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How to deal with loss
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<blockquote data-quote="Doddlin" data-source="post: 366058"><p>I guess I just need to be more patient with myself. I've been doing the right things. husband and I have been volunteering for hospice for the past 6 months too. I know I am taking the right steps for myself. I just want to stop hurting right now! hahaha. Wishful thinking I guess. </p><p></p><p>I realize my mistake was making my kids the center or thinking that I would be theirs. Ugh. In a certain way I'm feeling moments of excitement at the prospect that I actually may have something else in store for my future. You know... that maybe my journey isn't complete and has some surprises in store for me. Other days the grief grips me and I just want to die. I'm on the rollercoaster and want to get off and move on. Impatience on my part I know.</p><p></p><p>It's good to know I'm not alone too. This knowledge has helped me the most! On the other hand, I am very jealous of the family members (really only on husband's side) that have wonderful relationships with their children. Even husband's daughter has come back into this life over the past year and she is the easy child now. The family is always talking about how beautiful, funny and great she is. We are having to throw a special party (at mother in law request) for her next month just to, quote, "make sure she feels a part of the family again." She was estranged from us from 15 to 19 thanks to her mother's anger toward husband. Her brother, husband's adopted son is still. Anyway, I feel jealous of the love and attention being shown in a weird way. I guess I wish that my boys were part of the family and had that too. Don't get me wrong... I am so happy she is coming around, we enjoy her company very much. I love her and we get along really well.. always did. I'm just feeling so hurt that I don't have that with my own kids and family doesn't really even have much to say about it. For one thing, the boys are not their "blood" relatives. My own extended family is pretty distant and sick. hahaha. See... this probably explains why this hurts so much. I grew up without a close family and tried SOOOO hard to put the 'genie back in the bottle' I guess. Failed miserably.</p><p></p><p>I need a good business idea.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Doddlin, post: 366058"] I guess I just need to be more patient with myself. I've been doing the right things. husband and I have been volunteering for hospice for the past 6 months too. I know I am taking the right steps for myself. I just want to stop hurting right now! hahaha. Wishful thinking I guess. I realize my mistake was making my kids the center or thinking that I would be theirs. Ugh. In a certain way I'm feeling moments of excitement at the prospect that I actually may have something else in store for my future. You know... that maybe my journey isn't complete and has some surprises in store for me. Other days the grief grips me and I just want to die. I'm on the rollercoaster and want to get off and move on. Impatience on my part I know. It's good to know I'm not alone too. This knowledge has helped me the most! On the other hand, I am very jealous of the family members (really only on husband's side) that have wonderful relationships with their children. Even husband's daughter has come back into this life over the past year and she is the easy child now. The family is always talking about how beautiful, funny and great she is. We are having to throw a special party (at mother in law request) for her next month just to, quote, "make sure she feels a part of the family again." She was estranged from us from 15 to 19 thanks to her mother's anger toward husband. Her brother, husband's adopted son is still. Anyway, I feel jealous of the love and attention being shown in a weird way. I guess I wish that my boys were part of the family and had that too. Don't get me wrong... I am so happy she is coming around, we enjoy her company very much. I love her and we get along really well.. always did. I'm just feeling so hurt that I don't have that with my own kids and family doesn't really even have much to say about it. For one thing, the boys are not their "blood" relatives. My own extended family is pretty distant and sick. hahaha. See... this probably explains why this hurts so much. I grew up without a close family and tried SOOOO hard to put the 'genie back in the bottle' I guess. Failed miserably. I need a good business idea. [/QUOTE]
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