done, in between phone calls, texts, worrying, thinking, planning, etc. This is it: I always said difficult child would be at home anywhere, that you could drop him in the middle of a crowded airport, or wherever, even at age 6 or so, and he'd be fine, he'd manage. So why am I so freaked out now, when he's 17? Well, because of his diagnosis, and it's about time he gets himself together because he's almost grown, right? And, of course, because he's running around, doing who-knows-what and, very important here, *I* am responsible still. Which is what we're trying to get the judge's cooperation for - to make us NOT responsible. Looks like he's not going to do anything until April 7. I can probably hang on that long.... Here's something that occured to me this morning: In 8 months and 10 days, difficult child will be 18. Now, I was certainly hoping that he'd go all the way through high school and start college - and those are just the basics, honestly I was hoping for much more. So, if I thought he was "capable" at 6, why not now? I mean, in some ways he's more mature than his chronological age, and he's usually had "older" friends...so I could look at this as though he's already 18, right? Because another 8 months isn't going to make that much difference, right? I mean, let's pretend he was doing the "normal" things. He'd turn 18 halfway through his senior year of high school. And the things he'd be "normally" doing would be the things he's doing now - well, except he'd be HERE and BEHAVING. There isn't much difference, I suppose, except he gave up a nice home and family to couch surf and the car he was buying for...whatever it is he's really doing. So, in a nutshell, he's just jumped the gun a bit, age-wise, right? So I can stop freaking out. And stop feeling guilty. Maybe. His DJO asked me yesterday what *I* had done to get him help. I told her about the Residential Treatment Center (RTC), which is just for CO'd kids, and she asked "what else". Well, when your kid's in custody, home for 9 days, back in detention, then taken into "protective custody" for 7 months, how much can you do? Or maybe I should have done more.... Sorry this is so long. Congrats if you made it all the way thru.